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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SessyRocks Offline
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Am I being a bad aunt? - December 17th 2009, 11:26 PM

I feel like I want to scream right now. I'm supposed to be babysitting my nephew, but I'm so frustrated with his mom and even my own mom that I just can't be around anyone right now. So, I put on a cartoon for him, gave him a snack, and he knows if he needs me all he has to do is call me. He is 6 years old. But, despite that fact that I watch him almost every day of the week, I'm basically not allowed to discipline him or tell him what to do. Earlier today he was talking to his mom and was using the word "hobo". I told him it's not nice to say that word. His mom turned on me and said who am I to be acting like "miss rightgeous". She said I am just like our aunt. Although, I never thought I was like our aunt. Later, I saw him drop some chips on the floor and I asked him to pick them up. He got mad at me and said it wasn't fair for me to tell him what to do. I didn't say anything. A few minutes later I noticed he'd left the computer on (he knows how to use it himself and gets online, although the only website he's allowed on and knows how to get to is NickJr.com). So, I asked him to turn the computer off while I got him his snack. Then I hear my sister yelling from the next room how I'm just like our aunt. I was already frustrated from what she'd said earlier...but her saying it again...it was starting to hurt. Let me explain about our aunt. She is a mean lady. When we were growing up she did not tolerate any misbehavior. Often she was physically abusive in the way she would "discipline" me. I was slapped often across the face so hard my mouth would bleed. Many times it was for something small like saying "shut up". I NEVER hit my nephew and I never would, because I know how degrading it feels. But is it really wrong to ask him to clean up after himself or ask him to turn off something he used? Is it wrong to tell him he shouldn't use certain words? After my sister said I was like our aunt the second time I finally broke my silence and told her if she didn't like me to tell my nephew anything then I wash my hands of responsibility of his messes. If he makes a mess, or breaks something, it's her responsibility because I am not allowed to say anything, so how can I prevent him from doing anything? I don't know what else to do. Both my sister and my mom say I'm too strict on him, but then when he makes a mess I get in trouble for supposedly "letting him" make a mess. Last time he spilled milk in the living room I got yelled at and had to clean it up. I'm so tired of it, so I just had to tell them I wash my hands of what he does wrong. Of course, if I'm watching him I will stop him from doing anything that could cause him to get hurt, like I'll still make him wear his helmet when he rides his scooter, but otherwise, he's not my son, therefore it's not my problem anymore. I feel like such a bad aunt. But I just don't know what else to do.



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Re: Am I being a bad aunt? - December 28th 2009, 03:00 PM

I see what your saying.
but why do they see your disciplining as such a negative thing. You are doing her a favour, babysitting him all week long for free!!!
but maybe they're worried about it. bcos sometimes with children we forget to give enough love, although i doubt this is the case here, just let them see how he is aware you love him, and that he feels secure about things, and doesnt see it as a punishment, or degrading.

Let your sister know that you are only teaching him to be responsible and to look after himself. tell her that he doesnt feel bad about it, like you two did when your aunt was harsh. i feel that is the only thing she's afraid about, about having her son grow up with a harsh aunt like the both of you.
just let her know it's harmless, and you do care about him. Also he's spending soooo much time with you, if he doesnt get this parental disciplining from you, where will he get it!?!? plus letting him be that much, and letting him speak rudely will only make him spolit and he'll grow up rude without respect for anyone.

i don't think your a bad aunt. a bad aunt wouldnt look after him for so long.
just make sure when you tell her that your relatively calm, bcos a frustrated message just doesnt get through. and you have an important message for the sake of your nephew.

Good Luck
i hope i helped


The Darker the NIGHT,
The brighter the dawn.
The longer the darkness lingers,
The more beautiful the light will come.

   
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Re: Am I being a bad aunt? - December 28th 2009, 04:42 PM

I see exactly what you mean. Your not a bad aunt your trying to be a good aunt.
People can become offended easily when other people tell their kids what to do.
But if your looking after him then you are the one with authority.
And if he doesnt respect that then he will take advantage of that and worse than that, could hurt himself.
I can see your sister and mum cant seem to understand that.

Maybe try sitting down with one of them on your own, while your nephew isnt around and talking to them how you feel.
People also have different ideas of what children should and shouldnt do for themselves and how they want to bring up their kids.
But still if your a big part of that then ask them how you should deal with it and maybe suggest that other ways could be better.
   
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Re: Am I being a bad aunt? - December 28th 2009, 05:27 PM

Just as Rosemma said, you are being a good aunt.
You haven't done anything bad by telling him or wanting him to clean up
his messes. So i support you in what you did by washing your hands of taking care of
him. But remember, when you see him suffering help him out.
And also when your family says that you are being like your aunt, remind them you aren't. Correcting your nephew isn't being as your aunt was.
   
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