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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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This guy is taking it too far. - July 9th 2010, 03:40 AM

I have this friend. We met because he moved in across the street from me and then later became my friend's boyfriend. The problem is that we're his only friends: me and my friend, and she's only allowed to hang out with him if I'm there and it's at my house and a parent is in the room. The bigger problem is that since she can't really hang out, he constantly texts me asking if I want to hang out, and at first, I would always agree. But then it spiraled into this crazy thing where we couldn't be apart for 2 hours without him texting and asking if I wanted to hang out again. After a while I told him that I have other friends that I want to hang out with and it would be better if we could just hang out every once in a while, so we started doing that. But then the amount of texts increased again, and even when I texted saying I was doing something, his mom would come over to my house and tell me to go hang out with him. Seriously, I was asleep on the couch one day because I had been throwing up, and I had answered his text a few hours before saying I was really sick, and his mom barged past my dad when he opened the door and shook me awake. That was the point where I told him it had gone too far, but he laughed and said I was overreacting. How on earth do I get it through this guy's head that I don't want to hang out all the time? More importantly, how do you hang out with someone when you don't really enjoy their company?


Waitin' for my ruca.
   
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Re: This guy is taking it too far. - July 9th 2010, 07:30 PM

Sounds like this is the type of person you need to be blunt with, and most blunt talks can't be done through text since they can't hear or see the sincerity that you're speaking with in that case. If you don't enjoy his company, you need to tell him. Say that he's a nice guy, but he's just not someone you want to associate with anymore. As for his mom, maybe you, your parents, and her need to sit down and figure out how to get him to get out and find some other friends, so he's not so dependent on you and his girlfriend (your friend) all the time. Hope I helped!



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Re: This guy is taking it too far. - July 10th 2010, 04:12 AM

His mother being desperate or forceful to get you to hang out with him either means he's giving her a completely different story that she's buying or she wants some time away from his needy behaviour. It seems the more you say "no", the more he lies to his mother about the relationship you two have (more likely reason). What the story is that he's feeding her I don't know, the best way would be to ask her, not him. The mother factor is something you need to deal with because it's the complicating factor.

His texts aren't a problem, just block his number or if you need, change your number, and no more future texts from him so that is the easiest issue to handle. If your parents don't know the entire situation, fill them in on it so they can help you out with blocking him. I would also say to not answer the door to him or his mother, and by filling in your parents to the severity of the issue, they can do the same. If his mother or he breaks down the door, then it's time to file criminal charges.

By preventing his calling or texting, he will have to talk to you face-to-face, in which case you can make your view better known to him. You can also meet with his mother, him and your parents if this spirals further out of hand. Given his obsession with you, if he moves in on that, I'd say to involve the legal system and send him for a psychiatric examination because such an obsession with one person isn't right.
   
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Re: This guy is taking it too far. - July 10th 2010, 04:17 AM

Well, first off, if you don't enjoy his company, why hang out with him or even consider hanging out with him ? If you don't enjoy his company then its best he just be an acquaintance.

As said before by another poster, texts won't do it. Just tell him honestly that it has gone too far and you just don't see you guys hanging out.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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