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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
might Offline
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Name: Megan
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Abusive Friend Blames Me - July 12th 2010, 01:47 PM

My friend Jenna, well she is a sort of friend at the moment. We broke off our friendship a while ago and we have a lot of past with fighting and all that.

I am sick of all I do for her and then she turns around and criticizes me for everything. She turns my greatest achievements into insults. She also says in our fights she always feels like she has to back down so I can win and get my way. Like a little goddamn kid

Jenna has low self esteem, I would say. I would also say she is extraordinarily selfless. She expects everyone to be at the same level as her. On multiple occasions she has said-

"God it's like you think you are better than everyone else."

But I don't. My absolute worst pet peeve is the idea that I am egotistical.
Jenna is starting to get to me, too. With every criticism and bullshit negative comment... I'm starting to hear her voice as my inner voice, almost like she has become my conscience.
I'm paranoid that every word I say would make me sound self-centered. Whenever I use the words "me, myself, I" I feel guilty. Because of Jenna.
I have no idea how to tell her this because I've said it before and
she still believes that she is completely right. She still believes she is being the bigger person by not responding.

I tried not being friends with her multiple times, but she always makes her way back to me. At one point she talked about how much she realized she needed me, just to listen to. She does talk a lot about her problems, mainly caused by her parents.
And after our latest fight she started saying how she realized what a bitch I really am and how selfish I was through out our whole friendship.
She gives this intense and undying loyalty that I hated; I was suffocated. And she wanted the same from me as if it was a gift.
I know this is long. You have no idea how much I am leaving out. Thank you even just for listening.

hey babe
I am your reflection
your pain without the gain
thrown back at you
in the ugliest way
I take the ugly
and I make it beautiful
I am no drug
I am no fake
I am reality
I am a survivor.
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Eljoria Offline
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Re: Abusive Friend Blames Me - July 12th 2010, 02:47 PM

Wow tell her to go away you dont want to have a friend like her. you deserve better.

Im here ifu need. :0


Live the life.
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Vision Offline
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Re: Abusive Friend Blames Me - July 12th 2010, 02:53 PM

Hi there

I understand your situation. It sounds like a form of emotional abuse and no-one should have to put up with it.

Being selfish isn't the wrong thing to do here. When i was in this situation it took me a long time to realise i NEEDED to be selfish and get out of the friendship for my sake. I was being pulled down to her negative emotional state and it wasn't fair on me. You need to see this too and stay strong.

I know how hard it is to stop being friends with someone after sharing a lot, but sometimes it's the best option. Stay strong, don't back down and put yourself first. Jade is right, you deserve better.

There'll always be someone here if you need to talk.

Aisling xx

Just kiss me.

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Re: Abusive Friend Blames Me - July 13th 2010, 03:36 PM

The only thing I can see to do is for both of you to sit down & say what you've been holding back.
Tell her its not about being right or wrong.
Tell her you don't think you can give her all the attion & help she needs.
If you don't want to cut off compltely, just be friends.
DOn't hang as much but don't cut her off completkly.
Best of luck man.
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