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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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thebigmole Offline
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I can't stand my brother - July 15th 2010, 05:41 AM

I know it's not right, and I wish it wasn't this way, but I can not stand it when my brother is around. He's 13 I'm 21 so the age gap I'm sure doesn't help the problem. I've always had issues when it comes to the double standards of raising him, he's basically been allowed to do and get everything I had to wait much longer to do or get. I saw my first PG 13 movie at 12, he was 8. I wasn't allowed to go out with friends, no adults, until 16, he gets to do that now. I didn't get a 9 o clock bed time until I was 10, he's been staying up later than that since he was 9. And I swear if I hear my dad say it's different for boys one more time I'm going to scream. Why is it so much more important for him to have friends, when I was made fun of and alienated for what I wasn't allowed to do?

So that's what started it, but this past year it's gotten worse. He's turned into a rude selfish smart mouth little brat, which you can excuse only so much from hormones. He has no respect for me whatsoever, and sometimes I seriously just want to slap him, I don't of course. The other reason isn't his fault. I'm off at college and he get's to spend all this time alone with my parents, time I haven't gotten in 13 years. And then I come home and my mom barely ever wants to be alone with me. She'll make plans with me to go out and then when it's time she'll be tired or just complain about it the whole time. If I sit next to her on the sofa, I apparently sit too close and need to move over. However my brother can practically sit on top of her, and he's almost my height so don't say it's a size thing. When it's just me and my parents I'm so happy, but then nearly every word that comes out of my brother's mouth annoys the hell out of me. He's negative most of the time, rude the rest. Anytime I ask him to do something it's "What does it matter?" "Why?" "That's so stupid." Anything I ask him to do that's his response, and I want to just scream at him sooooo much!!

Anyway I don't know how I can possibly change this. My only hope is that he will get through puberty fast and maybe become a respectful person again.


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Re: I can't stand my brother - July 15th 2010, 05:47 AM

i don't think i can offer advice, but i can offer empathy.
   
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Re: I can't stand my brother - July 15th 2010, 08:20 AM

I also sympathize. I've had the luck of being an only child... but I can imagine how frustrating it must be to deal with a 13-year-old brother!

Parents tend to be harsher on their oldest child. It doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl. When they first start off as parents, they tend to make rigid rules. As they gain more experience as parents, they may loosen up a bit, and indulge the "baby" of the family. While I can understand how infuriating it must be for you to see how much freedom your brother has, compared to what you had when you were his age, please try to keep in mind that this isn't unusual for many families.

Yes, your brother is dealing with hormones at the moment... but I think, secretly, he may be jealous of you. You wish that you could spend more time with your parents... but truth be told, I think he wishes that he could be an "adult" like you. He may be able to stay up later, and hang out with friends without an adult present... but at the end of the day, YOU have more freedom than he does. YOU could stay up all night if you wanted to, and party with your friends until the sun rises! Ironically enough, HE may think that YOU are trying to take away the few things he has... which, in this case, would be your parents. In his mind, since you're an adult, YOU already have everything, and he has next to nothing at 13-years-old.

I'm not saying that you need to sympathize with your brother. If he were my brother, I probably would have bitten his head off by now. =P But I am trying to demonstrate that the deck isn't always stacked against you. You both have something that the other person wants.





   
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