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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Hurr. Birthday Dilemma. - July 2nd 2010, 09:54 PM

Ergh.

I'm in a difficult position. A friend of mine and I are currently on a three day break; I'm the one who initiated it, and I'm the one who's following through. Essentially I felt I was being ignored and neglected, and even though it was only over a three day span, it stung deep enough so that I felt I needed to take some time to recover or at least to sort out my thoughts and feelings. I told him I was going to take the weekend, that I was unfriending him from Facebook (I told him I needed a total and complete break, which meant temporarily unfriending him, though the blunt truth is that it's painful seeing someone active in status updates, comments, and in chat only to not have them respond when you try to strike up a conversation) and that I hoped we could still be friends, and re-friend each other on FB, once the break was up. I said I loved him dearly, but that this was more something I needed to do for me. After numerous re-writes, I feel I was as diplomatic as I could have been. He never responded, but I'm not too fussed because he never responds to FB messages in general and has even told me he doesn't like using messages or e-mail as a way of communicating. To each their own.

I do plan on carrying out this break. I've been miserable since I sent the message, I'll admit, and since I took him off my friend's list - I even cried myself to sleep (he is, without doubt, my best friend, and he claims I'm his/one of his); pathetic, I realise that - but I really do feel that taking this break is doing what's best for me. And since ending my last abusive relationship, I learnt that taking care of yourself is incredibly important.

The issue is that it's his birthday on the 7th. He doesn't live in my immediate area, so getting something mailed to him on time would mean I'd have to send it early on the 5th. My break technically ends on the 4th, and who's to say whether or not he'll re-add me to his friend's list or even have any desire to contact me. Essentially what I'd planned on doing was sending him a birthday card and then writing him an invitation. I want to bake him cookies and cream cheese cupcakes, and he's been hinting at needing/wanting stuff for badminton, so I was going to give him a budget of 45$ and have him either take the cash or take me shopping because he's a bit of a badminton snob and I don't want to get the wrong brand of anything. But there'll be no way to tell whether or not he'll have honoured my break or if he'll have decided he doesn't want anything to do with me until after I'd have sent the card. And if I send the card, I want to send it so it arrives on his birthday.

I have three options. I can send the card and write something along the lines of "even though I took a break over the weekend, I still wanted you to have a little something from me to open on your birthday, since I can't be there to celebrate it with ya," I can send the card and not mention the break at all or I can simply not send it. The third option would break my heart a bit, seeing as he's said he doesn't do birthdays and no one celebrates it for/with him anyway, and I'm a huge fan of my loved ones' birthdays (not much for my own, but for my loved ones, def!) but if it's the best option, well... Then I guess I can't change that. What do you think?

   
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Re: Hurr. Birthday Dilemma. - July 4th 2010, 12:28 AM

Not that anyone responded, but I ended up sending the letter so this thread can be closed now.
   
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Re: Hurr. Birthday Dilemma. - July 4th 2010, 07:55 AM

Closing this thread. Hope everything works out after tomorrow! =)






   
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