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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
migel Offline
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Ex-friends and my potential girlfriend (Warning: Long) - July 4th 2010, 09:20 PM

Okay. So I have a problem with some ex-friends with mine, that I worry about what may happen with my potential girlfriend.

A few months ago I met this one girl off of Plenty Of Fish.com on a friends-only basis. We were fine for a few months until about a week or two ago when she decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore. Later in the end of the friendship, things weren't looking that great anyway, where we would bicker about stupid things all the time, stupid fights.

I'm a pretty good person to get along with. It was mostly her that was having problems with me. She didn't like that I wasn't interested in the same things as her, like screamo music, the same dress sense, and that I'm not as outgoing as she is. I'm only wild to a certain extent and beyond that line, I can't see myself doing it. Such like heavy drinking and things of that nature.

The friendship, I believe, thought to have ended fine. I was okay with the fact that she wanted to end the friendship, because I wasn't being as treated as nice as I wanted to have been anyway. I lent her money (like $120.00) because her, at age 21 with no job ever, no college education, no license, or no car, didn't have it for something she wanted to do. I told her before I lent it that I was lending it to her in trust that she will pay it back. Now that the friendship is over, she did not honor that trust I had given her. I don't really care about the money, I'm probably never going to get it back, as I'm long since past it.

If I really wanted to, I could contact her parents (I have the one parent's cellphone number), or visit her house in person and talk to them there about this whole issue I'm describing right now.

She decided to end the friendship on Facebook private messaging. I've met several friends through her. When the friendship with her ended, I un-friended pretty much everyone I ever met through her on Facebook, minus one person, because he's not really involved with them (I don't think) and she decided to stop being friends with him as well.

I found out later that through one of my closest friends, who friended her and her one friend on Facebook, that after the friendship between me and them ended that they were talking shit about me behind my back on wall posts and status updates. I read the transcripts and was very heart-broken to see what they were writing about me. They were saying that I'm like Edward Scissorhands with long finger nails (I have long fingernails but they're not REALLY long, mind you), that I'm ugly, how bad I'll look when I'm older, and that I'm gay. Mind you, both of these girls are 21. I'm 21 too. I believe that what they're doing is very immature and probably just doing this to get a rise out of themselves, or they have nothing to do.

I asked my closest friend to report these hurtful status updates / wall posts on Facebook as cyber-bullying. He has. And Facebook hasn't taken action (I don't think) about it. There weren't specific names being mentioned in their wall posts and status updates, but I knew who it was about...me.

Don't get me wrong, I've done everything in my power to be a good friend to these people. I've done above and beyond what any normal person would have done. I've taken them places, hung out, lent them money, and I'm just under-appreciated by them.

About a few days before the friendship broke apart, I started to realize that there's this girl at my bank who I believe had a lot of interest in me. I never been in any sort of a relationship before with a girl, never asked anyone out, so I'm very new at that. I'm 21.

I told these couple of people (ex-friends) about this before the friendship ended, because it looked very promising to me. They knew she worked at my bank (I think they know the location of the bank based on what I described) and her name. The one girl would gloat all the time about how wonderful her boyfriend is, and I was feeling jealous (I believe) because she was gloating in front of my face all the time that she has a relationship and here I am, never had one, and it was putting me down all the time. I would even do things like driving her over to her boyfriend's house because her boyfriend didn't have access to a car or some stupid reason like that. It irritated me.

I thought that things were looking pretty promising with the girl at my bank. The friendship ended, and after the friendship ended, I asked the girl at my bank out. She said "Yes", I gave her my cellphone number and she gave me her's. We've talked on the phone once since I asked her out (Friday last week) and sent a few text messages yesterday. Our first date is supposed to be this upcoming Saturday. I'm hoping it goes well.

The girl at my bank told me that she was going to be in the 4th of July parade in my town this morning. I went out today and seen her there, but I don't think she saw me. I told her beforehand I was going to be there to watch it.

However, about an hour before the parade started, I got a phone call from the two ex-friends who were pretending to pose as the girl at the bank. Different phone number I never saw before, as it wasn't stored in my phone. I didn't know it was them until about a half-hour conversation. Basically they were just trying to pry what they could out of me about what I thought of them. I told them how bad the friendship was between me, the two ex-friends, and various details about it, but I thought I was telling it to the girl at the bank and not them.

When I found out it was them on the phone, I hung it up and haven't answered any calls thereafter. They left me one voicemail saying "Why are you being so mean? I wish you would give me a call so we can talk about it" but I'm probably not going to, after all they've done to me, posing as my potential girlfriend, posting things on Facebook behind my back putting me down, abusing me and taking advantage of me when I was in the friendship with them.

I was fine with the friendship being over. I still am. And I don't care if it doesn't start back up again. I'd be better off.

The one thing that I worry about now is if they would intentionally go out to where my bank is, find her, and tell her bad things about me or something. I worried about this after the friendship ended but they didn't seem to have done anything. Now I'm worrying about it again, after this phone call this morning.

Things look very promising between me and the girl at the bank right now and I don't want that to fall apart. I've never felt love before, she said yes to me asking her out, and I'm a complete virgin with everything like that.

I just worry about the two ex-friends trying to sabotage me for what's been going on lately with what looks like to be a potential romance I have with the girl at the bank.

Thanks for hearing me out. It's been a lot on my mind lately.
   
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Re: Ex-friends and my potential girlfriend (Warning: Long) - July 7th 2010, 08:50 AM

Hello, Migel, and welcome to TeenHelp!

That's definitely a difficult situation to be in. I'm sorry to hear that your ex-friends have said and done so many mean things to you. Perhaps Facebook isn't taking action against them because they didn't post all those hurtful things on YOUR wall. I'm going to suggest what a Facebook representative would probably also suggest: block them all. Don't go onto their profile pages and read anything they've said. I know it's tempting to go back and find out what they're up to... but you know that it'll only make you feel crappy in the end, and satisfying your curiosity isn't worth all that aggravation.

When it comes to the girl at the bank... I honestly wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't tell her about your ex-friends, I wouldn't warn her about people who might want to talk crap about you, I wouldn't complain to her manager or security and ask that the ex-friends be banned from the premises... I would assume that everything is okay until proven otherwise. Perhaps they're only trying to scare you into THINKING they'll do something, and you'll end up screwing this relationship up on your own if you try to "beat them to it" and explain what's going on. A new girlfriend doesn't need to hear all that drama right off the bat... it will scare her away!

In the unlikely event that these ex-friends DO talk to your new girlfriend while she's at work, one of two things will happen. Either your girlfriend will freak out and break things off with you, or she'll take what they say into consideration but keep seeing you. If she breaks things off, just because of what some people say, then frankly, she's not worth dating anyway. If she ends up mentioning your ex-friends, then it may be a good time to briefly summarize what's going on, and to assure her that everything they say should be taken with a grain of salt.





   
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