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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Nyshorty Offline
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Dear Mom - May 23rd 2010, 04:36 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i really hate my mom so i thought id write a letter to her. i really need advise if i should just end it (kill myself) or runaway cause i really cant live here anymore honestly. please give me advise people



Mom,
For the last 15 years youíve been treating me like shit. You always put me down without even realizing it. In front of you I make it seem like it donít faze me but honestly deep down Iím hurting. After all I been through for this family or whatever we are I donít deserve the way youíve been treating me. Whenever I try talking to you, you either one get mad at me and get someone else involved or two donít even bother listening to me. Talking to you is like talking to a wall. You make me so frustrated. I especially hate the things you say to me when youíre stressed out you say the most fucked up stuff that I cant handle anymore. When ever you would say im just like haroon how the hell could you say that expecially after you know what he did to me. Im nothing like that coward. I hate how you said im so easy and how im fat and sometimes you want me to die. And when ever I throw it back in your face you say youíre the mom and you can say whatever you want. You honestly lose all my confidence and than you wonder why Im always sleeping when ever your home and never talk to you. Its not fair I have no say in anything. You always put me down and make feel like crap. I donít get why you even had me you should have listened to my dad and just gotten an abortion your life would have been so much easier right im 99.9 % of your stressed? I try so hard to please you but in the end it doesnít even matter how much I try nothing ever pleases you. I feel like I donít even mean anything to you if I did you would have been there for me when I was younger you should have been my parent and protected me. Whenever your fighting with someone else you always have to bring me in it and say something to piss me off. I hate how you expect me your aloud to express your feelings but no one else is aloud to speak their mind. Whenever something works in your benefit than you do it but if someone else wants to you wont do it. Yea ill give it to you that you didnít know what ever Haroon did to me but now you know and just make it worse. You make it seem everythings fine meanwhile everythings falling apart. Yea im giving you a hard time about counseling but what about step one getting him out of the house. It s the worst feeling trying to go to sleep knowing someones sleepin in the next room who took away my innocence and who is capable of doin it again. But why do you care it didnít happen to you. You even know I tired killing myself over 5 times and I sniff still you didnít think to do anything. You just wait until someone else yells at me and just watch or you say im selfish and I donít appreciate anything but you never thought to ask once why do I hurt myself why do I want to die or why I hate everything about me .I get it your stressed out but you donít know how I feel or what I go through at you donít even seem interested.I hate coming at home I feel so alone and get trapped with all these negative emotions. I feel caged in the house like im a criminal or something you you try to be over protective but whats the point Im already fuck might as well as let someone else do the same thing nothing worse can happen And whenever I try getting help you lecture me what to say and what not to say honestly whats the point of trying. Or whenever the school calls you put up a front and tell them im acting and I want attention and when I get home you start yelling at me and make me wonder why am I still alive? And I I know for a fact me and you will never get along and I cant wait until I turn 18 to get away from all of you. Im not writing this letter to make you feel like shit but just want you to know if I ever do kill myself just know you could have stoped it.
   
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Re: Dear Mom - May 23rd 2010, 05:17 AM

I have to admit that I feel really sorry for you. You don't deserve a mom like that and I understand that you want to commit suicide (i've wanted to too) but hang in there, your right you can leave at 18.
My advice to you is to go talk to a Catholic priest. They are extremely loving and can really help you.
It will be all right.
   
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Re: Dear Mom - May 23rd 2010, 09:00 AM

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through right now. NO ONE should have to put up with an abusive parent. Whatever you may have done in the past, that does NOT give your mother the right to say all of these horrible things to you.

I can see that you've tried telling school counselors about this in the past, but that your mom has just put up a "front" and pretended that you're acting out for attention. Why not go beyond the school counselors, and contact the police? Or better yet, get Child Protective Services (CPS) involved? You don't need to have solid evidence of all the things your mother and Haroon have done, but any little thing that you might have (ex. photos of bruises, written testimonies from friends) may help. If you explain the severity of your current situation, everything from your mother's insults to Haroon's actions to your suicidal thoughts, they should take your case seriously and help you find better living arrangements.

Running away isn't as easy as it sounds. Teenagers who live on the street are at a higher risk for being physically or sexually assaulted by violent criminals or other homeless individuals. Completing your high school education may become more difficult, if you don't have somewhere to go after school. Living with a friend may work for a while, but can you keep doing that for the next three years? If you do decide to leave, then I strongly suggest you make arrangements with another family member or a trusted adult friend, vs. staying with a friend from school or trying to make it on your own.

I'm sure you've heard this plenty of times before... but suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem. I know it's tempting to throw in the towel, but please believe me when I say that things WILL get better. There were times when I wanted to run away as well, in order to get away from my own mother. Instead, I hung in there, and moved out the moment I turned 18. In the meantime, I saved up as much money as I could, kept my grades up, and made plans to go to college. I didn't give up on life... and that desire to keep going led me to where I am now. I even managed to reconcile with my mother after a few years! She finally sought help regarding many of her issues... and while I still don't fully trust her, I feel like she's someone I can talk to every now and then.

Please don't give up, because I'M not giving up on you, and neither are the other members of TeenHelp. Feel free to PM me anytime if you'd like to keep talking about this or any other issues. I'm here to listen, not to judge. <3






   
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