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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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RockrGrrl Offline
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How do I hate my best friend? - August 3rd 2010, 05:45 PM

One of my best friends (lets call him Alex...) used to be a crack addict. My boyfriend saved his life years ago, and Alex went to rehab.

He's been clean for nearly 3 years. He got his second chance at life.

Then last weekend he had to mess it all up. But not with drugs. THAT I would have been happy about compared to this.

He's in jail right now. He had sex with a minor (on 3 or 4 counts). He's 27 and he had sex with a 14 year old. He's going to be sentenced to life in prison.

And I just can't make myself hate him.

I want to so bad, but I just can't. I love him so much, but I'm never going to get to say goodbye. I'm never going to visit him in jail. I'm never going to write him a letter.

And he's a skinny little wimpy kid. He'll either kill himself, be killed, or... well, you know what they do to guys like him in prison...

I can't make him the monsters I see on TV. He's not a creep. He's not ugly or fat or even weird. He's the nicest person I know who made a bad decision. And I just CAN'T for the LIFE OF ME make what he did wrong in my head!

He looks young and she looks old. They look like they could be the same age, but he KNEW SHE WAS 14. I know in my head that it's bad, but my heart just won't feel the same. I feel so disgusting...

It's so hard to sit here and try not to defend him. I love him so much. But I can't continue loving him. I have to hate him, it's the only way I'll be able to let go.

Help... please...
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: How do I hate my best friend? - August 4th 2010, 03:24 AM

A true friend is a friend who has love for his/her other friends. True friends protect each other from trouble, they watch over each other, they help each other out, they forgive each other and most importantly they love each other. And by that I mean brotherly love. Forgive him, he made a mistake which was a very wrong one, and unfortunately he will be going to a bad place. But you, your his friend, so forgive him, tell him how much he made you hurt, and it will take time for that forgiveness to grow fully but forgive him. Don't hate him, forgive.

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
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Re: How do I hate my best friend? - August 5th 2010, 01:41 AM

It's easy to hate the bad things people do... but it's not easy to hate the people who do bad things. We don't want to believe that anyone is inherently "bad". I would give this time. He was just recently arrested, and he hasn't even been sentenced yet. You're probably still in shock... I know I would be, if my best friend was in jail for doing something so atrocious. Slowly, things will calm down a bit, and you'll be able to approach this situation more rationally. You'll be able to think things through, and decide whether or not you're capable of forgiving him for what he's done.

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