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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Damo Offline
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Dad shows more love for my sister than he does for me. - January 1st 2010, 08:31 AM

I'm 16 years old in High School, I live with my parents and my sister (until she goes back to college, right now she's on winter break).

Almost on a daily basis there are situations and times when I feel that my Dad loves my sister more than me. My sister is 3 years older than me and she's in her second year of college. My parents aren't really close to each other at all but they don't believe in getting a divorce. I'm much more comfortable with my mom, but because of that my Dad and my Sister make fun of me and call me a "Momma's Boy". My sister knows this too, she even goes as far as rubbing it in my face that my dad loves her more. He never appreciates me for anything I do. I get straight A's in school and qualified for the National Merit Scholarship program for my PSAT score and scored over a 700 in each section on the SATs. Even though Education is very important in our family, he never appreciates anything I do and always finds the littlest reason to compliment my sister on something (who by the way is nearly failing out of Pharmacy school)

I try to talk with my Dad but he never seems to have the time, yet he's always talking on the phone with my sister while she's at college. I don't even know what they talk about, but I can always hear my Dad saying things like "Your mom and brother are so boring, the house is so boring without you" which makes me upset because I wouldn't be so boring if he took the time to appreciate my accomplishments once in a while and talk with me.

There are some days when we never even talk to eachother at all, but when he comes home the first thing he does is call my sister.

He also says that I "need to get involved"; implying I'm anti-social or something. I'm not anti-social, I just like spending time by myself. I love working with computers and programming, I spend a lot of time on my computer reading about programming and browsing computer/technology-related message boards. I have friends at school, but I don't hang out with them outside of school as often as I probably should.

My Dad is always mentioning how my sister goes to parties and has a lot of friends, and I should be more like her. Even though her excessive partying and socializing is the reason she's doing poorly in college.

I hate being around my Dad when my Sister is home, and I wish he could take more time out to talk to me when she isn't home.

Any advice or thoughts? :\
   
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Re: Dad shows more love for my sister than he does for me. - January 2nd 2010, 11:10 PM

Hmmn this sounds really tough for you. I think its worth remembering that your sister will no doubt be 'jealous' of the relationship you have with your mum, and maybe see this from the opposite side. Your dad sounds a bit childish really, and probably doesn't realise how much he's hurting you. Why don't you try to talk to him (maybe you could write a letter?) being non-confrontational but explaining that you'd like to spend more time with him. He can hardly accuse you both of being a 'mummys boy' and then refuse to let you get to know him.

I also know how tough it is to be apparently doing really well and getting absolutely no recognition from your dad (I don't think mine has ever praised me even though I did really well in school), although I guess I had the consolation that mine was pretty shitty to all his children :P But now I've left home we get on much better.

So hang on in there, things will get better. Good Luck with everything.
   
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Re: Dad shows more love for my sister than he does for me. - January 4th 2010, 05:46 PM

Hey there. About your dad not appreciating your school work, leave it be. Keep doing well and perform excellently but not to impress him but for yourself. Do well for yourself as it will help you in the long run. If you think he doesn't notice, leave it at that and keep doing your work.

Don't let your father's behaviour put you down. Let him be and let him act the way he does. Show him that you love him and that you appreciate him but Just as dancinfool suggested, try talking to him.

And also, keep close to your mother as you haven't done anything wrong, so don't change yourself, you have no need to.

Finally, just keep living your life and make your mother proud as she loves you. You can't force a change on someone.

Last edited by Jacksonian; January 4th 2010 at 05:50 PM. Reason: correction
   
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Re: Dad shows more love for my sister than he does for me. - January 6th 2010, 08:59 PM

So sorry dude. I know how tough it is, my sister is nineteen too, and my parents show more affection to her than me.
It totally sucks, but just try to focus on the positive things,
And don't worry about what your dad thinks, do what you want and be who you want to be, be proud of yourself and all the amazing things you have accomplished, like your grades and stuff. Hope this helps from one youngest child to another.
   
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