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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
ale_x3_ily Offline
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Exclamation my mom found out i've been having sex. - January 31st 2009, 04:06 PM

and i don't know how to calm her down.

i messed up really badly. i confided in my aunt, who told everyone, a bunch of people i don't even know, including that i was going to see her at planned parenthood yesterday. my mom found out.

she asked me if i've been having sex and i told her the truth. i feel so so so guilty, and she's making me feel worse, which i understand but at the same time, i feel so let down because she had promised to be understanding. now she's making me feel idiotic, stupid, pathetic, even though i know i deserve it.

it only happened twice and i've been on the pill and we used a condom both times and he pulled out both times. that's why i'm so confused about her being mad, she said she wouldn't be so mad if she knew i'd been using protection.

the worst thing is, she already hated my boyfriend. now she's making me tell my dad, and now my dad will hate my boyfriend too. she promised before that she wouldn't make me tell my dad, but now i have to, because of my aunt.

i don't know what to do. i'm grounded and i can't see my boyfriend by myself anymore, i'll only see him for 15 minutes a day. i won't see him on the weekends, or anything. his parents hate me too. i don't know what to do.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my mom found out i've been having sex. - January 31st 2009, 04:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ale_x3_ily View Post
and i don't know how to calm her down.

i messed up really badly. i confided in my aunt, who told everyone, a bunch of people i don't even know, including that i was going to see her at planned parenthood yesterday. my mom found out.

she asked me if i've been having sex and i told her the truth. i feel so so so guilty, and she's making me feel worse, which i understand but at the same time, i feel so let down because she had promised to be understanding. now she's making me feel idiotic, stupid, pathetic, even though i know i deserve it.

it only happened twice and i've been on the pill and we used a condom both times and he pulled out both times. that's why i'm so confused about her being mad, she said she wouldn't be so mad if she knew i'd been using protection.

the worst thing is, she already hated my boyfriend. now she's making me tell my dad, and now my dad will hate my boyfriend too. she promised before that she wouldn't make me tell my dad, but now i have to, because of my aunt.

i don't know what to do. i'm grounded and i can't see my boyfriend by myself anymore, i'll only see him for 15 minutes a day. i won't see him on the weekends, or anything. his parents hate me too. i don't know what to do.
Two more years and you can have sex with whoever you want. I actually hid from my mother that I had been having sex. 4 days before my eighteenth birthday, I sat her down and told I had sex, not just once or twice, but a lot, and hid every bit of it from her. She said it was like a dream that I told her. She asked me how I thought she would react. I said, "If you wouldn't understand me, then I was going to say that we don't need to be in each others lives." She understood, but wasn't happy.

Tell your parents how you feel. but then consider this.. Are you doing anything wrong? When did you start having sex and how do you feel about it?
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Re: my mom found out i've been having sex. - January 31st 2009, 05:06 PM

I started having sex at 15 and it only happened once when I was 15 and once when I was sixteen. I've only done it twice. I was really careful and I'm not planning on doing it again. Right now I feel really guilty. I never regretted it before but my parents are making me feel like it's something that I should seriously regret.
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Re: my mom found out i've been having sex. - January 31st 2009, 05:44 PM

Oh gosh this sounds like my boyfriends parents.
His mom heard us going at it, [she went upstairs] then she flipped out when eh went downstairs, and now I'm on the 'black list'.
Hard to explain. Sorry to hear you got caught.


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Re: my mom found out i've been having sex. - January 31st 2009, 11:37 PM

Hi there Alejandra,

I know that it may seem like your parents are overreacting right now, but understand that this is a big thing for them as well. You, their daughter, is now having a sex life and that is a sign that you are moving on and growing up. This probably frightens your parents quite a bit. What they are doing now with the grounding and stuff is their first reaction to what they are hearing. Once they realize that you are responsible enough to make your own choices and that you were careful enough to use protection, then they will let up on you. This will pass.

For the moment, just explain the measures you took with your boyfriend and how careful and responsible you were. Even ask your mom what more she would have liked you to do. She will probably realize she doesn't quite have an answer to that and realize that you made the right choices at the time.

I think it was very responsible of you to use the protection you did and I think that you will continue to act responsibly. It just takes a while for parents to realize that their kids are growing up. Give them a little time to think over the information.

Take care.
Nat.


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