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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Past Issues with Grandma - February 16th 2009, 03:12 AM

Well, me and my Grandma P. haven't really been on the best of terms for the past 3 years.

My parents announced to me in January 2006 that they were getting a divorce. Keep in mind that my Grandma P. lived 2 hours away from us at the time. Well soon after they told me, she kept driving down to our house almost twice a week to see my mom and help her out. She did more than help her out, she got totally involved with the divorce.

She came over so often, and my Dad kept talking smack about her when I was with him. I started to get a dark outlook on her and I got tired of her constantly being around.

We moved to the town she lives in (we're there now) right after the school year ended. For a while we lived with her (about a month) Of course living with her only made things worse. Luckily Mom and I got our own house (trailer house... )

Of course that didn't help. Because Grandma kept coming over EVERYDAY. My Mom didn't trust me staying home along so Grandma P. came over and 'babysat' me. I was 13, I didn't need a freakin' babysitter.

Of course because she came over a lot I got easily annoyed with her. Sometimes we got into heated arguments. She called me outside once on the porch and accused me of detesting the family. She even asked me once during one of these arguments about what I thought about her. Well, I was mad and young, so I let her have it, "You're childish, rude, inconsiderate" and she sat and took it. The arguments went on for a little while. That was until my the court put a mild restraining order on her. She was only allowed to see my twice a week. Of course, they didn't really abide by these rules.

We got along for a while after that. I got used to her visits and didn't mind her so much.

Then one day I was over at her house because Mom had to work late. She wouldn't let Mom come pick me up because Mom had to get up early the next morning and work another shift. So Grandma got pretty pissy with me. I kept complaining and saying that I didn't want to stay. Then I tried to call my Dad and tell him about it. Well, she made me fork my cell phone over. I couldn't call my Dad, my best friend, or my boyfriend to vent. It was a horrendous night.

After that we were a little shaky, but we got better. Then when we moved into the house we live in now, I threw another fit at her and my mom and grandpa. They had suddenly decided to move me and my Mom into an actual house (2 blocks from my grandparents!) I got mad, because I was told to try and give the trailer house and the new town a chance, and that we probably wouldn't get to move for another 2 years. Suddenly we going to move! It was frustrating for me. I know I was acting immature, but I had a lot going on at the time.

Grandma and I had at it again. What I hate is how she tried to hug me when we finished a fight. That only made me want to bite her. >_>

We also had at it again one time because I wanted to throw away a box she gave me...I didn't really know it had senimental value in it. It was just a box with a teddy bear on it. Well, she threw an immature fit over it. She threw my pillows down on the ground when we were cleaning out my old room, just acting like a child.

One time she found out that I had given my Dad the okay to fill out a form to give to the judge, stating that I wanted to live with my Dad. She stormed over from her house, slammed my door open, and dear God, I thought I was gonna die right there. Anyway, she griped at me and barked at me. But we got over it (more like she)

Anyways, it's been a few years since our last vicious fight. I think there are a lot of reasons for why our fighting has stopped. For one, I've grown up. I was 13 when the majority of the fights happened. I'm almost 16 now.

When I was 14 and a half, grandma came down with odd stomach and bowel issues. She would suddenly have to run to the bathroom every ten minutes. Thus, she became to ill to come over and babysit me. For a while, I went over there when mom had to work. Then I started going over to my aunt's instead. Soon, I got to where I didn't need to be looked after anymore.

Since I rarely got to see her much, I wasn't as frustrated to be around her and we got along. We talked, didn't fight. I think in a way, since she's gotten sick, she's become more humbled, and so have I with age.

However, because of all the things that have happened between us in the past, I don't really like going to see her much. Plus it's really boring over at her house. We get along, but the scars are still there.

It's not just all that either. I'm growing up and I don't really like spending as much time with family. I don't even go and see my aunt as much anymore nor my other grandparents and I'm starting to get to where I don't care to hang out with my Dad anymore. But I just don't want my grandma P. to think that I'm not talking to her because of all the things in the past. I haven't even thanked her for the money and Valentine's Card she sent me.

Can someone help me out? Idk what to do about our relationship. I want to make it more comfortable...I just don't want to spend so much time with her- because I am growing up and I am branching out. But I just don't want her to feel bad.


   
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Re: Past Issues with Grandma - February 16th 2009, 03:34 AM

I feel the same way with my dad. We used to fight so much that I'm just not close to him now. I think the trick is to keep up small talk to be polite.. but evade serious discussions. I talk about things that happened in school and at work.. funny things my friends said, but not about my boyfriend or my long term goals or troubles... and not about religion and politics. Keep it light and kind. It's not nice to totally ignore family, especially the old folks.

Talk to her about benign things, but if she's like, getting ready to throw a fit, make small concessions and scuttle out of the way! Don't get in any fights if you can avoid it.


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