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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Big mistake? - July 25th 2010, 04:58 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So the other night I was feeling really horrible and everything and I did something really stupid.
I was texting one of my very close friends and he asked me what was wrong. I kind of told him I felt like I needed to kill myself.
I could tell he really didn't know how to respond, but he did and we talked about it for a little while. It was really late at night, so that might have been why his responses were so short, but I don't know.
we usually talk or text every day, but I haven't heard from him since then. I feel like he should have checked up on me or something, because I think that's what I would have done. But he hasn't.
I think maybe I just scared him, and he doesn't know what to say to me, and maybe I made things a little awkward. I just really needed to tell someone how I was feeling.
I feel like maybe I should apologize or something, but I really don't know what to say...
I don't want to loose him, I really don't.
   
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Re: Big mistake? - July 25th 2010, 12:46 PM

He would not care for you now because he stayed up late during the night to console you. That comes from caring about you.

If I console someone late at night despite me getting tired, since I'm not getting paid it's due to me caring enough. If someone who I hated wanted me to console them, I'm not going to do it for hours into the night, unlikely I'd do it for even one hour.

Perhaps he told other people as he didn't know what to do for you, so he may be thinking about it with himself or others. It's also awkward for him and he wants to help you but as you said, is unsure how to say it. You could message him back apologizing because that gives him an easier way to respond if you give him that lead.
   
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Re: Big mistake? - July 25th 2010, 09:25 PM

To be honest... I think he doesn't know how to respond. He's avoiding you. On the night when you texted him, if he didn't respond it would be because it would have been to obvious. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you anymore. Most people would feel uncomfortable.

Be more proactive, take control. Call him and ask him how he's doing. Maybe meet up with him and some other friends, but best is if you have a one on one talk with him to re-establish the friendship. Otherwise it might just die, and it shouldn't.


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Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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Re: Big mistake? - July 25th 2010, 09:33 PM

If it takes that much to scare him off, he isn't a very good friend.
He should have checked up on you, but perhaps don't talk to him about those types of problems or feelings anymore. There are people called true friends who would check up on you, talk to you, listen to you, and would understand and not get scared off.
I know I don't know you very well but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I understand how it feels to be depressed, I've gone through it and I've also gotten through it.
   
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Re: Big mistake? - July 25th 2010, 10:31 PM

He definite cares about you but probably doesn't know what to say. If it were me I'd text him thank him for his help that night see if you can ease his mind.


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Re: Big mistake? - July 26th 2010, 07:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragon.Kingdom View Post
If it takes that much to scare him off, he isn't a very good friend.
I disagree with this first point. A LOT of people wouldn't know how to respond if one of their friends said "I feel like I need to kill myself".

To the OP: try looking at this from a different POV. If your friend seemed perfectly normal for months, even years, and then suddenly said what you said, wouldn't you be in shock? Yes, you would be thinking "Oh my God! I need to say or do something to help them!", but would you know what to say right away? Some people might. I'm a psychology major, so I have access to resources. I'm also a staff member on TeenHelp, so I've dealt with these issues before. But not everyone is a psychology major, not everyone regularly offers advice to people, not everyone knows about suicide and the signs to watch out for, not everyone knows about the resources.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragon.Kingdom View Post
He should have checked up on you, but perhaps don't talk to him about those types of problems or feelings anymore. There are people called true friends who would check up on you, talk to you, listen to you, and would understand and not get scared off.

I do agree with this second point. Like I just said, some people don't have experience with suicide prevention, counseling, etc. Other people do. Some people are naturally more empathic than others, and are more willing to take time out of their days to comfort a friend in need.

To the OP: I would definitely call your friend, and be pro-active, like another member suggested. Don't let the uncomfortable silence continue - it's obvious that HE'S not going to break it, because HE'S the one out of his element. Get together with him, do something casual, and avoid the subject (unless he brings it up). In the meantime, I would start confiding in someone else. Can you think of any friends who ARE naturally more empathic, who DO go out of their way to help friends who are struggling? There's usually a "counselor" in every group of friends, someone who is more compassionate that everyone else.

If you don't have someone like that, or if YOU are that "counselor", then I would encourage you to keep looking for someone outside of your group of friends. There are so many people in your life who are willing to help, and you just may not realize it yet. Some people are terrified of telling their parents... but if your parents know, they may be able to set up appointments with a trained psychological professional. If you don't want to seek help just yet, you can talk to a school counselor, teacher, coach, neighbor, etc.

I wish you all the best, and feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk. I definitely won't shy away, no matter what you say! =)





   
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