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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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LlamaLlamaDuck Offline
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Unhappy Is he allowed to search my room? - November 25th 2009, 08:31 PM

I came home from school yesterday to find the contents of my cupboard all over the floor, random bears and stuffed animals from the side of my bed everywhere, books all over the place. Basically everything had been thrown about leaving a huge mess.
My dad does this quite frequently, always when I'm not home and he's in the house alone.
He leaves the mess for me to clean up and gets angry if I don't tidy it 'properly' or to his standards which are practically impossible to meet.
I don't get why he does it, as far as I can tell from what he's said, he's looking for something he thinks I shouldn't have. As in, he doesn't know what it might be but he searches my room just in case I have anything he doesn't like.
It makes me so paranoid and upset when he does this and I'm just so glad he didn't find some things.
I asked my mum to talk to him and ask him to stop it. She put rules for living in/cleaning my room on my door, said that they're going to check it once a week and if it's not the way they want it to be, they'll take away my internet access until I fix it.
She says he won't stop going through my room because they can't trust me. I don't understand that and I don't know what I've done to make them lose trust in me. They won't tell me. I approach it and they just shout.
Is he allowed to just do that when I'm not home? Isn't there any kind of law against that? What am I supposed to do next time? Just clean it up and move on like I always do?
Any help would be appreciated, I've tried everything and I'm at a dead end now


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Re: Is he allowed to search my room? - November 25th 2009, 08:50 PM

As far as I know, wrong as that is, if you don't pay rent he owns the area you live in and can do whatever he wants to it.
The only thing you can really do about it is sit down your parents and talk to them about it, and if they can't seem to understand your need for some privacy then move out when you can. They should at least tell you why they don't seem to trust you, if you don't know then it obviously isn't something huge or recent.
Maybe you could come up with some sort of compromise?


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Re: Is he allowed to search my room? - November 25th 2009, 09:44 PM

It does seem unfair, but you're living under his roof so it's technically his room so it is allowed. Having said that, you are entitled to some privacy and the knowledge that at least some things (like a private journal for example) will be off limits. He should at least be able to tell you what he's looking for and why he doesn't trust you /why he thinks he needs to search.
   
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Re: Is he allowed to search my room? - November 25th 2009, 10:48 PM

it's unfair that he does that, especially that he leaves you to tidy up the mess he makes.. but no, it's not illegal. he can pretty much do what he wants.. he probably paid for most of your belongings and you're living in his house.. sooo.. theres not much you can do other than speak to him about it and tell him that you don't think it's fair.


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Re: Is he allowed to search my room? - November 26th 2009, 07:49 AM

I highly doubt it's illegal as it's his house and it's up to him what he does in the rooms or not. I don't think it's fair though /: It's also stupid that you have to clean up the mess he makes. I would say just ask why they've lost trust in you but I know if this was happening to me and if I brought it up to my parents it would start a huge argument. Have you done anything "bad" recently that they may have found out about?


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Re: Is he allowed to search my room? - November 26th 2009, 03:27 PM

I didn't think there would be much I could do..
I tried talking to my mum about it, but she just ended up shouting at me again. She also threatened to 'ground' me even though they told me two days ago I was grounded for not clearing up my room 'properly'
No, I haven't done anything wrong that I know of. There are things they don't know about but there isn't really any way they could find out unless I told them myself.
Clearly they're not planning on giving me any answers but a friend of mine thinks that they suspect I don't believe in catholicism and are looking for evidence of other religions.


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