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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Guardian_Angel Offline
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Name: Peter
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I don't know what to do about a friend... - February 4th 2009, 10:29 AM

Okay, I feel mortifyingly bad for even thinking this let alone post on a site about it...
I have a very close friend... I care lots for her, and I like her and I Want to help her and everything but... I have been friends with her for over a year, and she has some serious problems, and well basically I'm her only support and has been for this year gone.
Because of this she has grown to depend on me and rely on me to an extreme intensity? Like because of her past issues with abuse she even sees me as a replacement Dad.
Now recently I hjave gone through a nervous breakdown of sorts, and I simply cannot give her the support she requires... yet I am her only option.
One of the main issues is that she has my house number... and she calls multiple times a day? if she is unable to get on msn it is more...
I have tried explaining to her how I feel... and it just makes everything worse because she gets extremely upset and says that no one wants her, that she is pestering me, that she should never talk to me again. I see no option for me and I Feel completely trapped? If I am at home and my parents are in the house they will pick up the phone... I can't bring myself to just hang up... and even if I did she would ring back, explaining to her its not her personally and I don't like talking on the phone ( As its tops me from doing things that alleviate my stress like playing games) she gets upst as above... if I tell her i want to come off teh phone at any time in the conversation we go through the same thing where she gets exceedingly upset and I have to calm her down reassure her that nobody hates her and I'm on tyeh phone anyway. I tried suggesting that we somehow limit the calls to a set amount per day and reach a compromise... and she got more upset because she felt like she was a job.
I feel a complete loss of control. A complete bewilderment. and it doesn't benefit her because I don't pick up when I really should be there because I'm so weary of it all...
and i know where she is coming from. I know she has PTSD and that she has no one else... but she has no one else because of the way she acts when she gets upset, so they becme pissed off with her. All my friends say I'm doing nothing wrong but I Feel so horrible as ~I extended the help in the first place. So I am just asking for help. I have no choice in what I do and one day I'm going to break. help me please.
   
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Re: I don't know what to do about a friend... - February 4th 2009, 02:02 PM

I really wish i could really help you alot on this one. but it seems she is going there a extremely depression stage and one that she may not come out of like over night. Am not sure really how to help you. cause i see she gets upset when you try to explain things to her. but it seems she has a real fear of being alone it's called Autophobia or Monophobia. you might want to look it up it could really help you out.


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Re: I don't know what to do about a friend... - February 4th 2009, 04:37 PM

Peter-

Okay. Well, I've actually been thinking about this a lot with you and this person. She takes a toll on you, and I can tell that for sure. Though I doubt you think she's a bad person for it, yeah?
You do need to think yourself, really. Dear, do you know how much better I got when for a while I just put others aside for a while, and focused on myself? You've needed to do this for a while. Detach yourself from some of these people, talk to them about it. Don't like ignore them, just explain that you emotionally may not be there for a bit, but still make an effort to speak to them. If that makes sense.

So. With this person particularly, you really need to tell her what's up. No matter what she says. You know her better than me - if you feel she's unsafe, then you need to call her an ambulance or something. Point her in the right direction towards help. Help that, even though it may not have worked the first time, she needs to try again and again.
As helpful as you are Peter, you are still an 18 year old guy, dealing with depression, trying to get through life. And you're going to get through this, but you have to put yourself first for a while.
Don't wait until you blow up in everyone's face.

You know where to find me if you ever need anything at all. <3
Maria.



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Re: I don't know what to do about a friend... - February 4th 2009, 05:10 PM

Hi Peter,

I agree with what Maria said above^ in that you definitely need to take a break from this. You need time to think everything over and just time to be by yourself. You'll be doing yourself and others a favor by making sure you are okay.

Your friend may need help, but it sounds like she needs more than you can give her. Let her know you'll be there for her and you support her, but also tell her that there are other people that care about her and that can help her too. Do you think she would benefit from seeing a counselor and talking to a professional about this? You may want to suggest it sometime. All you can be is a friend- you are not a professional so don't take the job upon yourself.

Talk to her before taking some time off. Explain to her that you just need some time to sort yourself out for a while and let her know you'll be there for her once you've done that. Maybe give her a few helplines she could call when you're taking your time.

All the best to you and your friend. I hope you start to feel better soon.
Nat.


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