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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Name: Courtney
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I hate how everything is about money, I could use some advice... - November 28th 2009, 05:36 PM

(this is going to be long...)

I am 17 and I have been looking for a job for a while now and I have not found anything (So if you are just going to tell me to try harder or get a job please do not even answer).

My family does not exactly have a ton of money but we do alright. My dad controls all the money in my family though. If we want anything we have to ask my dad (even my mom has to ask my dad, and she has a job).

My dad never put any money away when me and my sister were younger and now I am going to have to pay for braces (I really need them, medical reasons not just cosmetic) and college all on my own.

I never have any money for anything. If I want to go out with friends, or something I always get told to "use my own money" or "get a job" which really bothers me because I am trying.

I cannot apply to the State university I want to go to because my dad does not think I will be able to drive 20 minute drive there and back every day and he will not even give me the $30 to apply (I think ive missed the deadline to apply).

And then we get this speech about how we do not have any money but whenever he wants something like a dvd he somehow has the money to buy it.

He never puts any money away for clothes or anything, I have gotten to the point where I do not even ask anymore (even though I really need clohtes...) baecuse I do not want to get the speech again and again about how we do not have any money.

It makes me depressed, I feel like he pushes some of his money problems onto me... My mom has no say in any of this either.

Do not get me wrong I love my dad a lot. I just do not know what to do...
   
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Re: I hate how everything is about money, I could use some advice... - November 29th 2009, 06:20 PM

Talk to him then about what he does. On the other side, when you get a job or have some money at another point save it ( and use it well, which you already know of course ). But in such a situation, patience. It may take long or short but you just have to be patient to do the things you want.
   
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Re: I hate how everything is about money, I could use some advice... - November 30th 2009, 09:20 PM

Hi Courtney,

That sounds immensely frustrating and I understand that this is really affecting you. You have every reason to be feeling the way you do, and it's understandable that you don't want to get reprimanded by anyone on here.

What I suggest you do is look into scholarships and student loans. I know you can be eligible for certain scholarships just by applying, but for others it may depend on other things like your grades, amount of community service, etc. Either way, don't cut it off as an option, do some research to find if there are any scholarships given by the schools you want to apply for or businesses in the area or nationwide. Applying for loans would also help you pay for school, and then you would be able to pay them off after you have gotten a job and have been working for a while.

I think your dad's behaviour is a bit ridiculous. It isn't fair that he is able to afford things for himself, but makes you uncomfortable about asking for necessities like clothes. That is unfair to you and you should not be made to feel bad by him. If possible, try putting things like clothes on Christmas and birthday lists. Any holiday that you would normally be given things, try asking for either money or clothes. That way you don't need to rely on your parents for them.

Somehow I think your dad has gotten it in his mind that you should need to be responsible for yourself right now, and I'm not sure that talking to him will change his mind. That said, I think it is important that he knows how much this is affecting you and that you do need help from him. If he realizes how important this is, then he might be more lenient about giving you some money.

I hope that everything goes well for you in your job search and that you still consider post secondary school as an option. Double check the deadline and find out if you can still make it in and do some research on student loans.

Take care and keep your chin up.
Nat.


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