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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
"Bisexual" Tux (Linux Mascot)
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Not really sure what to do here... - July 6th 2010, 05:09 AM

Hey everybody. So...I'm at a bit of a loss as to what I should do in this situation. There's this kid who's the same age as me and we met about 2 yrs ago. We somehow became good friends, but he'd always end up getting on my nerves. Then we'd be angry at each other for 24 hrs and then we'd just go back to the old friend thing again. He had a pretty strange sense of humor. He always made fun of me, attempting to "joke around" and it would give him a good laugh. And then he sent me an email one night that he wanted to kill himself. So after I try to leave him a voicemail/email in attempts to discourage said behavior, he replies that he was "Just kidding". He later said he wanted to see how I would react. As far as I am concerned, that's just plain not acceptable from a friend and our relationship pretty quickly deteriorated after that. Ever since he keeps trying to contact me, and in every case I completely ignore him. Now he's coming to my school again next year, and he insists that he's matured and is a different person. The same goes for me, I've gone through a lot...most of which is stuff I would NEVER tell him. It's conceivable that he's lonely and really needs a friend right now, which is something that I usually like to help by giving support, but after what he did to me I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive him. I don't know WHAT to do. Do I just ignore him and act like we never knew each other? Do I try to carefully befriend him again? Do I explain why I'm not willing to be friends and just move on? What do you guys all think?


Chris
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last updated on 11/11/17
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Not really sure what to do here... - July 6th 2010, 07:28 AM

Hello Jazz guy,
I see your issue. Sometimes you must learn to let go. Be strong. I might not be that helpful. But what ever you do it will be your choice and that is what is right for you. I just wanted to make sure u new that...
   
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Re: Not really sure what to do here... - July 6th 2010, 01:02 PM

Different people would make different decisions. You have to do whatever makes sense to you. Then some day you will have to make a similar decision, and you will be able to think back to this decision, what you decided and what were the consequences. Those consequences will be the consequences from your own perspective, and that is the perspective that counts, because this decision is about you.

Some situations warrant seeking advice from other people, but you are choosing your friends, and nobody else can tell you what sort of friends you want. It would be sort of like telling you what food you should order in a restaurant, but much deeper than that. You will never be able to communicate your perspective in enough detail that another person could give you good advice on this decision. You have to make the decision on your own. And if you cannot make the right decision, you have to make the wrong decision so you can see the consequences and it will help you learn how to make similar decisions in the future.
   
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Re: Not really sure what to do here... - July 6th 2010, 03:40 PM

Hey Chris,
I can understand why you're wary of being friends with this guy again and I think I would be exactly the same,
what kind of a person jokes about being suicidal... that's not something you joke about and worry your friends about.
I wouldn't say ignore him completely in person maybe just make it a hello and goodbye thing, if you see and notice a change in him then maybe afterwards start to be more friendly towards him and try and work on your friendship but someone who jokes about that sort of thing is not worth being friends with in my books because they usually carry on and you're continuously a part of their 'little jokes' and it's not a fun friendship to be in.
So be very wary and see what might happen.
Paige
xx
   
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Re: Not really sure what to do here... - July 9th 2010, 01:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jazz Guy View Post
Hey everybody. So...I'm at a bit of a loss as to what I should do in this situation. There's this kid who's the same age as me and we met about 2 yrs ago. We somehow became good friends, but he'd always end up getting on my nerves. Then we'd be angry at each other for 24 hrs and then we'd just go back to the old friend thing again. He had a pretty strange sense of humor. He always made fun of me, attempting to "joke around" and it would give him a good laugh. And then he sent me an email one night that he wanted to kill himself. So after I try to leave him a voicemail/email in attempts to discourage said behavior, he replies that he was "Just kidding". He later said he wanted to see how I would react. As far as I am concerned, that's just plain not acceptable from a friend and our relationship pretty quickly deteriorated after that. Ever since he keeps trying to contact me, and in every case I completely ignore him. Now he's coming to my school again next year, and he insists that he's matured and is a different person. The same goes for me, I've gone through a lot...most of which is stuff I would NEVER tell him. It's conceivable that he's lonely and really needs a friend right now, which is something that I usually like to help by giving support, but after what he did to me I'm not sure if I'm ready to forgive him. I don't know WHAT to do. Do I just ignore him and act like we never knew each other? Do I try to carefully befriend him again? Do I explain why I'm not willing to be friends and just move on? What do you guys all think?
Try and befriend him, and as you do, lay down the rules that he shouldn't do that. Cause from the way you have described him, there is a possibility that he could do it, maybe the loneliness is getting to him.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
"Bisexual" Tux (Linux Mascot)
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Re: Not really sure what to do here... - July 10th 2010, 04:21 AM

Hey all, thank you for all of your replies. Well yeah many of my friends struggle a lot which is part of why I say that he might be pretty lonely. It seems like for some people (me included sometimes) everything just goes down the drain when they hit their teenage years, which I suppose is normal. So if he is lonely/stressed/having a difficult time I'd want to help him but I just want to avoid him getting on my bad side. I mean...finally all the kids that tease me and drive me crazy are leaving the school, and then I learn that he's coming back...


Chris
You can always contact me to talk about anything!
---------------------
Proud to be myself.

Need a hug? Please take one!

Image Credit: startingover18 (Tumblr)


last updated on 11/11/17
   
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Re: Not really sure what to do here... - July 10th 2010, 04:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jazz Guy View Post
Hey all, thank you for all of your replies. Well yeah many of my friends struggle a lot which is part of why I say that he might be pretty lonely. It seems like for some people (me included sometimes) everything just goes down the drain when they hit their teenage years, which I suppose is normal. So if he is lonely/stressed/having a difficult time I'd want to help him but I just want to avoid him getting on my bad side. I mean...finally all the kids that tease me and drive me crazy are leaving the school, and then I learn that he's coming back...
I get what you're saying, teenagers can be cruel and for others it just becomes hard, so you just have to go through this together.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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