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My life at home is destroying me - May 13th 2010, 02:33 PM

My life at home is destroying my happiness, and affecting everything in my life. My mother has immense anger problems. She cant walk because of a disease, and it seems she takes this anger out on me when I fail to do everything she cant- like constantly take care of my two baby sisters, despite my having to juggle school, church, and physical rest.
All my time is dedicated to them, and helping her. It wouldnt bother me if she didnt get so angry at me when i dont do things fast enough, or i make a mistake.

my brother has ADHD. he's constantly acting out, and my parents hit him (as discipline), but soon after become frusterated and take it out on me and my other brother, as well. They even told us that we cant express what we feel to others. they told us that our problems or frusterations at home (they acknowledged this as our "B.S.") are not anyone else's problems. They mock me whenever i tell them that how they behave hurts me, and they are quick to call me stupid, and idiot, worthless and so on.

If i wasnt for God, I think I would've run away or harmed myself a long time ago. If experienced a bit of both- I once tried to run away, but was stopped by a friend. For a while as well, I would pinch and hurt myself whenever I had time alone after they would hurt me with their words or punishments. I've felt so depressed about this, and all I find myself hoping for is going to college in about a year (after I graduate next year) and leaving home.

How can I handle this? Every day, every time they get angry or take thier stress out on me I completely fall apart. My self esteem in non-existant. I resent them, and even doubt wether or not Im a good person. I think to myself "if they always talk and behave as though I'm trash, and they've done it for so many years, does that mean I really am as bad as they say?" It seems that at school, with strangers in my neighborhood, in stores and so on, people I meet tell me I'm a good person, and very kind. With them, I feel lower than dirt. I'm in school right now, and I'm dreading going home. I dont know what to do.

Is there anything I can do? I've given up hope. I'm tierd and worn out. I just want to push everything away and forget about it all, but every day i face this. Can anyone please help me?
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Re: My life at home is destroying me - May 13th 2010, 05:18 PM

Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

I would talk to a school counselor or pastor about this - whichever feels most comfortable for you. The people who love you should know what's going on at home, so that they can better support you and your siblings. You might also want to consider contacting CPS (Child Protective Services). It would be difficult to prove abuse (when it's just verbal, and when your brother with ADHD doesn't show evidence of any bruising)... but you may still be able to receive some form of support, whether it's a referral to individual/family counseling, or support for your mother's disability/your brother's mental illness.

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