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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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LittleFish Offline
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We Don't Want to Be Her Friend Anymore - December 13th 2009, 05:57 AM

My two friends (let's call them D and N) and I have a problem. This girl (let's call her H) has been friends with us for several years, but we reaaaallly don't want to be friends with her anymore for a number of reasons: she's immature, she's controlling, she's manipulative, she's an attention hog, she's a drama queen, etc.

Now, to make matters worse H is completely oblivious to the fact that none of us want to be her friends anymore. This summer I told her I didn't want to be friends. The school year started, and now she acts as though nothing ever happened. I would have avoided her if she weren't still attached to D and N. She and D recently got into a fight, and it was already pretty clear that D didn't want to be her friend. However, H is still somehow convinced that N is still her friend. We've tried everything we can without directly breaking off the friendship; being equally annoying, sending "I really don't care" vibes, avoiding her, etc. She won't take a hint. As much as we'd like to just call it quits and tell her we don't want to be friends with her anymore, it's not that simple. D and N's mothers are close friends, and we both know that if we broke off the friendship, H would completely alter the story and make us look bad to her mother. How do I know? When I told her I didn't want to be friends this summer, she called N up and ranted for an hour about what a bitch I am, stating that I simply called, told her we weren't friends anymore, and hung up when that's not what happened at all. There's really no telling what N's mother would do once she found out if H blew this thing way out of proportion. My only hope now is that my parents would be able to talk some sense into them were this ever to happen, but even that's kind of iffy since my parents generally mind their own business. How can we break off this friendship without making things more complicated than they need to be? Is there a way we can avoid some huge dilemma, or are we just going to have to face it? Thanks in advance. N and I are completely out of ideas.
   
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Re: We Don't Want to Be Her Friend Anymore - December 13th 2009, 08:38 AM

Oh gosh I hate when this happens. I send you hugs!

I personally would get you friends D&N and go to H and confront her take some witness so she can't alter the story. If she does you've got other people other than your friends. You speak to her calmly and say whatever you want to say.

If she gets her parents involved just say nothing. If they rant to you. Explain to them whats going on and to be honest really its YOUR CHOICE who your friends with! If you don't want to be friends with H, move on. If lets say N&D do, you'll act civil around her.

Its making a stand and explaining to her. If things change or anything happens comment back x

Hope this helps
Nina


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Re: We Don't Want to Be Her Friend Anymore - December 14th 2009, 01:59 PM

Hey Se-Se,
This is a really akward position to be in because it's not fun being friends with someone who really technically isn't your friend.
Maybe she didn't quite take it in, sometimes when someone says something like that to you you don't want to believe it if you understand what I mean.
I am guessing you're her only set of friends, which makes the whole thing doubley difficult because you'll all look like a really bad group of people for leaving her to wonder round on her own. Obviously you all know the full story and what she is really like but somehow things get twisted.
Maybe you should ask your parents what they think you should do, explain you don't really want to be friends with this girl anymore because she's not a very nice person and she does upset people in the group.
If she's so controlling and manipulative I'm sure your parents are going to understand and if need be fight your corner so to speak.
Are there any teachers you trust who you could speak to, maybe they might have a good alternative idea, so that it makes things easier. It's always good if you have parents and teachers on your side because they can explain things in a more clear way and make the whole situation easier.
Obviously parents and teachers becoming involved is the last thing you want but having these people informed could help you if push comes to shove.
You don't have to be friends with someone if you don't want to and no one should be put into a position where they have to be.
Good luck Se-Se.
Love Paige xox
   
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Re: We Don't Want to Be Her Friend Anymore - December 16th 2009, 03:55 AM

Hey i know that can be a hard situation. You and your friends need to go to H and confront her and tell her how you all have been feeling. If its at all possible, informing an adult would be a great idea. I wish you luck
   
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