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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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pinkly Offline
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Screaming, stress, and mothers.. help - November 12th 2009, 09:40 PM

My mother and I haven't gotten into any big fights in a long time. A couple years ago when we set each other off, it got really bad. We'd scream at each other at the top of our lungs until we were each in hysterics. We realized that nothing was getting solved in this way, since then when we got each other upset we'd take turns talking. We'd try to not interrupt each other and keep an even tone.

Until last night. I've had a job now for two years. My way there is either by bus or one of my parents, back home is with one of my parents. I should appreciate that they drive me at all, but I get really irritated when they forget to come and pick me up or fall asleep and i'm stuck at work longer than necessary. This isn't a now and then thing, it happens with every shift.

I realize that they are tired, but so am I. I have a full day of school, homework to finish, then a shift at work. So last night I said to my mom "You guys (mom & dad) are impossible." She freaked out, calling me a bitch and an asshole, saying I could have left a 'fucking' note for when I got off, meanwhile I told my dad and my two younger brothers when my shift was over. She was screaming like a maniac and I started yelling in response and she screamed at me not to raise my voice at her. She kept screaming at me to shut the fuck up, kept pulling over telling me to get out and walk home.

She said I talk to her like one of my friends or my boyfriend, which is probably true. She works all day, usually until 9/10 at night at which time i'm finishing homework/getting ready for bed/trying to sleep or I am still working. I see her less than I see my friends, we haven't spent time together in a long time.

She's probably stressed out with work as most adults are, and I haven't helped with the load on her shoulders. She recently found a couple empty 26ers in my bedroom, and thinks I'm going to develop into an alcoholic (there have been problems in my family, but I know who I am, I have a strong will and would never fall into such a problem). I wasn't collecting the bottles, one was over 2 years old I hadn't thrown out and the other was from the summer that was shared among me and my friends. We're teenagers, we drink sometimes at parties, but I am responsible about it.

While that's bugging my mom out, I am dealing with stress of my own. I just lost my virginity, school is very heavy lately with presentations, isu's, and projects due.
And it's not like anyone's around for me to talk about this with.

I'm lost as to what to do. I may just print this off and have my mom read it. Maybe that will help her see where I'm coming from, but I'm really, really scared about the virginity bit.

Advice? (asides from me not writing a novel.. aha)
   
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Re: Screaming, stress, and mothers.. help - November 13th 2009, 02:15 AM

Hello.

I find myself reading this but can't help but notice i was in a similar situation.

Throughout my teen years (particularly as school ramped up towards final exams and i was working more) i never had a strong relationship with my mother. We were always arguing. Our relationship was either one of two things "arguing" or "trying to work it out" which always ended up in us arguing anyway.

I ended up being kicked out when i was seventeen. At the time, it felt great. I moved out, felt independant. After about a month i just had a huge depression fit. Just felt really isolated and alone.

i think in hindsight i shouldnt have left, i should have tried to make it better.

Now, enough rambling(sorry,wasnt trying to hijack your thread).

I think you should try working it out with her. I know it is difficult (omg) but from my experience it is by far the best option.

While she may be impossible to live with, you need to communicate more. You need to both be aware that each of you will have to make compromises, depending on your situation.

Obviously, she will need to be more reliable, perhaps you would/could be more forgiving (not saying this but merely using it as example).

In the end it comes down to both of you each making concessions to try and make the other's life easy (this sounds sooooo corny + cliche but i cant think of any other way to explain it sorry). It sounds like both of you have a lot on your minds, what with school/work/virginity.

Obviously she cares about you alot (the 26ers i presume are spirits, we dont have this brand in australia) because she is trying to look out for you, but she may not know the right way to go about it. Perhaps both of you could attempt to communicate more, let her know whats been going on, tell her how you feel etc.


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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: Screaming, stress, and mothers.. help - November 13th 2009, 07:22 PM

Hey Pinkly, after reading what you wrote, I think its safe to say that if you are correct and your mother is stressed from work, then she is extremely stressed. I used to have the same issue with my mother. I thought i was the only one but i was wrong. First off, you really need to work it out with her, try not to anger her to the point that she begins shouting. Even if its her who has done the mistake. Secondly, do something nice for her, something that shows her you love her and appreciate what she does for you. Just help her out when you can. Other than that, I would hold on from telling her about losing your virginity, it might set her off again. You will know when the time is right to tell her and when you tell her, tell her in a slow calm manner. Just give her a break and be helping her out and then after a few days start talking to her. I know that you too are hurting but just try to take the initiative to stop the shouting.
   
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Re: Screaming, stress, and mothers.. help - November 15th 2009, 01:56 PM

thank you for the help guys. I've been helping out around the house more the past few days which isn't as hard as I thought it'd be. I'm going to try and make sure this doesn't happen again, thanks!
   
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