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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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friend not respecting me - July 21st 2010, 05:53 PM

i have a slight problem with my friend, she does not seem to listen to me or respect me in any way, yet when im ill or am upset she is the most caring person in the world. but i dont often let her know im upset, problem is this, she just wont take no for an answer i tell her no but she nags and nags and nags and nags and moanns and whines till i eventually get so fed up of it i give in, other times when she knows im tired, she will purposely ask me things and take advantage, she also knows that because i dont have confidence and dont have much self esteem that i am a complelte pushover and she always invites herself round mine, like she dont even ask its more ' im comming round yours and theres nothing you can do about it'. shes just started the same college as me and today when i was with my friends from my class she was with people from her class and she told me in front of 8 other people ' im gona chill at yours tonight' i told her you cant tonight my mums out im looking after my sister, my mum dont need extras and my friends like you dont need to feed me i will help look after your sister, i dont so much need to 'look after' her as such more just be in the house as she dont like being home alone, and because i told my friend no people from her class start telling me let her come round, im like i cant i have to babysit / look after my little sister and then my friend tells me she really wants to see me, what do i do, my friend wont take no for an answer and always does this around other people so that they vote me out as such and i end up saying yes before i have even checked with my mum and then when i get home and check with my mum knowing full well its gona be a no i still ask and then end up ringing up my friend and cancelling on her when i knew in the first place i couldnt see her but she pushes and pushes and nag and nags and nags and then when i say no makes me look all mean and unkind and then says you never see me. and then when i try to arrange a day with her shes all like well im busy then. what do i do ? and how do i stop her making me look like im mean ? im not mean its not like i dont want to see her i do, its just hard when my dad works and sometimes goes for a drink after work with his friends and my mum swans off to london to go on some course so im left at home to ''look after'' my sister. what do i do ??



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Re: friend not respecting me - July 21st 2010, 06:20 PM

You can say "yes", you can say "no", and you can say "maybe". I personally like to say "I'll get back to you" or "I'll let you know soon". That way, you don't have to say "yes" OR "no" right away, and it pretty much puts a stop to the nagging after a while. If your friend keeps nagging in front of your friends, keep saying "I'll get back to you", "I'll let you know soon", or some variation of that.

Chances are, your friend will eventually realize she's not going to get a solid answer from you, no matter how persistent she is, and that she might as well wait. It's kind of like training a dog. =P Once they realize they're not going to get a treat for begging, they stop. You have to re-train your friend to stop nagging you for an answer. I hope that you, in turn, will gain more confidence in yourself as a result, and will have an easier time saying "no" in the future. Until then, though, just stick with the "maybe" responses.






   
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Re: friend not respecting me - July 21st 2010, 07:52 PM

true i will have to give that a go. i dont want to loose her as a friend but we keep arguing, shes kinda like a sister to me since ive known her since she was 4 and since i was about 6. so i dont want to loose her as a friend.



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