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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
whyamionlexapro Offline
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I'm sick of living at home - January 6th 2010, 11:00 AM

Hi guys,

These days (for the last 1-2 years), I've started to feel more conflicted with my parents, and that I have no privacy in my house. It's started to happen that I was going to work so I could get away from my parents.

My home is also full of hypocrisy, due to my weight problems, my mum patronises me and treats me like crud because of a failed diet.

My parents have been controlling me with guilt, almost to the point that I'm too scared to do anything.

I have told this to my counsellor, and she agrees with my solution, moving out of my house. Unfortunately, I will probably have to drop out of school to pay for my life (maybe finish year 12 at TAFE), but if there is a good idea for a job to do as a 16-17 year old, while staying at school, please tell me.

Could someone please help me out?
   
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: I'm sick of living at home - January 6th 2010, 07:44 PM

Hey there Kaan. Sorry first off for the problems you are having.

And first off, don't be afraid and don't let your life be controlled by your parents.
Don't let them make you feel bad but still respect them as they are your parents.
Don't be scared to the point you can't do anything. Do not.
Be courageous and live your life. Live well.

I don't however support you dropping out of school as you are still very young.
My suggestion is, just live with your parents, and finish school.

Is it extremely bad to the point you just can't continue or can you make an approach to them and talk with them ?
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
whyamionlexapro Offline
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Re: I'm sick of living at home - January 7th 2010, 10:23 AM

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Originally Posted by Jacksonian View Post
Is it extremely bad to the point you just can't continue or can you make an approach to them and talk with them ?
I have repeatedly tried to talk to them, but am unable to get it through to them. Dad tells me, "You haven't seen strict!", and Mum tells me, "If you don't like it, pack your bags and leave!"

I also get ZERO privacy, to the point where I am told off for closing my bedroom/the bathroom door, they even ask me about homework all the time during the school term, and insist to help, even though I'm more than capable of doing it myself.

I personally know people who have left home while studying full time in years 11-12, and survived, and if that fails, in Australia, it is easy to start again, and to finish year 12 and go to University, or start an apprentice at any age, due to a brilliant vocational education system (TAFE).

I am currently working casually at a large supermarket chain, but can easily move to part time, or full time employment at the same place.
   
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Re: I'm sick of living at home - January 9th 2010, 01:19 AM

I don't think that it is necessarily impossible, but it will take a lot of work. If you do decide to move out have a plan ready before hand. I don't know how the system works in Australia but you may have to have your parents permission. Have an affordable apartment, and job lined up before you tell them and try to tell them when they are in a relatively good mood and not in the midst of conflict. If your parents are really this controlling then you might end up having to sever all contact with them. Be prepared to accept this if it happens. Also you are going to have to be completely self reliant, and will have to deal with most problems that arise by yourself. Do you have the maturity and motivation to do this? If not do you have a friend or relative that you can stay with until you finish high school or if it all falls through?

Last edited by yourockmysocks; January 9th 2010 at 01:20 AM. Reason: confusing word placement
   
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Re: I'm sick of living at home - January 9th 2010, 06:13 PM

Hey there Kaan. Ok, I see now what you mean. But I am perplexed a bit.

you said they insist to help you with homework ? Do they just make fun of you or do they really ask if they can help you with your homework ?

If they truly ask sincerely if they can help you then it seems rather strange that they want to help you with homework and yet they are rude to you. And if so it may be that they may be talked to though it will be hard. And the above poster commented very well, both about talking to them and moving out.

If you decide to move out and you have/can do TAFE, then consider it but let it be the last choice you choose or consider after you know for sure for sure that your parents just are beyond help.
   
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Re: I'm sick of living at home - January 15th 2010, 11:03 AM

i have the same thing with my parents and sister they say that im allowed to move out. but i have no where to live. so i cant i hate sharing a room with my twin, i cant get any privacy or quiet de to them coming in my room and asking me what im up to. i cant even use the internet or my laptop which is unfair. im only allowed to use my laptop if im doing work. its unfair if i do use the internet im only allowed on it for 5 mins and i can hardly do anything in that period of time. i just want to be left alone and to use the internet when i want and go on whatever i want, i cant even go on facebook without my parents asking what website you on? who are you talking to? it just pisses me off so much i dont know what to do.
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Re: I'm sick of living at home - January 15th 2010, 11:25 AM

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Originally Posted by yourockmysocks View Post
If not do you have a friend or relative that you can stay with until you finish high school or if it all falls through?
Unfortunately, due to a minor case of Asperger's Syndrome, I have problems making friends, thus, I don't have many friends (and the ones I do have think I am crazy, because they get treated well by my parents), and the closest relatives (in distance) are around 3000km away.

In the city that I live in though, people are able to get public housing at 16, due to my disability (and maybe age), I could move further up in the rank, but sadly as a dependent (under-25) with high-earning parents, I doubt it is possible.
   
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Re: I'm sick of living at home - January 16th 2010, 01:49 AM

Hey there Kaan. Well then this is just your choice now. But I strongly urge you to think about it for a long time. So that you can see the disadvantages/advantages of each option and thus make a choice which has been very much thought of and considered on your mind. But also, make sure that you aren't going through a teen thing/phase which will only pass with time.

Ask yourself this : How far will you get with their help + going to school + not paying rent + slowly growing into an adult at your own pace ? ---- As opposed to ----- not going to school + being alone + paying rent + leaving your family(in a way burning your bridges).

So once again, think long and hard about all the options and weigh them all considering both your feelings and logical/sound perspectives of each option you have.
   
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Re: I'm sick of living at home - January 19th 2010, 12:43 PM

I sat my parents down the other day, and we talked about everything. They said that they weren't trying to control me, and they're just trying to help me out, plus, I don't really have a social life to protect, so maybe I was overreacting a bit.

Thanks for everyone's opinions though
   
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