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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
DragonRider Offline
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Name: Chloe
Age: 26
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Ok, I've really had enough now - February 13th 2009, 07:53 PM

So one of my friends is really starting to piss me off. You know how some people are annoying, but you can just ignore it? With her, you can't. She's loud and in your face.

She's been like that for some time, been something of an attention seeker, but we just kind of put it down to it just being the way she is.

But recently, she's been making these jokes that aren't even funny. And I mean jokes about things that you really shouldn't joke about; like racial differences, people with mental and physical disabilities. A couple of days ago, she did an 'impression' of someone with Downs syndrome and found it hilarious.

Also, my group of friends is a bit weird at the moment. It's kind of a three and a four, but we all hang around together at lunchtimes etc. I'm in the four and everyone in the three hates one of my friends (to make this slightly less complicated, we'll call her A) in the four because one of them had an argument with A and the other two kind of joined in (I'm sorry if this is getting confusing )

Now, I don't care that they hate her. That's their business. But my friend (the one that's pissing me off) doesn't only bitch behind A's back but does it right in front of her. Another one in the three does it too (the other one that joined in the argument), but she's more subtle (I'm not saying that makes it ok, by the way)

And basically, as the title suggests, I've had enough. She's being immature and frankly, if she's going to carry on like this, I don't really want to hang around with her anymore. But there's a small problem. I've been her friend for a good four years now and I'm not happy about just dropping that. A part of me still wants to be her friend, but on the other hand, she seems to have turned into a very unpleasant person.

The rest of the four agrees that she's a pain in the arse and her behaviour is frankly offensive and completely unwanted.

So what should I do? Confront her and let her know how I feel about the way she's behaving? Or should I just leave it and see if she'll stop?

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Chazzz Offline
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Re: Ok, I've really had enough now - February 14th 2009, 11:32 AM

You're friends, and like you said, you don't want to lose that.

I would confront her. Explain basically everything you've said here. Her behaviour is completely out of order but I guess you have to accept that some people are just like that. Assuming you're all the same age, 11-15... People change A LOT through this age period. I was friends with a lot of people that I simply cannot tolerate anymore when I was that age. You grow up and mature at different rates and you start define who you are as a person more. It's quite natural for friends to start to drift apart.

But yeah, talk to her. There could be something going on in her personal life that is manifesting itself as this prejudice anger. You never know.
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Re: Ok, I've really had enough now - February 14th 2009, 03:46 PM

Hi Chloe,

I agree with Charlotte^ To have this kind of problem solved, you really need to talk to her about it. Let her know that the jokes she is making are not appropriate and people find them offensive.

It would be a good idea to talk with her alone. Ganging up on her with a group of friends wouldn't really be fair for the situation. Since she's been your friend for so long, she really needs to hear this from you. She probably doesn't know that other people don't think the jokes are funny. Some people need to hear it.

Leaving it as it is, the situation won't resolve itself. Since she doesn't know she is acting this way and offending people, she wont stop on her own. So just talk to her one on one. I'm sure she will be more conscious of what she is saying afterward.

I hope this goes well for you.

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