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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Through-Glass Offline
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Name: Jessi
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Eastern Tennessee

Posts: 1,323
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Join Date: January 7th 2009

Exclamation My mother. - November 5th 2009, 12:03 AM

I just don't know how to deal with my mother any more...she makes my life hell sometimes. Let me explain what happened today.

I'm not a bad kid, I swear. I'm making A's and B's at my local community college (dual-enrolled), I'm Stage Manager/ Assistant Director for school plays, working one day a week at Burger King, I'm working on college/scholarship applications, working on a service project at a charter elementary school (volunteering in their theatre department), performing my duties here on TH. I am also working hard in therapy, trying to cope with flashbacks and staying SH-free. I have plans to attend a very competitive college, and am working hard to get all the required credits to be admitted. I plan to pursue psychology and theatre as a career, double-majoring between the two subjects. I made 1640 on the SAT.

Well, my mom went off on this..."lecture" today. She said things like "I'm confused as to where your life is going", "You need to work more hours at Burger King, you're not making enough money", "I just feel like you're not transitioning into adulthood. You have the independence of a middle-schooler."

What can I possibly do to please her? I'm doing all that I can, but it's just not enough. I've never been good enough for her, and I just don't know what to do. Any advice?

"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
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Strider Offline
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Name: Nat
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: A broken glass picture

Posts: 1,448
Join Date: January 19th 2009

Re: My mother. - November 6th 2009, 08:49 PM

Hi Jessi,

It seems like I have the exact opposite opinion from your mom. With all of the planning, thinking, and work you are involved in right now, I think you know exactly what you want to do with your life and exactly what you need to do to get there. What seems to be the problem with your mom is that she doesn't realize that your goals can't happen immediately.

Working a job a Burger King gives you money for your work pretty much immediately, so in your mom's mind, working more will get you more money sooner and is a bigger payback than what you are doing now. What she needs to realize is that by doing the other things you are doing and applying to this college for your double major, you will get a better payback in the long run. Sometimes all parents like to see is what is right in front of them at the time, so what you need to bring up with your mom is looking ahead.

Talk to your mom and tell her your plan and your goals. Sometimes they may seem obvious to you, but your mom might have no clue what you want to do and what you are doing and will do to achieve it. She needs to here from you exactly how important what you are doing is to you and that you are taking on a lot of responsibilities lately. Listen to her side of it and try to see why she might think you are not as responsible as you actually are (maybe she is taking a messy room or you not helping with the dishes as you being irresponsible, for example). Try to negotiate and help her see your point of view.

Don't let your mom get you down from achieving your goals. It looks like you are headed in the right direction and are doing what makes you happy. Keep it up and enjoy where this will take you.

Take care.

The great artists of our time are the ones who created something timeless. But it was never them defining it that way.
Everyone has a story. What's yours?
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sassa Offline
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Age: 28
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Join Date: November 13th 2009

Re: My mother. - November 13th 2009, 09:28 AM

for me its the exact opposite, my mother is not giving me enough independence and theres no point trying to talk to her about it because every night she comes home from work and starts drinking and say a lot of stupid stuff. She always nags me, she always very critical of almost everything i do. some of the things she says is 'i guess you don't need me anymore' and she walks away without letting me say anything. she also says i dont care about her and im always in a bad mood. Im always in a bad mood around her because i know shes going to say somethign stupid and look for a fight. Aaaand she says shes miserable and only sticking around for me and always asks if i want her to leave. sometimes i just wish she would because she really is making my life hell. Sorry that this just turned into a rant about me!
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