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uncle is visiting soon - June 4th 2010, 10:36 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

im getting so nervous right now, my uncle is comming over from the middle east this month for a little while with his wife, the problem is a few years ago when my uncle lived with us he was a alcoholic, he constantly drank, took my dads money (well my dad sorta gave it to him as my uncles my dads brother) and i would come home from school most of the time to find my uncle passed out on the sofa, my uncle is comming over to visit us soon he came over last year too but last year was fine, he drank abit but it wasnt like it was he lived with us, at the same time i want to see my uncle i also dont. im scared in case he has gone back to his old ways and is drinking lots agian, im dreading him comming here, what do i do ? i cant really talk to my dad or my mum as they both drink ? what can i do, im dreading his visit and i cant talk to my family about it.



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Re: uncle is visiting soon - June 4th 2010, 11:30 PM

It doesn't sound like you would be able to prevent the visit. And it seems there's a chance your uncle has gotten better since he wasn't as bad during visits since the time he lived with you. It may be that your uncle was under a lot of stress when he was living under your roof. It depends what the circumstances were at the time. Even though your parents drink, that doesn't mean they don't share the same concerns as you. I guess it depends HOW MUCH they drink. I would think that sharing your concerns would be fine. But leave it at that. At least that way you know that they know how you feel during the visit.
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Re: uncle is visiting soon - June 5th 2010, 07:17 AM

I agree with Park Ranger. Unless your parents are alcoholics, I don't see how addressing your concerns would be a problem. Keep in mind, however, that you are living under THEIR roof... so at the end of the day, if they want to have your uncle come visit, there isn't anything you can do.

How long will your uncle be visiting? Have you considered staying with a friend for part (or all) of the time that he'll be visiting? If your uncle tends to drink in the middle of the day, then you could find something to do around that time (ex. run errands, go study for classes, hang out with friends). If he drinks the heaviest at night, then perhaps you could sleep over at a friend's house, and come back in the morning, once he's sobered up.





   
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Re: uncle is visiting soon - June 5th 2010, 12:17 PM

both my parents drink alot, my dad is an alcoholic and my mum drinks alot but not as much as my dad. when my uncle lived us before he had just finished a relationship and his girlfriend had run off with all his money so he was moneyless and homelss.



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Re: uncle is visiting soon - June 7th 2010, 04:59 PM

SquidPid, I think that the most important thing I can say to you is that you are not alone. Yes, your uncle's visit is stressing you out but you have been dealing with great hardships for far longer. Alchoholism within a family is very devastating. You are having to deal with things no one should ever have to. I have no doubt your family loves you very much. That being said I must add that alchoholism is a sickness. What is going on in your family is in NO WAY YOUR FAULT.

You need to find a healthy way to deal with all of the things causing the stress in your life. Cutting and drinking are only going to make things much worse. I had to go back and read many of your older posts since I have been away from Teen Help so much while I've been taking care of my new baby. He's almost one year old now (less than a week; June 12). Now that I know a little bit about you, I truly care about your well being.

Since I live in the U.S. I don't know what help is available for you in the U.K. I strongly urge you to find out if there are any support groups for children of alchoholics or something similar. I see you are in college. That would be an excellent place to look. Ask a school counselor what resources are available. Also, are you still seeing a doctor or psychologist/psychiatrist? Tell them about the alchoholism. Remember, it's no one's fault because it is a sickness. That way the doctor can also better help you deal with all the stress and depression you feel. If you're not seeing someone, I beg you to ask your mum to set up an appointment. You don't have to tell her why right away. And it would be your decision to tell her later if you decide to. Just say that you really want to talk to someone. From what I've read it seems your mum should be understanding.

For the immediate problem of your uncle's visit PSY had a good idea. If there is any way you can stay busy with friends or school that might keep you away more then try that. I think you'll be just fine. You said that when your uncle lived with you he "had just finished a relationship and his girlfriend had run off with all his money so he was moneyless and homelss".

Wow, that must have been very difficult to deal with. And you admitted he wasn't as bad when he's come to visit since. Try not to get all worked up. Set your sights on getting involved in some sort of support group. There you can spend time with other young people dealing with the same thing as you. It will actually make you feel much better and you will see you're not alone. It is very important you do these things - for you and your family. This way you can all hopefully begin a very much needed healing process.

You are in my thoughts SquidPid. Take care!
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