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Angry She ruined everything. Now what? - May 10th 2010, 04:39 PM

For as long as I can remember, I have had two best friends, Sarah and Wesley. It's always been great to have such different support systems. I always had a really great girl and boy point of view. For the most part I never had issues with either of them. At one point Sarah and I had arguments over ignoring me when she got a new boyfriend, and something very similar happened when Wesley had a possessive boyfriend.
So for years, I had been friends with both of them, and they had Never had much contact. A year ago, they finally sprang the news on me that they had been texting and were going to date. I was quick to tell them I was nervous about it, because it would affect our friendships, and they disagreed. A few weeks went by in the summer without incident, and we were all actually able to get along. Eventually Sarah seemed to be getting a little annoyed at my closeness with Wes, phone calls, and someti
es wanting to hang out without her. Finally, one day at his house, when looking through his phone (old habit), I found texts between them talking about having sex. I was totally taken aback. Sarah and I weren't just friends, but cousins also. We had grown up together and always talked about waiting for marriage. But her having sex wasn't the problem, it was her not telling me that bothered me. After being distant for a few days, they were both mad at me, and finally I had to tell Wesley the truth.
Once he found out that I knew the truth, he stopped trying to deny it and began trying to justify it. He began a veryyyy long story. Apparently, months earlier Sarah had met a guy at a party, slowly been somewhat stalked, and eventually raped. He told me that she said her first time had been stolen, and that she wanted to have a good experience with him.
It was this huuuuuuuge elaborate story, with many details that so
etimes included me, but never fit together. However I knew that it wa a serious accusation, and I was very careful in asking Wes if he was sure she was telling the truth. He told me she had to be. She told me about how sometimes she would fall asleep at his house, and end up crying or whimpering in her sleep. She told him about all of the legal issues she an her family were in the middle of in trying to get him arrested. He said that there was no way she could lie about something serious. The worst part of it was, the day she had claimed it happened, she had called him and texted him all morning to try and tell him she was scared and worried the guy might show up, and she wanted him to come over. But he had worked late, and was asleep. He was filled with guilt over being part of the reason she was raped.
The idea that she had kept something so seious from me shocked me, and I attempted to be friends with her. Eventually I couldn't handle the secret. Wesley had told me I couldn't tell Sarah what I knew, because she would feel betrayed. But it was too difficult to interact with her while that hung over my head. So we stopped talking, and eventually she convinced Wesley to stop speaking to me.
I spent the last year harboring all sorts of bitterness and fear that she could be lying. I finally missed Wes so much that I reached out for contact, and he said that if we were going to be friends again, I would need to apologize to Sarah. As unnecessary as I felt this was, I did it because I thought he was worth it.
Slowly, Sarah stopped letting my friendship with him progress, and I again ended the friendship in anger. I began fighting with Sarah. I used very immature methods to make her think I might now she was lying to Wesley about something very serious. After a couple of weeks, she finally admitted what she had done. She told them that the entire thing had been a lie.
When he told me that, as awful as I felt for him that he had wasted a year with this manipulative girl, I was glad that he would finally see what I saw.
I was absolutely shocked when he was angry at ME. He felt like I had let him down by letting her know what he had said. It wa as if the past year of her crap had never happened. I was the reason he was angry. And the only reason.

I spent the last year, my senior year, without my two best friends. It's been harder than a lot of people could imagine. And now he refuses to discuss this with me, and I am insanely angry with bothfo'f them, and desperate for closure. I am lost for what to do.
   
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Re: She ruined everything. Now what? - May 10th 2010, 10:59 PM

first, im sorry to hear about all the stuff that has happened between you and your best friends...

as bad as this sounds, but you can't really do much.
because the more you try to contact each of them the angrier they will get, and the angrier you will get, and you'll just be hurt again that you are fighting with them.

slowly start to let them go? not fully, but as much as you won't start to worry about them 24/7.
at one point, when all the anger and hurt has ended, you three all might become friends again.

you can overcome this. be strong.
its going to be hard letting it go, but you might feel relieved in the end.

hoped this helped. :P. if not, im very sorry.
   
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Re: She ruined everything. Now what? - May 10th 2010, 11:15 PM

Yeah, I know you are right, and there isn't much I can really do. It's just really hard for me to let go. :/

but thanks for reading and replying, it's nice to just have someone listen.
   
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