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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy I hate my brother - November 3rd 2009, 05:39 PM

I know loads if people say they hate their brothers, but I can't stand mine. My mum and dad prefere him so much more than me. If he does something wrong tell say 'that was wrong just don't do it again'. But if I do something they shout at me and never let me forget it. I have talked to them but they just say I'm jelous. I try to ignore it but it's soo hard. My grandma and grandpa give him money everyweek and 'forget' me. It really hurts. It's not that I don't try I do.

He also does really well in school. I do good but I'll never be as good as he is. He gets loads of awards and stuff and my parents are so proud of him. I am too - but my parents never seem to be proud with what I do. My parents always make me do things, like clean the dishes, but never make my brother do any work. They always check he's ok and let him stay off with colds, but make me go to school if I have a really bad cold. Now I just dont even bother telling them if I feel ill. He's older than me too I would understand if he was younger.

My parents think he's lovely but he is always mean to me. He hits me if I accidently annoy him.

My mum and dad are supportive of his job choice but always say 'oh you won't be good at that how about something eaiser' I just want to choose my own job, it's my future and the teachers say I can mange it. Why can't my parents? I thought they were supposed to care about me.

I do love him, but I'm just so sick of being second best. I know it's not his fault but it hurts so much. My friends don't think I bothers me as much as it does, but they are still there for me. I'm tired of trying to be nice and happy they will never like me as much. Sometimes I think they'd even care if I was gone...


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Re: I hate my brother - November 4th 2009, 08:09 PM

I don't know what I can say to make your situation better other than you basically described my situation, or I should say my sister's situation. This might be true in your case, I'm unsure, but it definitely sounds like it - he's the first born, right? Maybe two or three years older? Maybe just one year? So, the best I can do is tell you the same thing I'd tell my sister or your brother would tell you.

I know parents put more emphasis on your brother, they always view him as perfect because that's how they want to see him. Anything that strays from that, they shove off to the side and ignore. They still treat him like he's royalty.

Here's the flip side to that, imagine having parents that can't see when something's bothering you because they can only view you as their "perfect little angel." Imagine parents who put so much strain on you, that eventually you might crack one day and want to desperately rebel. But, you've lived your life so often in this high regard that you're afraid of letting anyone down. The higher you are, the lower you can fall in people's eyes and that's a really scary thought. Due to this you have to work hard, constantly seek ways to achieve because a part of you believes you must always make them proud. You're also slightly jealous of the younger sibling because there isn't as much strain put on them, the parents aren't hovering over them and sometimes beyond legally spying on them. This is the situation your brother most likely finds himself in.

I know my sister looks up to me and she's always complaining about how good I have it and how our parents pay me more attention than they ever paid her. In some ways, she looks up to me to set an example. I've always done better in school, I've gotten farther in life, but I've also had a lot to deal with. Which also adds to the whole expectations strain, it's always on my mind of trying to be a good role model. If I do something wrong, she might follow my example and I don't want that.

I can tell you that your brother loves you and that he'd die for you in an instant if he had to. That if you ever in trouble, he'd put everything out on the line to make sure you're alright. Because that's what big brothers do. Yeah, we (brothers) might seem argumentative at times, get easily annoyed, and loads of other things - but, I think that's just cause we're guys and we're built to respond that way to a degree. But, that doesn't change how much we care.

I'm sure your parents care about you too and so does everyone else, but the amount of attention they place on your brother instead of on you is out of his hands. I'm betting if he was able, he'd want it to be equal too - because having double the overseer is just as straining as not having enough. But, as said, that's gotta be some first born thing with parents and their children. There's even been studies on that.

I'm not saying chill out or relax, just that it actually sounds really normal to the situation of older brother with younger sister separated by a couple years because that's basically my household, just with me in the brother's position. Your family cares, your brother cares, but - people aren't perfect. They don't always know how to show how they actually feel.

Plus, I can't believe I'm saying this - sometimes you want to get into trouble, vast amounts of trouble just to see if they actually do care if you do something wrong.

Last edited by ThePunkAlien; November 4th 2009 at 10:16 PM.
   
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