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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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To bother or not. - July 5th 2010, 08:50 PM

A few months ago, I slept with a girl who we'll just call A. It was at the time what I'd call a drunken mistake and the first to find out was her ex, she was upset because she was still in love with A and word soon got out which meant a lot of people thought I was stupid for doing it, even some to go as far as hate me for it. A apologised for what happened, neither of us expected such a massive drama over it and they offered their friendship which I took knowing that I probably didn't have many friends at the time. To start with, things were great and they always made the effort such as inviting me to theirs and offering to come see me and we'd still sleep together every now and then. Then, I got kicked out of my flat because of my friendship with them. I was annoyed but I didn't end the friendship with A because I really didn't see it as their fault and they were still a great friend.

That's when the problems started. Since I had to move into the next town, I was two bus rides away and wasn't in walking distance like I was before so the effort they made started to go but still, I continued to make effort and when I was with them, they were fine but as the months go on, I'm starting to feel as if they're not so much interested in the friendship anymore and more in the sex side of things and because of how shy I am when it comes to letting them know that I want it or that it's okay for them to make a move makes me think they're starting to lose interest in that too. I don't know for sure if that's the situation but from the way they act sometimes such as seeing me when best suits them and ignoring me the rest of the time yet being fine with other friends just makes me think it even more which makes me feel really pissed off and used.

I want to talk to them about it as I feel that's the only way I'll find out what exactly is going on but sometimes I feel they tend to go about things in a harsh way, I wouldn't want to find out like that and I also feel like they just wouldn't be bothered if I told them that I was upset about it which leaves me in a hard situation because I don't want to assume it's true and lose my friend when I was wrong yet I don't want to ignore it and it turns out I was right. I'm a bit stuck and unsure of what I should do.
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Re: To bother or not. - July 7th 2010, 06:26 PM

I know what it's like to have a friend who'll "blow up" when confronted. Unfortunately, this isn't something you can ignore, or pretend is okay. You need to talk to your friend about what's going on, and hope that she'll take it well. If she doesn't... then maybe that's a sign the two of you simply aren't compatible. It's not easy to make new friends... but in some ways, that may be easier than trying to hold on to a friend who's self-centered.

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