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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Hard to explain - November 17th 2009, 12:50 AM

This is hard for me to talk about. I dont even know how to start really. I cant say we were ever a happy family. My mom always kept things going smooth. Always been tension between me and the old man. My mom passed away when I was nine. She was preg and there were complications with the birth. She and the baby passed away. I still to this day don't know what happened, what went wrong, I was too young to understand and I can't ask now. My dad gave up on me. He threw himself into his work. Went in early, came home late, sometimes slept at the office. I was nine and I was all alone. I had to make my own food, do my own laundry. He would ask me once a week about if I needed anything as time went by we stopped talking all together. I come home and go upstairs to my room. I stay out as much as I can so I dont have to be in the house. I came home one night when I was 13 from a party, hammered. I passed out on the floor in the kitchen. I woke up there the next day laying in my own vomit. My dad had to of seen me, had to go thru the kitchen and basically step over me to get out the door for work. Didn't seem to even care. Im just a burden, a reminder of the wife and child he wanted. Instead he is stuck with me. Which is fine. Whatever I'll be out as soon as I can. Which leads to my problem. I want to drop out of school. I dont wanna get into the reasons, I posted in rape it's about my girl if neone needs to back ground story, but I just cant bare to go anymore. I need my dad to sign the paper work and go to my school for me but I dont know how to ask him. We really havent talked in years. Just live in the same house. But its best if I dont go anymore, I'll find a full time job and save up enough to get out.
   
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Re: Hard to explain - November 17th 2009, 09:24 PM

Hi Mason,

I understand that it is difficult for you to bear going to school right now, but dropping out is not something I would suggest. Dropping out of school immediately eliminates a lot of your options when it comes to applying for jobs. I know you want to get out and get a full time job right now, but many full time jobs require a high school diploma or at least that you are sixteen years of age. I think that many places are hesitant to even hire sixteen year olds for full time employment because they are supposed to be in school. There may be some legal issues as well, but you would need to research them.

Instead of dropping out of school, what I suggest you do is change schools or see if you can take your mandatory courses online. By changing schools you can have a fresh start and not need to focus on whatever is making your current school unbearable. I don't know the details of the situation, but I do urge you to consider other options and finish your education. A lot of courses can be taken online, in the evenings, or at summer school as well. Those could be done in replacement for your regular classes.

It's important that you take the time to think about this thoroughly before approaching your dad. It will probably go over better with him to sign paperwork for you to switch schools rather than drop out entirely. Also, there are benefits to having a home to stay in. I know that you and your father don't get along, but he is currently paying all of the taxes on the house. It gives you a safe place to go back to, even if your father is not very responsible.

Take care, and feel free to message me if you want to talk.

Nat.


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Re: Hard to explain - November 18th 2009, 08:57 PM

Hey Mason,
I completely agree with everything Nat said. All though it may seem like dropping out would be the best solution, it's really not. Finishing highschool would open you up to so many more possibilies and improve your future. Dropping out makes it harder to support yourself and reach your goals. Definately just ask your father if you can change schools. Sometimes a change of scenery can give you a little boost to finish highschool. You can always get a part time job while you are still in school which can help you save up and find another place while you are still finishing up your education. Hang in there. Visit http://www.boostup.org. It might help you learn why you should finish highschool.

~Alessa


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Hard to explain - November 20th 2009, 11:33 PM

He signed the papers already, I left them on the table and he just signed them. I don't know if I'm going threw with it yet. I'm just so fucking confused with everything right now. I dont have ne goals nemore for fuck up. My girl was the only thing I cared about. She made me wanna better myself but now theres nothing. I already talked to a guy, he said he would hire me fulltime doing farm work and I could stay in a room off his garage if I needed a place to stay. I dont know. I really want to get out of this place. I hate him.
   
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Re: Hard to explain - November 21st 2009, 12:16 AM

Hey Mason,
You still have time to decide. I strongly suggest you research the benefits of finishing highschool. If you try and set goals, such as finishing highschool, you have something to work toward in your life. Things will get better and you will find someone else I'm sure. I know you can't even think about that now but life goes on. Did you look into switching schools instead of just dropping out? It may seem like taking the job at the farm would be the best for you right now, but it will just hurt your future. I know you can do it just have faith in yourself. See if you can move in with a friend so you don't have to deal with your father if that's the huge problem. Don't give up on your dreams. You can still accomplish them. Hang in there.


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Re: Hard to explain - November 21st 2009, 12:21 AM

I know. I'll think about it. I have to be out when Im 18 so Id like to save up for an apt now. Idk. I dont wanna burden my friends.
   
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Re: Hard to explain - November 21st 2009, 12:23 AM

You can always take a job on the weekends or nights. Summer jobs also help save up A LOT of money. I'm sure atleast one of your friends would be happy to have you. Just mention it and see about the reaction. It's not like you are forcing them to let you live there. It's worth a try.


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Re: Hard to explain - November 21st 2009, 12:29 AM

Yah I know. I dont think Im going to drop out. It made more sense in my head than it does when ya actually say it. I just want out of the house. Im not really close to any of my friends to ask, plus it would be werid inturding on another family. Ive dealt with the dickhead for 15 years I guess I could deal alil longer, I just stay outta his way. Thanks. Id prolly would have done something stupid if ya didnt talk me outta it lol.
   
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Re: Hard to explain - November 21st 2009, 12:50 AM

I'm really glad! That made me smile. If you live in a city there might be a teen shelter or something you could stay in. If you never talk to your dad or anything and he's just kind of there it's just like your living on your own just with him there, if that makes sense. If worse comes to worse, try to build a closer relationship with your friends so you always have a way out if you need one. I'm sooooo glad you are sticking to it! Hang in there and don't give up!


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