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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 07:31 AM

So, no matter how weird this sounds, all through the school year me and this teacher have been pretty good friends (Inside jokes, always there to listen etc.). He is an amazing teacher let along all around person. I'm going to be going into high school So he is no longer my teacher. And I ran into him and his wife (whom I also know) at the grocery store today. We talked for a while and then agreed to go for coffee tomorrow morning. We didn't just exclude his wife though because I've met her before and also quite enjoy her company. I asked if she was coming but she has to work. Do you think it's weird to have coffee with a teacher that's eight year older than me? Should I bring a friend? Is it going over the student teacher boundaries?...after all he isn't REALLY my teacher anymore.


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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 08:24 AM

i think that it is slightly bad to go have coffee with your... ex teacher.
whether he is your teacher or not; someone that may know you and the teacher can see you guys and tell the school board that he is hanging out with students etc..
plus even though you guys invited his wife..
i think it would be weird for her NOT to be there..
i know that if i was in your postion.. i would be freaked out
because his wife isn't there..

i'm not full sure about my whole opinion on the whole student ex teacher thing..
but a teacher is a teacher; and you were still one of his students.
   
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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 08:39 AM

Its not great that his wife isn't going to be there but I guess if she's working then she's working. And he's not your wife any more, and he's only 8 years older then you. I have friends who are 30 years older than me x_x



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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 09:55 AM

I personally do think its a bad idea.... 8 years difference is still a big gap. You don't know what he wants from this either. He is a teacher even if he is no longer your teacher. if someone was to see you to and read to much into it they could tell the school- i mean whats stopping him from then dating students.

i do think its a little inapprorate for you to be having coffee with your ex teacher i dont know of any one who has ever gone out to coffee with their teacher. its fine to feel like you can talk to your teacher about stuff and to get along with them but i think seeing them outside of school is taking things to far

however this is something you need to decide on your own.
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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 10:09 AM

Huh.

I s'pose I have a different opinion. I attended a charter school and had a supervising teacher from the age of 12-17. He was either reaching his 60s or already there so the age gap was far more than 8 years. And we met off-campus on the rare occasion, plus had lunch together whilst on campus and often hung out in his office when we had overlapping downtime. The difference is that through me, he became good friends with my mother, and he became a father figure to me above all else. Started out as a teacher, then as a confidant, then a friend, then a father figure, so though our relationship might not have been A-grade appropriate, I was still very certain that his intentions were not, in any way, ill of form. I believe that it's really up to you whether or not your teacher's intentions are healthy and positive, though if you're second-guessing so much, then I would trust that intuition and bring a friend to be safe. Just my two cents.
   
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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 01:05 PM

Just because he's a man doesn't mean all he wants is sex. I know its common, but its not a given. If he's been your friend, then its not amazingly strange or anything.



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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 04:37 PM

yeah i don't think it's a good idea, it only takes one time for someone who knows you both to report him and he could lose his job... it would be different if his wife was there and one of your parents then it would be a more casual meet and greet kind of thing and it would be more proper


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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 06:42 PM

First of all, follow your gut instinct. Some male teachers are just friendly guys who can relate to their students. Heck... I'm 21 (granted, I'm also female xD), and look at me! I'm talking to young teenagers every day! So it's not all that unusual that your teacher would take a (non-sexual) interest in you, and want to keep tabs on you as you move on to high school. However, there ARE male teachers who WILL try to take advantage of your naivete... so always keep that in the back of your mind.

Secondly, if you're going to meet him in a public place, I REALLY REALLY think you should have another adult present, whether it be his wife, your mom, an older sibling, a neighbor, etc... not because he might "try something" on you, but because, like other members said, someone might see you and report it to the school's administration. It really does only take one instance like that to end a man's career. Now, if you were to establish a pattern of seeing him with another adult present, and THEN slowly wean off of that, you could have witnesses to show that he's not having an inappropriate relationship with you. He'd be a mentor, a family friend, a father figure... whatever you want to call it. But at first, it's not immediately clear to the public that he's any of those things... he may just look like your run-of-the-mill sexual predator, and THAT'S not good.





   
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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 06:49 PM

If she's left the school then it isn't illegal?
o_O



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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 06:52 PM

I've meet with teachers before but it is diffrent because I'm in college and we have meet outside school with other students from the class just to go out and have some drinks. But like other people have said if you are going with him make sure to take a friend or someone with you.


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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 06:52 PM

I had tea and biscuits with my teacher and my friend... But I have issues in that field
   
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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 07:51 PM

Personally I don't really see the big deal. To me, the fact that he said something about it in front of his wife and the fact that she felt comfortable allowing the two of you to meet each other by yourself proves that he's more than likely a good guy. You'd be in a public place so there wouldn't be much he could do without drawing attention. Personally I think it would be stupid for another adult to report it, and the chances that you'll run into someone that knows he's a teacher and was your teacher (how would they know you're not related or something?) are slim. So I say just go for it.





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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 09:38 PM

I've met teachers outside of school and even one time they took me to places (such as home, out to eat, etc) and weren't perverts or anything of the sort. We usually just talked about what I was doing now, hows life, etc. I've went with an adult the first few times so no one would get ideas about it.
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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 22nd 2010, 10:19 PM

I had teachers baby sit me when I was younger. But considering your age I think that if someone did recognise the two of you, it would become an issue. Having coffee along with a male teacher at what 14? I'm guessing 14 because you said you're going into high school. Anyway I personally find it weird, it wouldn't be if one of your parents was there though.


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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 23rd 2010, 01:33 AM

Well if anyone wants a whole 'update' thing, I went to coffee with him today and it was great to see him again! I didn't bring a friend because I thought it would be weird to show up with a random friend that he didn't know was coming but, I brought my phone with me so I could randomly say "Hey, is it ok if I ask 'so and so' to come have coffee with us?". Anyway I showed up and found him straight away and found out from him that he'd invited one of his old buddies that use to play collage basketball with him (Basketball is kind of 'our thing'). He said next time he'll bring his wife because he knows how much I enjoy her company.His friend was late, so it gave us some time just to ourselves to catch up and share the drama's going on in our life but over-all It was REALLY good to see him again and everything went well
Thanks for all your opinions and help though! I really appreciate it


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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 23rd 2010, 02:31 AM

Glad you enjoyed yourself and all went well



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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 25th 2010, 07:59 AM

I am assuming you mean in public?
I think I would be slightly more worried about who might see me. People these days get the totally wrong idea about a lot of things, and if a girl in my year was seen with a young male teacher at my school, I know the rumours would start. To be honest I would actually be quite freaked out. Not so much worried about my safety. So I wouldn't go if I were you, but im not you so I cant decide. But im sure you will know what is the right thing to do for you.
   
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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 25th 2010, 09:17 AM

I'm glad everything went well for you My english teacher in highschool is one of my boyfriend's best friend and we hanged out a lot out of school but that's a totally different issue.



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Re: Is it a bad Idea to go for Coffee with My Teacher? - July 26th 2010, 07:23 PM

Since the issue has been resolved, I'm going to go ahead and close this thread. =) Feel free to create another thread, or PM me if you would like this thread to be re-opened!





   
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