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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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mum - December 23rd 2009, 10:45 AM

ok, so i feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place atm. i dont know what to do about my mum right now. pretty much, i grew up with an abusive dad. he also molested my brother and i. when i was 13, i told my mum of the sexual abuse and we left him. the thing is, is that my mum is a real bitch since then. she gives me the silent treatment three quarters of the time that i live here. she ignores me alot and treats my brother like royalty. i am the only one that cleans this house and when people come over, she tells em i do nothing. my boyfriend dosent understand it either. i stay at his place most of the time, avoiding her, being happy and getting on with my life. she is too negative and i dont know how to deal with this. i love her and wanna be with her, but i cannot stand how she treats me. please help!
   
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Re: mum - December 23rd 2009, 05:25 PM

Your mum seems to be struggling to cope with what happened to you and your brother. It may be that she blames herself for what happened and just doesn't know how to cope with it. It must be terrible to have your mum is treat you this way but you must remember that what happened to you is not in any way your fault. It's great that your boyfriend is supporting you. Maybe you could sit down with your mum and talk about it. Or if that is not an option, perhaps you could write her a letter saying that her behavior towards you is hurtful and despite what happened you still love her and don't blame her for anything.
It sounds like she needs some professional help to deal with what happened, from her point of view the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and loved molested her children. In her shoes I'm sure you would be devastated, your mum does need some support and help. Whether she will accept it or not is a different matter, but it's worth trying to talk to her and tell her how you feel, and that you are, and always will be, there for her. It's the best you can do and as it will be unexpected it may change her attitude toward you.


What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and wiser, that in itself, is worth the fight.

The best way to predict the future is to create it - Peter F. Drucker

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Nelson Mandela


   
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Re: mum - December 23rd 2009, 05:55 PM

CompassionateSoul said it well. His advice is sound. Follow it.
   
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