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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Tangled in a web of obligations! - June 22nd 2010, 03:35 PM

I think it'd be easiest to start this post with my daily schedule:
5AM-Alarm goes off, get ready for practice
6-8:30AM- Practice #1 (hardest practice)
8:30-Noon- Free time
Noon-1PM- Practice #2 (Cross train)
1PM-3PM- study
3PM-10PM- Work and Practice #3 (technique)
10PM-11PM- put everything away/eat dinner/get ready for bed
11PM-5AM- Sleep
Pretty busy schedule, isn't it?

(BTW- It looks like I'm working out a lot -and I am- but I compete at my sport (swimming). 1st workout is our hardest, middle workout is cross training, and last workout is technique (so it's easier). And it's under coaching supervision, so it's a lot of hours of practice, but it's varied and modified to avoid injury)

But, I absolutely love it. I LOVE all my practices and I absolutely love my job. I'm having the time of my life right now. So everything should be perfect, right? And it is! At least, at the moment right now it is.

Here's the tricky part: I'm having a friend (from another country) come visit for 3 weeks in August. She's staying with me- living with my family- for those entire 3 weeks. Initially, when we were making arrangements, I told her that I had morning and evening swim practices, and a cross training practice that I go to Mon-Saturday. And I said that I'd be working as well (I can't quit my job for 3 weeks while she's here). I said that's all I'm doing this summer and she was welcome to come visit. At the time, my parents said that it would work too.

Fast-forward to now. I'm away from my house more than I'm at it. I feel really bad because I know I'm not going to be able to spend a lot of time with my friend. (I can't quit practice in August, since I have some very important meets and competitions in the beginning of September). And not working for 3 weeks isn't much of an option either. So my schedule is pretty much going to be the same. I can't take her to work with me (I work at a private club where you have to be a member to get in, and I can't bring in guests.). I said she could join our team for a month and train with us, but I haven't heard back from her if she wants to do that.

My parents are putting even more guilt on me, saying how miserable she's going to be here, and how I'm going to have to figure out how to be at home more (can't happen!) with her. Actually, they're saying that I HAVE to be home more while she's here: and I really don't think that can happen!

And I DID tell her that my schedule would be like this before she made the flight reservations. So it's not a problem of me making false promises that I'm going to be home a lot.

I'm LOVING my life right now. I'm seeing my friends all the time (I workout with them and work with them)... I'm just starting to really stress about what to do when August comes around! Help? With how I should handle everything? What to do with my parents? What to do with my friend?
   
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Re: Tangled in a web of obligations! - June 22nd 2010, 04:05 PM

I think that while she's there, maybe shorten the amount of time that you practice. Because she is coming from a different country to visit YOU. She may feel ignored or unwanted. I think you should shorten your schedule.
Maybe practice every other day while she is there. It wont hurt to take a break from practice and swimming for 3 weeks. Im not saying quit all together - but allow more time for her to see you. From what you are saying, you two will only be able to hang out a small part of the day, and she isnt coming to visit you to be sitting around waiting for you to get home. I think your best option would be to respect that
   
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Re: Tangled in a web of obligations! - June 22nd 2010, 06:01 PM

Ugh, I know! But the thing is, I have a few major competitions in September/end of August that are extremely important, as in, All-American qualifying/major college recruiting important (especially since I'll be a Senior in HS this year). Most important would be All-American... if I were to go All-American this year, I HAVE to perform well at these competitions. Thus, August is a major month I need to be training/technique and taper.

Would it be bad/appear rude to bring her to practices with me? We're a very close team and range from super-competitive to very beginners (we all practice at the same time).

Alternatively, I have other friends who want to see her while she's here (she used to live here in Elementary school, but has only kept in touch with me). Would it appear for me to be blowing her off if she came to practices with me, and then went over to another friend's house while I worked?

I'm sorry, I'm just REALLY stressing out over this situation, and I really don't know what to do! I know it's respectful to skimp on practices/work, but that really isn't an option
   
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Re: Tangled in a web of obligations! - June 22nd 2010, 06:26 PM

Then I would suggest to postpone her trip. bringing her to practice with you would be like saying 'i dont have time for you, but you can tag along with me'

set your priorities. since training is something you cant put off, then put off your friend coming to see you until a later date. i think that would be the best option
   
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Re: Tangled in a web of obligations! - June 22nd 2010, 06:40 PM

Thanks Libbie,

I've been trying to get ahold of her the past few days on facebook- sending her messages/writing on her wall. Can't get a response- and I KNOW she's been on facebook since she's responded to other messages on her wall since I've written mine. This is so frustrating!!!

I don't think she can postpone her trip since she already bought her tickets, though that would definitely be ideal.

And thank you for your opinion about bringing her to practice... I had a feeling it might appear that way

I'm just definitely stressing about all this. Don't know what to do
   
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Re: Tangled in a web of obligations! - June 22nd 2010, 08:58 PM

Can she drive or maybe find her other actived to do while your busey. Like site seening around your home town?
   
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Unhappy Re: Tangled in a web of obligations! - June 23rd 2010, 04:31 AM

No, she can't drive. I can drive her places (I have my license) though... whenever I have free time.

I finally got ahold of her on facebook and she's not too eager to join the team, and all of her flights are final. I'll see if I can convince her to join us (it's really, really fun. And between sets we argue about random topics ranging from Edward Whatever from Twilight (I stay out of those) to the effects of various and obscure hormones on the body (actually, only me, my coach, and one other person take part of those conversations...)). We'll see.

I think while I work, she'll go over to one of my friend's houses or something, since I absolutly can't bring her in (they have a very strict policies about everything from guests to dress code... but it's good hours and pay!)

Hopefully she'll warm up to the idea of joining us for practice.

I just don't know what else to do.
   
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Re: Tangled in a web of obligations! - June 24th 2010, 08:44 PM

Well, your #1 obligation is to the swim team. It's great that your friend wants to come and visit for three weeks... but we're talking about your future as a professional athlete (and possibly getting a partial/full ride to college). Since she knew what to expect right from the beginning, I don't think you should have to sacrifice practice time in order to hang out with her.

Now, work may be another matter. Is it absolutely necessary that you save up as much money as possible? Is the job relevant to your future career? Perhaps it would be possible to request a few days off (or ask for half days) during the three weeks she'll be visiting. At my job, so long as you talk to the manager/supervisors at least two weeks in advance, you can request whatever time off you want. Even if it's just two days per week, or working three half-days each week vs. three full days, that will give you more time to hang out with your friend. =) And you won't have to stress out about losing valuable practice time.

Your friend knows people around town... so I don't think it would be rude to drop her off at their houses around lunch time. You have 3-4 hours of free time every day, so the two of you could have breakfast together and hang out in the mornings. Then, before your second practice, you could either drop her off at a friend's house, or at a mall/library (where she could either meet up with her friends, or spend some time exploring her old town on her own).

Ultimately, she's the one going on vacation... so it's her responsibility to figure out what she'd like to do. You're just giving her a place to stay while she visits. Yes, she's here to see you... but it's not reasonable to ask you to put your life on hold for three weeks. I was in New York City last week, visiting my grandparents. They both work... and while they DID leave work earlier so that they could see me in the afternoons/evenings, they DID NOT request an entire week off from work to show me around the city. I figured out the subway routes on my own, went to the museums on my own, prepared my own meals, etc. Your friend can do the same... you don't need to hold her hand the entire time, and you certainly don't have to feel guilty about leaving her to her own devices. =)





   
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Re: Tangled in a web of obligations! - July 3rd 2010, 04:14 PM

Thank you Psy- that was a very relieving and helpful response! It makes me feel not as guilty about all the training/work. Going Pro is a realistic route for me in the future, and performing well in August/September is very important to attract recruiters.

I've talked to my manager about August, and I can work half-days plus a few extra days off so that'll free up some time. I do need to work to earn some money, since my parents make me pay for a lot of things (gas, swim suits (for practice... I wear through them fast!)-which can cost A LOT, school books/supplies, clothes, etc... I don't complain about paying for all this though, since they've explained their reasoning behind it and I think it's very fair). But, I'll "survive" working half-days in August. And I intend to finish all my summer assignments BEFORE she gets here so I won't have to study at all while she's here, thus freeing up more time.

I think it'll work out... When I went to visit her (a few years back) for a couple of weeks, we actually only hung out for maybe 5 hours a day, despite staying at her house. She didn't have a job or anything... we just felt that being together 24/7 was too much.
   
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