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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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i hate them - May 23rd 2010, 12:36 AM

my ma and step da have been togethe since i was 3 or 4 and for the last 10 years theyve been arguing constsntly,there arguements are so bad the police have been a good few times,i really cant deal with it no more. they basically beat the shit out of each other,its always my ma that starts th arguements,but my da doesnt help,he makes me sick with worry by going out in the middle of the night in the car when hes drunk.whenever they argue my ma always turns against me,as if everything i do is wrong and her problems are my fault.

at the moment shes upstairs being sick from drinking to much,and my das out somewhere in the car drunk,my little sisters in bed after crying herself to sleep and im just here in the middle of it all not knowing what to do.
a few minutes ago my ma had a go at me,sayng that i always take my das side, that shes gonna leave and then she starts calling a load of names and just ment to sit here n do nothing.ill cope i always have,but what about my little sister,how can i help her,i try to take her away from it all, taking her up to my room,playing music loudly so she cant hear them shouting,but my ma always ends up pulling her out of my room,then having a go at her ,which always ends up with my little siser in tears,shes only ten, i cant watch her grow up like this.she asked me today why cant our family be normal,when your little sister says that to you,it just brakes your heart,i really cant go on like this much longer,what can i do?
   
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Re: i hate them - May 23rd 2010, 08:41 AM

Hello, Holly. I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. =( Do you have any family members that live nearby? Perhaps you and your sister could stay with them for a while.

Child Protective Services (CPS) is something that you might want to consider. Their job is to ensure that you and your sister are living in a safe home environment... and at the moment, neither of your parents are able to provide that, due to their alcoholism. If you were to contact them, they may be able to force your parents into attending AA meetings/receiving counseling. Until your parents could demonstrate that they are able to be responsible caregivers, you wouldn't have to live with them.

If you don't have any family members that live nearby, I would suggest talking to a school counselor or another trusted adult about what you're going through. Together, the two of you could come up with a plan for you and your sister.

I wish you both the very best of luck. Feel free to PM me anytime if you'd like to talk. No one should have to go through this alone. <3






   
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Re: i hate them - May 23rd 2010, 06:07 PM

i have family members near by but i cant stay with them,my ma doesnt get on with her brothers and sisters,and they want nothing to do with her or us,i think if i did contact cps my ma would disown as her daughter,ino what shes like,today theyre acting as if nothing happened,as they usually do,my little sister couldnt live without having my ma n da around,i could ,i wouldnt miss them at all,i usually stay with my sister over the holidays for a few weeks to get away from it all,but im always worried about my little sister being at home by herself,i cant take her away from my our parents,but i rellay dont want to live with them anymore,but thats not an option because i cant leave her by herself,ive tried talking to them,they listen and say that it wont happen again but it always does.is there anyway of me stopping what theyre doing without me and my sister leaving the home?
   
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Re: i hate them - May 23rd 2010, 09:53 PM

I can only think of two ways to stop this behavior: convince your parents to see a family counselor and attend AA meetings with you, or get the authorities (police and CPS) involved. I'm guessing that your parents won't want to see a counselor or resolve their alcoholism on their own... so you really only have one other option. I know that you're worried about being disowned... but honestly, is that any worse than staying here, continuing to be emotionally abused on a daily basis? I'm not saying that living with another family or dealing with the police will be easy, but at least you and your little sister could have a chance at a happier life. And it wouldn't have to be permanent. Perhaps your parents would see this as a wake-up call, and would get the help they needed. Perhaps they wouldn't disown you... they may do the complete opposite, and turn their lives around for your sake. Then, once the courts decided they were suitable caregivers, you could live together as a family again.

It's really up to you... but I would suggest talking to a school counselor about what's going on, or some other adult friend that you trust to do what's in your best interests. Maybe there's another option that would be better than contacting the police/CPS or staying in this dangerous home environment.






   
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Re: i hate them - May 24th 2010, 09:07 PM

i dont think its phisically dangerous for me to live with them or for my little sister,more mentally dangerous,at the age now that my ma knows that if she hit me id hit her back or call the police for her so she takes her anger out on my da,ive left the house in the middle of the night before,so theyd be worried and cop on to what theyre doing,but they never even realised that i was gone,i rang the door bell and they were like oh how long have you been out there?
i dont think its just the drink though, my ma got arrested a few weeks ago and after that she stopped drinking for 2 weeks which is a long time for her.for those too weeks they were still arguing,not as bad though but bad enough.
i couldnt get the cps or police involved,theyd hate me forever, id be too worried about how theyd react, and my sister wouldnt want to leave,i dunno, i feel like i have no options that will work ,
   
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