TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
anonymous24 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
anonymous24's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 21
Join Date: June 25th 2010

Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 25th 2010, 01:31 AM

Okay, here it goes. I have an identical twin sister. Compared to most twins, we're fairly close. We share a lot of the same interests and friends. Although as most of you already know, the closer you are, the more fights you have.
There are many people who say they wish they had a twin, and that doesn't bother me if it's just out of curiousity and they're not serious about it. It's when people actually believe they would want to have a twin, without understanding that twins are just sisters. Some people think it would be "cool" to have a "copy" of themselves, and ask me all the time what it's like to have two of me in existence. I honestly have to bite the inside of my cheek and force a smile to keep from exploding into anger or tears. This sounds like a cliche teenage problem, but some people (not all! I'm trying not to stereotype) have no idea what it's like to not have any individualism whatsoever. I'm nothing. I'm completely worthless and don't even deserve to be alive. Every day I'm reminded of that fact by the ignorance of strangers. If I died it wouldn't even matter because there's another, better version of me to take my place. Sometimes I get depressed by this, and sometimes I'm full of rage. All of my most secret and private thoughts, she probably thinks as well. It makes me feel so awful and useless that I just want to cripple over and collapse onto the ground.
There's also the fact that, a lot of the time, I can't stand her. I'm pretty sure that is just because I see all of my flaws reflected in her. I have a lot of self esteem issues, and to see all of those problems staring me in the face constantly is mortifying. The worst part is that I'll have to live with this for my entire life. Oh, and please don't say anything like, "just be nice to her, she's your sister after all," because I know that. I love my sister I just need some comforting words of encouragement.
Also, if it helps, I'm almost completely 100% positive that I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Jacksonian Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
Jacksonian's Avatar
 
Name: Jackson
Gender: Male
Location: 3rd Rock from the Sun

Posts: 1,522
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: November 6th 2009

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 25th 2010, 01:44 AM

You are you. Your sister and you may seem like copies but there is a distinct "trait" in you that makes you you. This, what you are feeling here is just a sample that you aren't just a copy. Sure you look the same and perhaps have many similar habits but there is still something in you that makes you different from her. Believe that because it is true.

And by the way, if you don't mind me asking, what's your name, if you don't mind me asking ?
Cause your name is the first thing that declares your difference, so don't act like a copy or permit yourself to
feel like one, cause being a person is more than a physical appearance, its the soul inside you, so don't forget that.

So that if you want, you can declare it here loud and proud that you are who you are.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.

Last edited by Jacksonian; June 25th 2010 at 01:47 AM. Reason: addition
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
anonymous24 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
anonymous24's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 21
Join Date: June 25th 2010

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 25th 2010, 03:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacksonian View Post
You are you. Your sister and you may seem like copies but there is a distinct "trait" in you that makes you you. This, what you are feeling here is just a sample that you aren't just a copy. Sure you look the same and perhaps have many similar habits but there is still something in you that makes you different from her. Believe that because it is true.

And by the way, if you don't mind me asking, what's your name, if you don't mind me asking ?
Cause your name is the first thing that declares your difference, so don't act like a copy or permit yourself to
feel like one, cause being a person is more than a physical appearance, its the soul inside you, so don't forget that.

So that if you want, you can declare it here loud and proud that you are who you are.
I'd rather not state my name here, to keep myself anonymous (hence the name :P), but I completely understand your point. I should keep reminding myself of this. Thanks for the help!
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,025
Blog Entries: 35
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 25th 2010, 05:04 PM

Hello, Anonymous (haha... my friend actually makes all of her usernames "Anonymous" as well)!

I'm an only child, so it's difficult for me to relate... but one of my closest friends has a twin sister. They're not identical, but that doesn't mean they don't have their own unique struggles. My friend is overweight - has been since she was a baby - so her self-esteem is already low because of that. Her sister doesn't make things any easier, because she's a cheerleader with the "perfect" body. Imagine asking yourself every single day, "Why couldn't we both look like that? Why am I fat while my sister isn't?". She's dieted and exercised, but since they're not identical twins, their genetic makeups are different. It appears that my friend was cursed with the "fat" genes, while her sister wasn't.

I don't know what your struggles are, and I'm not going to press for details... but my experiences with my friend (and her twin sister) have shown me that it's NOT JUST MY FRIEND who struggles with these issues of self-esteem. My friend's sister may be physically fit and have the prestige of being a cheerleader... but in the past, she's confided in me, telling me how absolutely miserable she is. All of her friends are superficial, save for a few... and they are often too busy to hang out with her. Whenever she dates someone, she wonders if they're just with her because she's a cheerleader, vs. because they like her personality. My friend is in the theater club, so she's ALL about personality. I think, at times, her twin sister feels that my friend has all the personality and charm, whereas she's just a real-life Barbie doll. If that's not bad for one's self-esteem, I don't know what is.

My point is that you ARE different. You may be a "copy" genetically, but that doesn't mean your interests, personalities, lifestyles, morals/beliefs, etc. are also going to be the same. Right now, it SEEMS that way, because it's easy to just hang out with the same group of friends, participate in the same activities, etc. As you grow up and move away, however, you're going to change. I know there are stories in the news about identical twins (separated from birth) choosing the same careers... but that is NOT the case with every single pair of identical twins. Your environment shapes who you are as an individual, not just your genetics. So if you change what you do and who you hang out with... slowly but surely, you won't feel like you're just a copy of your sister. At that point, strangers and acquaintances may still ask questions like "How does it feel to have a copy of yourself?", because they're genuinely curious... but anyone who TRULY knows the two of you will know that you're not copies at all. Hopefully, you'll be able to realize that as well. =)





   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Pour the Teapot Offline
Train whistles and cicadas
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
Pour the Teapot's Avatar
 
Name: Chloe
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Happy

Posts: 761
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 25th 2010, 05:14 PM

inside, you are completley different from your sister. although yes, there is a bond twins share, there's nothing forcing you to be like her. lookswise, there is plenty you can do. wear a different style of clothes, dye your hair, wear different makeup, etc. if looks are what you care about. and i know plenty of twins who all have different personalities. and i'm absolutley positive that tons of people would be heartbroken if you died. so, if it's what you care about, change your looks and remind yourself that your thoughts are your own, not anyone else's.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
anonymous24 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
anonymous24's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 21
Join Date: June 25th 2010

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 25th 2010, 05:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Hello, Anonymous (haha... my friend actually makes all of her usernames "Anonymous" as well)!

I'm an only child, so it's difficult for me to relate... but one of my closest friends has a twin sister. They're not identical, but that doesn't mean they don't have their own unique struggles. My friend is overweight - has been since she was a baby - so her self-esteem is already low because of that. Her sister doesn't make things any easier, because she's a cheerleader with the "perfect" body. Imagine asking yourself every single day, "Why couldn't we both look like that? Why am I fat while my sister isn't?". She's dieted and exercised, but since they're not identical twins, their genetic makeups are different. It appears that my friend was cursed with the "fat" genes, while her sister wasn't.

I don't know what your struggles are, and I'm not going to press for details... but my experiences with my friend (and her twin sister) have shown me that it's NOT JUST MY FRIEND who struggles with these issues of self-esteem. My friend's sister may be physically fit and have the prestige of being a cheerleader... but in the past, she's confided in me, telling me how absolutely miserable she is. All of her friends are superficial, save for a few... and they are often too busy to hang out with her. Whenever she dates someone, she wonders if they're just with her because she's a cheerleader, vs. because they like her personality. My friend is in the theater club, so she's ALL about personality. I think, at times, her twin sister feels that my friend has all the personality and charm, whereas she's just a real-life Barbie doll. If that's not bad for one's self-esteem, I don't know what is.

My point is that you ARE different. You may be a "copy" genetically, but that doesn't mean your interests, personalities, lifestyles, morals/beliefs, etc. are also going to be the same. Right now, it SEEMS that way, because it's easy to just hang out with the same group of friends, participate in the same activities, etc. As you grow up and move away, however, you're going to change. I know there are stories in the news about identical twins (separated from birth) choosing the same careers... but that is NOT the case with every single pair of identical twins. Your environment shapes who you are as an individual, not just your genetics. So if you change what you do and who you hang out with... slowly but surely, you won't feel like you're just a copy of your sister. At that point, strangers and acquaintances may still ask questions like "How does it feel to have a copy of yourself?", because they're genuinely curious... but anyone who TRULY knows the two of you will know that you're not copies at all. Hopefully, you'll be able to realize that as well. =)
Thanks for the help! I do understand that she has struggles too, and I don't think of her as just some lifeless problem for me. That's actually one of the main issues. I feel like my privacy is being invaded because, when we talk about these kinds of things. We have the EXACT same thoughts, feelings, and opnions. I do agree with you about growing apart as we get older. I appreciate the advice!
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
anonymous24 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
anonymous24's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 21
Join Date: June 25th 2010

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 25th 2010, 05:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuburbanTiger View Post
inside, you are completley different from your sister. although yes, there is a bond twins share, there's nothing forcing you to be like her. lookswise, there is plenty you can do. wear a different style of clothes, dye your hair, wear different makeup, etc. if looks are what you care about. and i know plenty of twins who all have different personalities. and i'm absolutley positive that tons of people would be heartbroken if you died. so, if it's what you care about, change your looks and remind yourself that your thoughts are your own, not anyone else's.
Thanks! I'm going to a new school when summer ends, so I'll try to mix things up and establish myself as a different person.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Nutty Nat Offline
nuttychick but friendly :)
Average Joe
***
 
Nutty Nat's Avatar
 
Name: Natalie
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Yorkshire,England

Posts: 181
Join Date: July 29th 2009

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 25th 2010, 05:32 PM

Hun i'm going to try sound not mean now so sorry if i offend you but listen.
Please be grateful for having a twin,i lost mine 3 days afterbirth i would love to still have my twin yes maybe your identical and you don't get your own individuality but at least you can have someone that you can share a bond with.At least try getting on,people are saying they wish they had a twin because its a beautiful unique bond so please just try living with the comments.


Love you Naomi R.I.P i miss you loads but i will never forget you
08/11/92 - 10/11/92

R.I.P Gill - I love you as a second mum,will never forget you and all your advice,oh and i will keep smiling like you wanted see
Going to try continue helping people like you wanted and you did,hope i'm making you proud
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Pour the Teapot Offline
Train whistles and cicadas
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
Pour the Teapot's Avatar
 
Name: Chloe
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Happy

Posts: 761
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 25th 2010, 06:36 PM

[quote=anonymous24;414617]Thanks! I'm going to a new school when summer ends, so I'll try to mix things up and establish myself as a different person

that's the spirit!
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
anonymous24 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
anonymous24's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 21
Join Date: June 25th 2010

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 26th 2010, 10:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nutty Nat View Post
Hun i'm going to try sound not mean now so sorry if i offend you but listen.
Please be grateful for having a twin,i lost mine 3 days afterbirth i would love to still have my twin yes maybe your identical and you don't get your own individuality but at least you can have someone that you can share a bond with.At least try getting on,people are saying they wish they had a twin because its a beautiful unique bond so please just try living with the comments.
I'm not offended by that, I respect your opinion, so don't worry. I understand where you're coming from, but that "unique bond" really isn't as special as you think it is. It's like having a really, really good friend, only with less friendship. I know that sounds weird! I have these two friends who are just as close bonding wise as my sister and I, bu they like each other more. I'm sorry for your loss, I truly am, but I think if (s)he had lived you would be wishing to know what it was like without him/her. I think it's a "wanting what you can't have" situation for not only you, but me as well.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Nutty Nat Offline
nuttychick but friendly :)
Average Joe
***
 
Nutty Nat's Avatar
 
Name: Natalie
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Yorkshire,England

Posts: 181
Join Date: July 29th 2009

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 27th 2010, 12:46 PM

Well just be grateful to have a twin your lucky! I wish i still had my twin but i don't so i have to be happy at that,its hard but i know i'd rather her not be suffering with the condition she would of had if she lived and she would be severally disabled whereas i wouldn't of been disabled tho as i am ok.


Love you Naomi R.I.P i miss you loads but i will never forget you
08/11/92 - 10/11/92

R.I.P Gill - I love you as a second mum,will never forget you and all your advice,oh and i will keep smiling like you wanted see
Going to try continue helping people like you wanted and you did,hope i'm making you proud
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
Jesus paid it ALL.
I've been here a while
********
 
ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST's Avatar
 
Name: Emily
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia( the U.S. state)

Posts: 1,928
Join Date: June 7th 2010

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 28th 2010, 12:57 AM

She may be your twin. BUT you will always be your own person with your own personality. I do not have a twin, but I do have a sister and we are as different as night and day each with our own likes dislikes, ECT. Just because you have a twin does not mean you are a copy.

You DO deserve to be alive and no one could take your place.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
anonymous24 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
anonymous24's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 21
Join Date: June 25th 2010

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 28th 2010, 01:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I love dogs View Post
She may be your twin. BUT you will always be your own person with your own personality. I do not have a twin, but I do have a sister and we are as different as night and day each with our own likes dislikes, ECT. Just because you have a twin does not mean you are a copy.

You DO deserve to be alive and no one could take your place.
Thanks! I appreciate it.
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
randomperson Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
randomperson's Avatar
 
Name: Ann
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere in the USA

Posts: 18
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: January 9th 2009

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - June 30th 2010, 11:03 PM

I don't fully understand how your feeling but I ca relate. I also have an identical twin sister. When we were little everything was peachy and I loved having her around. I felt lost without her and when I couldn't find her or when she was gone for a while I cried. But later on I had some abuse happen and I got some medical problems. I hated her for being the perfect sister and I wished it was her. I wrote a blog entitled "am I horrible"about it if you want to read it. I wanted to be her and I felt like I was always seeing what I want to be but never could be. But it turns out she was going down a spiral of self hatred and wishing it were her that everything happened to so she could save me.

Moral to the story is your sister really does care about you and she may be having a hard time seeing you in pain. Because there is a connection there wether it be a twin or just sister connection. You both love each other and care about each other very much but are 100% deferent people. you are unique and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to vent or just chat!
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
anonymous24 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
anonymous24's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 21
Join Date: June 25th 2010

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - July 1st 2010, 03:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by randomperson View Post
I don't fully understand how your feeling but I ca relate. I also have an identical twin sister. When we were little everything was peachy and I loved having her around. I felt lost without her and when I couldn't find her or when she was gone for a while I cried. But later on I had some abuse happen and I got some medical problems. I hated her for being the perfect sister and I wished it was her. I wrote a blog entitled "am I horrible"about it if you want to read it. I wanted to be her and I felt like I was always seeing what I want to be but never could be. But it turns out she was going down a spiral of self hatred and wishing it were her that everything happened to so she could save me.

Moral to the story is your sister really does care about you and she may be having a hard time seeing you in pain. Because there is a connection there wether it be a twin or just sister connection. You both love each other and care about each other very much but are 100% deferent people. you are unique and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to vent or just chat!
I read your blog, and it's really interesting. I understand that state of mind. Thanks for your help!
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Digital Emotions's Avatar
 
Age: 30
Gender: Male

Posts: 42
Join Date: May 30th 2010

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - July 1st 2010, 04:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous24 View Post
Also, if it helps, I'm almost completely 100% positive that I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
If that is true, then you should get a diagnosis. If you have a major case of Borderline Personality Disorder, then you should not even think about ignoring it. Get help of some kind.
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
anonymous24 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
anonymous24's Avatar
 
Gender: Female

Posts: 21
Join Date: June 25th 2010

Re: Twin Sister: I'm Just a Copy - July 4th 2010, 02:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Digital Emotions View Post
If that is true, then you should get a diagnosis. If you have a major case of Borderline Personality Disorder, then you should not even think about ignoring it. Get help of some kind.
Thanks for the advice!
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
borderline, copy, individual, sister, twin, worthless

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.