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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Cammygirl Offline
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my friend - November 2nd 2009, 01:14 AM

so... i have this friend. i used to be in love with her, and i kind of still am. i just don't know what this is called anymore. basically most of my life revolves around her and i think about her most of the day.
she has borderline personality disorder and is severely depressed. she has tried committing suicide several times, but thank god she has failed at all times. she has insulin dependent diabetes mellitus, last time she tried to commit suicide she injected herself with 29 portions of insulin, she said only because she didn't have any more. she was found by someone, i still don't know who or how, but her life was saved, and that's all that matters to me.
she also self harms constantly, her whole body, her arms and legs are full of scars and burn marks. she is extremely introverted and can't accept love in any forms because of her self-hatred. i'm usually very good with opening up people, because i can instantly sense what they feel (this is basically the only thing i like in myself), but she is a tough case even for me.
we email every night, but lately she's been disappearing more and more evenings without saying goodnight (we said when we started emailing that this is crucial to know that the other is okay and hasn't done anything to herself).
i'm getting more and more worried about her, but i just don't know what to do. i'd have to back off a bit and wait for her to ask for my help, and it would work in any other cases but her, she would never ask for anyone's help, again because of her self-hatred that she is taking so overboard. i don't know what to do. i love her so much and i need her so much, and i don't want to pressure her to talk to me, but i know it's the best for her if she does.
she lives in a student hostel but is alone in her room, her roommates have just moved to another room because she was sleeping after work and one of her roommates started screaming and shouting. she then told her to be quiet and the other said she can do whatever she wants, it's the afternoon anyway and she, my friend shouldn't sleep then, and then got all pissed off and moved out.
now she is all alone in her room, i'm so afraid of what she can do now, she can sh or try and commit suicide again and basically noone will notice it for hours, till i write to her and she won't respond. i'm terrified at this thought. she has disappeared tonight too, exactly 4 hours ago, and i'm still waiting for her to send me a message that she is alright.
the whole situation is so fucked up, exactly like my life generally. i don't know why am i even writing this, i'm just ranting and making no sense, i hate myself for not being able to help her any better, i hate myself for not being a better person, someone normal, someone that can think straight and someone that won't let her emotions and anxiety get out of hand.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
jaimelu Offline
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Re: my friend - November 14th 2009, 07:50 PM

yur a wonderful person for wantign to help her and be there for her. yoo are abosloutely amazing for beign someone in her life who loves her so much. she should probly, if she doens already, know yoo love her and how much. soemitmes love needs to be forced onto soemne. try goin to see her more often than simply IMing. spend more time with her. mental iddsues can be difficult, especially when yoo lov that person, belive me i no, so i really admire how much yoo care about her. if yoo hate the idea of her beign alone, why let her? hop this helps, good luck
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Re: my friend - November 15th 2009, 07:32 PM

Hi Christie,

You don't have anything to apologize for. It sounds like you have been a really good friend to this girl and have been watching out for her to make sure she is okay. You really have done all that you could and you sound like a really great person.

I really think it has gotten to the point where your friend needs to get professional help. I know you are there for her and make sure she is okay, but it sounds like she needs someone to check up on her constantly to make sure she is not harming herself. Do her parents know about her situation and behaviour? Maybe they would be able to convince her to see a therapist and talk about what has been going on.

Another idea would be to contact her school. If she is currently enrolled in school, then it would be a good idea to contact the office and asking if there are counseling services provided at the school. Explain to them your friend's situation and find out what the options are that are open to her.

There is a page of helpful links on TeenHelp with resources your friend can contact if she has the urge to commit suicide. It might be a good idea to direct her to the page or give her a page of phone numbers she can call if something comes up. This is the page of links: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...ide-resources/

Ultimately it really comes down to your friend accepting help. I know that you love her and you are trying to be the best friend that you can, but it is not your job to make sure that she is okay every night. Your friend needs to get in touch with a therapist and get help with her problems.

Don't take this out on yourself. You are a good person and do deserve to be happy.
If you ever want to talk, please feel free to contact me any time.

Take care.

The great artists of our time are the ones who created something timeless. But it was never them defining it that way.
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