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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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tayyhope Offline
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Parental clashing - August 1st 2010, 05:07 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Some background;
My mom's been an alcoholic since she was seventeen. She's been to rehab twice but always relapsed. She's also bipolar, and extremely mentally unstable. She's a compulsive liar and blames me and my two younger siblings for all of her issues. A few months ago she filed for divorce against my father, which rendered her pretty much broke. I haven't talked to her in just over a month, but she gets my two siblings under half the week, every week.
I miss her.
I hate her, I hate what she does to me, I hate how she treats me, I hate how she treats my father, I hate how she treats my siblings, I hate her drinking, I hate her.
But I miss her.
I miss 'nice mommy', as me and my dad have taken to calling the side of her that loves us. I miss going shopping with her and talking to her and hanging out with her when she's in a good mood, which these days is hardly ever.
But some of the things she's said to me in the past just run through my head whenever I think of her, not to mention see her. When she found out I'd been self harming, her first words were "is it because you're not pretty enough?"
When she found the suicide notes two years ago, her thoughts on them were "it's a phase, you'll get over yourself soon enough."
She doesn't get it. She never understood why her alcoholism hurt me, and she never understood everything she did to us when she was blacked out drunk.
I want to forgive her, I want to change her, or I want to let go of her. I don't know which would bring about the end result I'm looking for.. and I don't even know what that is.
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Re: Parental clashing - August 1st 2010, 06:25 PM

i understand you've went through a lot because of her, and the thing is for stuff to get better.. she must change but firstly, maybe you gotta forgive her and then change her. Letting go of her is basically something which is going to be quite impossible to do.. But changing her might eventually lead to her rediscovering the old nice mom that you love and really hope that she returned to. I think that you probably know that it is the best solution, and i think that it is very possible.

Maybe you could ask her out and maybe just shop together, relive the good old days. And maybe like talk to her more about stuff in a slow but gradual manner (like maybe let gossip and stuff that you want to talk about to her come slowly but surely into the conversation ) and then maybe stuff might start to get better.

I know that you'll be able to do something to overcome the bad situation that everything seems to lead to. remember we're always up for support.


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