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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
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I hate my mom, but I miss my dad. - July 30th 2010, 04:03 PM

What's wrong with me? I had the chance to get away from my mom and be with my dad, but I didn't take it. Custody battles are so difficult to get through. My mom always told me how much she needed me and assured my dad she would have everything taken care of by the time I got to college. She lied. I am now not able to go to college and am beyond crushed, and why can't I go to college? Money. Sure, I got the pale grant, but it doesn't cover everything. I want to get out of this house to, but forget that, I have no money. Shit, we're living with my grandfather cuz we can't afford our own place, but he's trying to help her buy a fucking house!

So, niether my mom nor I have a job, but she quit her job so she could go to college and now, I can't go. I asked her about this loan I could get, the only loan out there that I am aware of that will accept us seeing how niether of us have a job. The only catch... I need a short bit of money per month. I mean just a little too. But that adds up and I don't have enough till I find a job in this economy. I know my mom has it saved up. She has a lot saved up. I talked to her about it and she started screaming at me. She told me that I want everything. She said it's not fair that I already have more than she ever had, and that she shouldn't have to look for a job so I could go to college instead of waiting till next year. She told me how selfish I was for it. Me selfish? She had THREE chances to go to college where it would be paid for. I'm left taking care of myself. I already pay for the gas in my care, my medication, most everything except food and she throws that at me all the time. How she has to buy me food. Well, sorry I'm alive, maybe if I wasn't she wouldn't have to freak about it so much...

My dad had a storybook childhood and wishes I could have the same. He said it's too late for that now. My mother was both physically and emotionally abusive. He blames her for everything, but I chose to live with her cuz she's still my mom and told me that she needed me. I shouldn't have stayed with her. Sure, my dad is broke too, but he at least is kind to me, won't blame me for stuff, and does his best to help me in every way he can. He's been giving me ideas as to what to do about my college situation and even though they've all fallen through, I love him to death for it. I hate that he lives so far away though. I miss him so much. It's not fair that I can never see him. I mean fuck, I'm 18 and I'm still living in hell. He's trying everything to get me a student loan or other grants so I don't have to live with my mom. He's says it's not safe for me. I'm finally realizing that he's right. For the first time, I realized how everything my mom does revolves around what works best for her not me. The moving, the money, every decision is for her own self. I'm always shoved aside. I never had a pet cuz she doesn't want to deal with it. I have to be home before dark and I'm 18. She has spyware on my computer, although I have learned to block it, and controls every aspect of my life. I've had it.

I feel like my decisions have screwed up everything and got me here. I want to get away from my mom, go to college, and see my dad, but it seems I can't have any of that. Going to college out where he is would mean out of state tution that I could never afford. I just wish I could at least see my dad if nothing else. Just that would make me feel better. It's been so long and I really really miss him. He's been under so much stress fighting this economy like the rest of us. I want to give him a big hug in person, but I can't get there to.

Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
DemonQueen Offline
amber_teh_shark since 2004
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Re: I hate my mom, but I miss my dad. - July 31st 2010, 03:39 PM

You're 18, you're a legal adult and you can move out of your house if you want to. Tell your mom that it's been nice living with her and ask your dad if you can move in. I know he's in a different state but I think it would be worth it; especially if your mother is emotionally abusive to you. Also, you could take a year off of school and work full-time. After that year, I believe you're then considered as a resident in the state and you won't have to pay all of that money for the out-of-state tuition. Then when school resumes you could always work it out with the management and go to having a part-time job. That way you're still in school and you still have an income coming in.

I've been through hell and back and came out stronger than ever.
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PSY Offline
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Re: I hate my mom, but I miss my dad. - August 2nd 2010, 09:44 AM

I completely agree with what Amber said. Buy a bus/train/plane ticket and go live with your dad! Take a year off (plenty of people do, it does NOT hurt you in the long run) and work full-time. Look into community and state colleges near your dad's home, and visit their financial aid offices in order to find out what grants/loans they offer their undergraduate students. Apply for those colleges in the fall, and apply for FAFSA/grants/loans in the winter. One year from now, your situation should be MUCH more favorable, both emotionally and financially.

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