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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Vines Offline
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First Christmas - December 7th 2009, 03:26 AM

This will be my first Christmas with my parents divorced. Everytime I think about it, I want to cry. I don't want to even celebrate this year. All the joy of this season has been sucked out and I feel so sad.

Any advice?
pm is always welcome


Ne Me Quitter Pas, Mon Cher
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: First Christmas - December 7th 2009, 03:38 AM

Will you be seeing both of your parents on the holiday?
Cause i know sometimes when parents divorce their not both, always in the area.
I know its saddening. But do your best to enjoy yourself.
They wouldn't want you to be sad.
Take care. PM me if you need someone to talk to.
This will be my second christmas since my dad died.
Still really hard.


<3Angelina




   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: First Christmas - December 7th 2009, 11:45 AM

it can be really difficult to split your time between both parents.. and if either of them have new partners it can complicate matters further. what are your plans for where you're going to be on xmas day, boxing day.. etc.?

my parents divorced years ago and although they are now re-married [long story.] i do know how it feels, especially at christmas time. just remember that you can't always please everyone and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about who you're with, what you're doing. it's not easy.


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Re: First Christmas - December 7th 2009, 03:21 PM

Hey,

It can be tough, My parents are just now getting divorced, but my dad hasn't lived with us in 9 years. So i know how you feel. It was really hard at first, but it gets easier. What we do, is i spend the morning with my mom. And then in the evening we are with my dad, and it works.

It is possible to make it through it, Find things to make you happy and excited. Really if you need anything more, you are welcome to PM me anytime with any question you might have.

Take care of yourself, and it willy get easier.


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Re: First Christmas - December 7th 2009, 04:51 PM

They're still your parents. even if they don't love each other like they used to.

No reason to fret so long as you get to see them both over the Christmas season.
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: First Christmas - December 7th 2009, 07:32 PM

Hello, I can relate. My parents have been divorced for 13 years now and I've had to deal with the step parent issue as well. It's difficult to think about the holidays when we experience a loss of any kind and this certainly qualifies. Was there a lot of conflict between your parents in the divorce process? Do you feel placed in the middle? That might be adding to the stress. The important thing to remember is that things are different now, but change isn't always a bad thing, even if it seems like it at the time. For example, if your parents fought a lot things might be more peaceful now. Your parents still love you and want what's best for you, so if you're really uset about this, you should talk to them both about it.


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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Vines Offline
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Re: First Christmas - December 9th 2009, 02:08 AM

Well, my parents just divorced in February.
They both have significant others.
I am spending the 18-23 with my dad who I haven't seen since October, then having Christmas all with my mom
I don't want to say though I want it any other way because I don't want to hurt one parents feelings.
They arranged these plans. My dad is so sad about it though and sometimes says things like "Oh I wish you could just stay for Christmas" Which makes me feel worse.
What am I supposed to say to something like that
My dad lives 3 and a half hours away, so that makes it hard too.
I don't really know how to talk to my parents about it, when it happened they didn't really explain all the details and it happened really fast, and truthfully I don't know if I want to know all the details.
Since this has happened I don't really talk to my parents about anything, especially about things to do with the divorce. I know I should but I don't want them to feel worse about what they did to the family.


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Re: First Christmas - December 9th 2009, 05:13 PM

I can understand how you feel, I didn't really have this problem since my dad lives in another state, he would come visit for a week before and then let me go home for Christmas and spend it with the rest of my family. When I was old enough to fly by myself I flew out the day after Christmas and stayed with him until just before school started.

If you don't know the details they were probably kept from you for a good reason. I was in that situation, in my case I was too young because of the nature of it and now I kind of wish I didn't know. I think they should consider your feelings when deciding where you're spending the holiday, but of course they can't if they don't know how you feel. It can be hard to talk to them about it, but it really is the best thing.


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Re: First Christmas - December 9th 2009, 05:43 PM

Vines,

I understand exactly how you feel. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I spent the next 3 years going back and forth. Unfortunately, I didn't get to make a decision about whether or not I went to see my dad. He just quit offering. Since then, I have talked with him about twice a year. I was bitter for a long time until Christ helped me forgive him.

Why do I tell you this? Even if your parents give you a choice, you must always choose both because having two parents involved, even if not together, beats having only one.

Keiruso
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Re: First Christmas - December 11th 2009, 05:02 AM

Thanks so much for all the help you guys are giving me. It really means a lot to know I have people who I can stand by with.
This is a rough season it seems for some.


Ne Me Quitter Pas, Mon Cher
   
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Re: First Christmas - December 12th 2009, 12:27 AM

I am sorry this is happening to you. Christmas may not be the same anymore, but it will be managable.
Your parents will work something out, probley alternating christmas with each parent. ( thats how it is for me...this year its with dad). If they don't seem to be reaching anything, talk to them. Mention that you want equal time ( or as close as possible given conditions) with both. They need to know how you feel.
I understand how difficult this can be, just remember you have support here and both sides of your family.

PM me whenever you like...I may be only 13, but I have 7 years experience with divorced parents ( and their significant others)




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