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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Average Joe
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I am a terrible friend. - December 2nd 2009, 09:25 AM

so awhile back one of my friend's gave me her login to her myspace to help her get something put on there.

problem is I have a good memory, and remembered the password. this friend happens to be extremely good friends with my crush. so I keep logging into her myspace and reading the messages.

this is out of line. and I know I have to stop. in fact, I did a week ago. I don't know if I should just tell her and accept the loss of a friend or what.

please help. I know I am a terrible person.
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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 2nd 2009, 07:53 PM

Hi Brittany,

It sounds like you're feeling upset and guilty about your behaviour. It's up to you whether or not you come clean to your friend, but for me personally that guilt would probably stick around and end up impacting on the friendship anyway. I don't know if you feel like that would be the case for you or not, but if so then that guilt is unlikely to go away unless you talk to your friend about it. Whether you tell your friend or not, it might be worth asking her to change her password - that way you won't be able to go back again.

It's good that you have stopped. You are not a terrible person or a terrible friend. Yes, you have invaded her privacy - but you have also taken responsibility for your behaviour by stopping and by considering telling her. One bad action does not make any of us a bad person - we have all done things we later regret.

It's your choice whether or not to tell your friend. But I wonder how certain it is that you would lose her as a friend if you told her - yes, it sounds like something she's be angry about, but equally (and I admit I know very little of the situation and nothing of her as a person) that does not make it unforgivable. Obviously you are in a better position to judge how you would expect her to react than me though. The other thing I wonder is how much the guilt is affecting you and your friendship - because if it having a big impact, then I think it is possible that by not talking to her, you may still end up losing a friend.

I do not mean to sound so negative, sorry. I'm just trying to help you weigh up the options - that one could potentially have more negative outcomes that you've mentioned in your post, while the other may not have such a negative outcome as you're expecting.

You are not a terrible person. You have made a mistake, yes, but so have all of us. And your guilt itself makes me think you are a good friend, because you obviously care about how your friend would feel about this.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Take care,

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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 3rd 2009, 06:36 PM

Just as FromtheAshes said, its your choice and ask her to change the password so that you don't do it again. But try and explain to her the situation.
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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 4th 2009, 04:06 PM

The other two replies were excellent. I would be more theological in my approach, but they have said essentially what I would say. Except for this - it is your choice as to whether or not you tell her what you've done BUT remember, she'd much rather hear it from you than from someone or somewhere else. It's hard to keep a secret and sooner or later, something is going to slip. Just a thought.
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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 6th 2009, 03:50 AM

You're not a bad person. Passwords to accounts are irresistible. Don't tell her you went on her account what she doesn't know can't hurt her. Get her to change her password though so you won't be tempted anymore.
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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 6th 2009, 06:59 AM

I am not sure if I can tell her. but, how in the hell would I bring up changing her password without her being suspicious?
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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 6th 2009, 09:37 PM

Hi Brittany,

What I would tell your friend is that you feel uncomfortable knowing her password and would rather she changed it. Let her know that you don't like to know people's passwords because you think they should be secret and you are happy to help her out with her account when she needs it, but she should change the password after.

If she is suspicious, maybe just say that you feel uncomfortable going on someone else's account and you don't want that to happen. Tell her you want to respect her privacy.

I hope this works out for you.


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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 15th 2009, 07:28 PM

I don't think this makes you a bad person, but if I were your friend, I would want to know. Maybe your friend will not get mad at you, but will just want to talk to you about why you did it. If you end up losing her as a friend, (please don't think I'm trying to be mean or anything) then maybe she wasn't a really good friend to begin with. I hope this helps, and good luck!
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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 15th 2009, 11:35 PM

I agree with many of the people bove me
you are NOT a bad person in any sense
but just rattle off to your friend that it makes you uncomfortable that you know her password and you wish that she would change it..

you dont have to tell her what you have done unless you really feel the need to but
knowing someones login can be very tempted especially under those circumstances.

i hope you figure out what to do hun
if you need anything please feel free to PM me

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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 16th 2009, 04:08 AM

I always think that honesty is the best policy. This sounds like its really bugging you a lot and you will finally wind up telling someone. If your friend heard it from someone other than you, that would hurt them. Go ahead and tell your friend and apologize and ask her to change her pass
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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 21st 2009, 02:49 PM

Aha, I did this too.'x

but don't worry, just don't tell her, but try to resist the urge to go on her account.
You don't need to tell her if you don't want to, you don't want her to lose her trust in you. But just make sure to never do it again. x

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Re: I am a terrible friend. - December 21st 2009, 05:21 PM

You made a mistake. Everyone does. Youre not terrible since you obviously care. Try explaining it to her, explain your feelings behind your actions. If I were her, Id just change the password, but not eliminate you as a friend. At least you didnt send any messages to this crush from her, right?
Wether you decided to tell her or not, you must not do it again.
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