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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
fall to romance Offline
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Name: Brittany
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Sister's graduating... - May 15th 2010, 10:27 AM

She's graduating from college in a few hours. It's been a stressful time for all. Our parents are divorced and they will never be able to be pleasant enough for one actual celebration. So I've been the go-between for the freaking party planning committee for both sides of my family. Somehow, it became my responsibility to be coordinate EVERYONE'S plans and make it all execute nicely. In the meantime, I had my own finals and projects to deal with. So because I had to plan all this party crap that my sister didn't even want, my grades may have suffered. She told the families that she just wants to come straight home and get drunk. I told the families the same thing, but that's not an acceptable answer I guess.

But that's not the worst of it. I'm apparently some sort of apathetic demon sent here to ruin my sister's life. She's always been impossible to deal with, but it's gotten exponentially worse this past month and a half. I understand that she's super stressed over graduating form college. She has no idea what to do, where to go, or how to get her life going. I understand that. I told her I'd do all I can to help her figure all that out this summer. Her only response was to burst into tears and yell that she was going to end up slaving away at her retail job and live in her car in the parking lot. She knows that no one in the family is going to let her be homeless. But then the past few days she hasn't stopped crying. She doesn't even know why she's crying. And then she takes all her frustrations and anger out on me. I've kept silent about this for so long and it's just been wearing down on me. And I feel like I'm about to break because of it. She has no idea how close to the edge I've been...even just this year. She doesn't realize that I've started cutting. She doesn't realize that she's the main cause of these things because she treats me worse than dirt and takes everything out on me.

But tonight she and I got into a fight. She told me that I've been taking out my anger on her far more than she's ever done. As if! She made some snarky comment earlier today questioning my intelligence and I told her she was being incredibly mean. Apparently that made her cry. And then she told me that I've been yelling at her all week. I've been cleaning, planning her party, studying, taking finals/finishing projects, and oh wait! Did I mention CLEANING?? I haven't yelled at her once until tonight. Sure, my tone did become a bit strained from all the stress I'm under, but I never raised my voice. And while she was having her hissy fit, I was in the process of making her a dark chocolate raspberry cake for her graduation. Something she had specifically asked for. I even got special things of frosting to decorate it how she said she wanted it. All the ingredients for this thing cost me $15-$20 that I don't really have extra to spend. She had the guts to scream at me that I didn't give a crap about her or her graduating then slammed her bedroom door. She then proceeded to cry for about two hours. We're talking full on sobbing.

And how did that make me feel? It made me feel like shit. And I'm still trying to figure out why! She made me feel like I ran over her puppy or something. I didn't even do anything! I was cleaning the kitchen for the 3rd or 4th time in two days while putting the finishing touches on her cake! And yet for some reason, I feel terrible. I feel responsible.

Everything's my fault, my responsibility.....yet I apparently don't give a crap about her.

How does she even reach that conclusion?!?


-B
--

R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.


"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
   
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Re: Sister's graduating... - May 15th 2010, 09:36 PM

wow, i have to say that is a lot of **** you're dealing with.

It's not your fault, you're trying to do what you can, and your putting in extra effort. That's what she doesn't see.

When she's a bit calmer, maybe you should tell her. But I get the feeling that she has something else going on with her that she isnt talking about, ask her if something happened.

But be sure to tell her about your projects, and your grades, and how you're really trying to make this special for her. Be careful not accuse her, since she is in a sensitive mood, just let her know, and when she's calmer, im sure she'll realize your point.

Maybe she's just pmsing...??!!... Or she's hiding something. If she wasnt like this previously (to this extend) then it's probably not you, but something else she's going through that she's not sharing.

I hope i've helped, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm right here.


The Darker the NIGHT,
The brighter the dawn.
The longer the darkness lingers,
The more beautiful the light will come.

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
fall to romance Offline
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Re: Sister's graduating... - May 17th 2010, 07:10 PM

Thank you for the comment, Sebrine.

The PMS bit is actually part of the equation, but that's definitely not all. It's that in combination with stress. She really doesn't deal with stress well at all. She actually hyperventilated a couple weeks ago. And she was too stressed ever since to realize how much that scared me. (She actually blacked out, couldn't breathe, and it looked like she was having a seizure.)

The entire day of her graduation she gave me the silent treatment. However, she did talk to our mom about what was bothering her. My mom told me that it was just me yelling at her and not helping clean. But of course that's just my sister's tale. She's been to busy to see how busy I've been. My mom knows this as well. My mom knows perfectly well that my sister just gets so absorbed in what's going on in her life that she sort of gets tunnel vision and is blind to the rest of the world.

My mom gave her a sleeping pill that night and the next day my sister was more pleasant...until she found out that her work friends threw a graduation party she was supposed to go to the night before and didn't mention it to her. But now she's being slightly more pleasant to me again, but only because I'm now sick. (Oh goody.)


-B
--

R.I.P. my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much more than you could have ever imagined.


"There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. . . . But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope.-Gerard Way
   
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