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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Kate_Madison Offline
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Lost cause? - June 12th 2010, 02:36 AM

So for the past 7months I've been dating this guy, amazing guy. I love him and he loves me. All happy gooey romantic stuff.
The problem I have isn't with our relationship... it's with my well sort of friend.
Before I started dating this guy my friend had made it known the summer before she liked him. (I liked him at the same time but couldn't make it known because I had a different boyfriend at the time). Months past and then it was November. The guy I'm currently dating and I got together. Now I suspected that my friend might have still had a small crush on him but I thought it was more or less over. It wasn't. At all. And I feel terrible that I hurt her and I... started dating him. I didn't really feel like I owed her anything at the time because they weren't even close to dating. he didn't like her in that way and me and her weren't super friends or anything (more like same peer group at school and occasionally we'd hang out with our friends at the same time.) But i felt we had been getting a bit closer before I went and screwed it up.

Now, 7months later, I've backed off, given her some time I guess, tried to be a good friend from a distance because she doesn't like me any more. I'm sure she doesn't hate me but she sure as hell doesn't like me. She still REALLY likes my boyfriend though. I don't know what to do... I'm so hesitant to show emotion towards my boyfriend when she's around or kiss him and be couply because I don't want to rub it in her face...

What should I do about this? Is there anything I can do??

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Re: Lost cause? - June 12th 2010, 03:32 AM

If he didn't have any feelings for her, there wasn't much hope for her in the first place. It was either one of you being happy, or no one happy at all, which isn't really fair. And you have been considerate about your friends feelings, since you felt bad about hurting her and try not to rub it in.

Your friend should be able to be happy for you, since it wasn't going to work out with her and your bf. I think unfortunately she's most likely jealous that she wanted something but couldn't have it, and now you have it instead.

There isn't much you can do really except give it more time and hope she eventually accepts it. If she's only going to be happy if you lose your bf and she gets him instead, she's not really being a good friend.

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Re: Lost cause? - June 13th 2010, 12:34 AM

If you want, just try to confront her about it. Its not like you were trying to hurt her. Since he didn't like her eather, you didn't stop anything from happening.

Though try to understand if you were in her shoes & try to understand how jeouse she is. I think its really poilte of you to not act all lovly dovly in front of her, but if you guys want to kiss or just hold hands in front her thats fine. The world doesn't relove around her & shes bound to get over it sometime.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about it, to maybe talk to her letting her know that he doesn't like her?
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Re: Lost cause? - June 13th 2010, 01:08 AM

If your boyfriend wasn't interested in her, it'd be unfair on yourself to not try to hook up with him. You can't blame him for not being interested in her, neither can she, that's just how things went down.

I lost a good friend for a while over something like this. I was the girl who likes your boyfriend (though, I'm a guy...). To be honest, I didn't ever get over it because teenage emotions are hard to control, and the jealousy towards the person playing you and the feelings I had for the person playing your boyfriend were just too great. You can try act nice, but it may be worth your while to try just respect the fact she likes him and try not to antagonise her by being all cute in front of him.

Reading this post back, it's one of the worst pieces of writing ever. But you get the idea. It's past 1am. Give me a break.

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Re: Lost cause? - June 13th 2010, 05:41 PM

Hey, Kate It's great that you've got such a close relationship with your boyfriend.

I presume he knows your friend was interested in him, and as others have said before me, because he didn't requite it wouldn't have had much hope in the first place. Because of this, I wouldn't worry about your friend stealing him away from you now, and I'm sure he has no intention of leaving you for anyone. Being a 'good friend from a distance', as you put it, is exactly the right thing to do, and it's natural to feel awkward or unwilling to be loving and gooey in front of her. You're being a very good friend, and she's unlikely to want to make an enemy out of you.

I recommend talking to your boyfriend about it. He'll be able to support you, and it'll stop him from feeling hurt when you're hesitant because your friend's there. You can work with him to make sure you're not making her feel worse. It shouldn't compromise your relationship, but it will make your friend feel a bit better. Remember, what hurts her, more than you loving him, is him requiting. I'm sure your relationship will weather this.

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Lost cause? - June 18th 2010, 06:57 AM

Thank you!! All of you who have responded.
Your advice was really needed and I do intend on talking to my boyfriend about this some more because we are really close. I understand that she`s going to be jealous for a while. And I guess I have to accept and I do understand that teenage emotions can kinda override everything else.

Thank you so much for your help, support and advice.


p.s. it's late. sorry if this reads strangely.


Last edited by Kate_Madison; June 19th 2010 at 06:20 AM.
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