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Inti Offline
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My mother... - November 30th 2009, 03:29 AM

I've spent my whole life with my mother all my life. At some point between the time i was 0 and 16 i realized that i hated my mother. I've been pretending all my life that i don't actually feel that way but I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of smiling and telling everything is fine when it's not. I keep having constant fights with her, everyday over the silliest things and when i look back all i can do is cry. Everyone tells me, two more years, two more years Inti but what the hell, it's not two years... The fact that i hate my mother and sister are always going to be there until the day i die. Thats not the saddest part for me, the worst part would be the fact that i can't get myself to forgiving them for things they might have not even done. They feed me information, and i don't know who to trust. Should i trust my sick memories or should i trust those who i hate. Only those who get close to me understand my pain, but that hasn't been enough and this is my last resort.


I woke up to the most beautiful sound, the one that can make me smile and guide my steps in the darkest of times. Quickly my feelings shattered by the screams of a deep rooted psychotic affliction. Welcomed by fake smiles covered by their masks from where they slowly and carelessly chuck their sharp tongues at me. Being struck by the blazing rays of reality, I see that I become less of that what I thought I was, turning into one of the rest.
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star_crossd Offline
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Re: My mother... - November 30th 2009, 04:24 AM

Hey Inti. I know what its like to feel hatred towards your mother, I'd felt it for a long time until I eventually had to resolve it before it led to worse things. What is it that makes you hate her, specifically?


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


Music is life. Start living.
   
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Re: My mother... - December 2nd 2009, 03:31 AM

You know, the greatest gift that you can give to YOURSELF is to forgive them for things they have done. It's only right. People sin against each other everyday and people move on, it's just life. You shouldn't let the spirit of offense get to you, because if you do, it will eat at you for the rest of your life and you will be chained to these situations just as long, and if you fully truly forgive, it feels even better. Not the knee deep forgiveness. It feels so much better once you know and can tell YOURSELF that you are forgiving them for YOU not for them. It's a gift for youself, so you don't have to dwell on the heartache they caused you.
   
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