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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
LyssaAlways Offline
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Exclamation Mom is Sabotaging my Relationships.. She is abusive but seems to think she is "protecting me" - August 4th 2010, 07:08 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have a very complicated family life. In short, my Dad is disabled and mentally unstable. He is abusive and tried to suffocate me twice when I was younger. I Hate him. My Mother is overprotective to the point of abuse. She is verbally abusive and has never accepted or been proud of me. She loves to tell me in detail what a freak I am and how she hates essentially everything about me. I understand why due to her.. difficult past, but the way she treats me lead to me becoming bipolar and suicidal by age 10. I began cutting to remain SANE because of her, and she knows and doesnt care. Even though my parents have literally nearly destroyed me, my Mother still is so overprotective to the point of insanity. I only just made friends after being allowed back to school last year (she FORCED me to be isolated for years) and I got my first boyfriend almost 7 months ago <3 We were friends before, and I realized I love him. We both have flaws, but we work through it. We talk about EVERYTHING together.. we're best friends as well as Lovers. I would literally take a bullet for him.. and I know I may get my heart broken, but thats a chance Im taking. Here's the Problem: my Mother is going to tear us apart, and kill my last hope of being happy before I am drowned into another abyss of depression. She harasses and blackmails both of us, as well as constantly trying to make his mother hate me. She NEVER lets me be alone with him, even to go to the movies or the Library. I have barely seen him in two months because she won't let me go anywhere with him, and I am forbidden to go to his house very often because he has to come to my house most of the time.. except our house is a mess, and my Mom wont LET him come over. She tells me I am a stupid Bitch and she OWNS my body until Im 18. She constantly tells me I am going to get knocked up, and that he is using me (& she LIKES him) and he is going to leave me. She says my friends will too, because no one but her could ever love me. We have had sex (once.. I was sneaky. I know Im young, but I am also mature beyong my age, and I honestly believe I can handle it) she doesnt know, but she has seen a couple suggestive txts when she stole my cell (she was like this before though) and wont even let me stay home alone for more then 10 minutes. PERIOD. I cant have a laptop because we are going to "mutually masturbate/sext" *shudder, I know* We both play Tennis, and she was going to make me QUIT MY TEAM because we would be togethor without her superior supervision (she believes no one can do anything right but her. All other adults are morons) My boyfriend is a very sweet boyscout.. dont laugh. The last time I saw him, 2 wks ago, I went to a pow wow at his camp with him and his brother. My Mom told me I can go, but she was sick. I had stayed up all night the previous day and taken care of her... my thanks? she called him, and said she was GOING TO CALL THE POLICE on us because she claims she never said I could go. Then screamed at me and harassed my all night. He freaked out... He is about to have a heart attack from all the drama and harassment she puts onto him, and I am afraid he is going to crack and leave me. He probably wouldnt.. we have been through so much, but its killing me. Please dont say I have to gain her trust... my Mom never trusted me. She doesnt trust anyone. I am a VERY good kid. She used to scream at me as a small child that I was a lying witch and she would never trust me. She holds grudges forever and hates everyone.. Im shocked I am not more abnormal then I am. She refuses to get therapy, and has a psychological issue that I would have to call a God Complex. I was going to move out after she gave me yet another panic attack/ self harm meltdown, but that fell through. We have talked about our problems, but she never changes. she literally wants to control my entire life, basically living her life through mine. I am a sarcastic smartass, and I decided a week ago to hold back my own emotions and try to be a model child after she grounded me until I finish my class (Im taking an advanced summer class online) and stole my cell. Basically Im going to try and put my own happiness aside in a vain hope to somehow make Stuart (bf) My Parents, and teachers happy. Even if I have to lie to my Mom to somehow fit into the fake reality she lives in. So this is more about somehow pleasing her, and saving my love life by making it easier on him. Which would still help me, but my own life is less important. I havent heard from my boyfriend in days, since I saw him at a Fundraiser before he left with his family for the wknd 4 days ago. The more time we spend togethor, the better we are. Time apart is whats going to destroy us.. and I have no way of contacting him. thats stressing me out, but I cant see him. His parents are getting divorced, and I cant even help him through it because of my Mother.n He isnt good with sad things, and he seriously is going to need me the next couple monthes. rivers ed because she doesnt want me to have that freedom from her. I just feel so helpless, and I keep having horrible urges to kill myself. I know I need help.. but I have yet to find any. I literally have no one.. out of my friends, Im the listener. See the problem? I would love a therapist, but I doubt I can get one.
   
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re: Mom is Sabotaging my Relationships.. She is abusive but seems to think she is "protecting me" - August 4th 2010, 05:14 PM

I'm really sorry you have to deal with all of that... Are you going to be allowed to go back to school this year? Maybe you can see your boyfriend then. Have you talked to your mom about getting you a therapist? If you need to talk, you can pm me any time- I can't promise to be a good therapist, but I can at least listen and try to help. Sorry... I hope it gets better for you.


Who are you to tell me that I'm less than what I should be?

I'm stronger than that.
   
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Re: Mom is Sabotaging my Relationships.. She is abusive but seems to think she is "protecting me" - August 5th 2010, 06:54 AM

Alyssa... reading your story was absolutely heartbreaking for me. I cannot even BEGIN to imagine how it would feel to be in your position. I am not, however, surprised that you have managed to pull through, despite everything your mother has said and done. You are a STRONG person... don't EVER forget that. <3 You can, and will, get through whatever comes your way, whether it be your mother or someone else in the future. Please believe in your ability to do that. I do, and I know many people on TeenHelp believe in you as well.

I do have good news for you, and please don't immediately dismiss the idea. You may think "It won't work" or "They won't believe me"... but Alyssa, if ANY police officer were to see the state of your home, the state your mother is in, the state YOU are in, they would bend over backwards to help you. So would anyone from Child Protective Services (CPS). Please, at least make a few phone calls to your local police department and share your story. Better yet, collect whatever evidence you have of your mother's physical/verbal/mental abuse and go to the police station in person. Ask someone to pick you up in the middle of the night, sneak out and take public transportation, go to a neighbor's house and borrow their phone to make a call... whatever it takes, because you CANNOT stay in this house any longer. As strong as you are, this is not something you should have to deal with for three more years, let alone three more MINUTES.

I wish you all the best, and please don't hesitate to PM or e-mail me if you ever need help with finding resources or support. If you can, please keep us updated on your situation as well. I'm worried for you, as are many other members of TeenHelp, and we want to know that you're okay. <3





   
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Re: Mom is Sabotaging my Relationships.. She is abusive but seems to think she is "protecting me" - August 5th 2010, 08:31 AM

You're showing strength by doing the best you can to not harm yourself nor harm her. To be honest, she doesn't need outpatient psychotherapy. She needs pharmacological treatments and probably put into a psych ward for a bit because as much as you love/hate her, there's no excuse why someone should suffer at the hands of such an unstable parent. I'm not sure about your father because you didn't explain a lot but it shows he's not the big issue, the mother is.

Without being rude, do either of your parents work? I ask this because if your mother does, then surely others would agree she's too unstable and requires medication with hospitalization for a bit.

Do you have any other friends or family or even neighbours who know of how your parents are and may be willing to let you stay with them? Your mother is not only unstable, she's also done some criminal acts, such as preventing you from attending school or home-school. By law, in North America, you must attend school and your parents/guardians are responsible for ensuring this until you're 16 years old. If you could stay with someone else, have you tried because there's no reason you or anyone should live in those conditions you described?

It is possible to get your mother (and father if needed) into a hopsital against their will without them driving to a hospital. In Canada and USA, you can be involuntarily admitted to a hospital and if you fight while in the psych ward, there is plenty of security to detain. Depending on the location and size of the hospital, there are security guards as well as prison guards who transfer prison patients but are more than happy to help and capable to take down a violent patient.
   
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Re: Mom is Sabotaging my Relationships.. She is abusive but seems to think she is "protecting me" - August 5th 2010, 04:01 PM

that's really Sweet to hear people actually read my rant. I have considered Police, but I live in a small town and my Dad was a cop himself. He has his own "business" that he still works in a way after his accident, but he knows most of the force.. My Mom works online, she rarely leaves the house anymore. I have a friend who knows, but I doubt I could stay with for long. I have the option of moving in with my Grandma, but this would involve no phone, no Internet for my online class, and she is VERY strict and religious. I would also have to pay for a lot of things, but I cant get a job. I was going to move in, but it would be so much harder to keep my life that way.
Does it still count as illegal if she lets me attend school now? this was for 1st-3rd grade, and then she talked me to dropping out again after 4th grade until I tricked her (dont ask) into letting me back for 8th.
My Dad I openly want in a hospital, but I dont know if I could do that to her. She would NEVER forgive me, and I cant completely detach from her until College. She isn't always horrible.. almost like a schizophrenic, but she isn't really one
   
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Re: Mom is Sabotaging my Relationships.. She is abusive but seems to think she is "protecting me" - August 5th 2010, 11:03 PM

Well, I won't lie... there may be some bias on the police department's part, since your father used to be an officer himself; however, they cannot completely ignore a complaint, especially when you bring physical evidence, transcripts, etc. of the things your mother has said and done.

It may help to go to the police station in person, ask to speak to an officer, then begin by saying "I want to get help, but my father used to work here, so I'm afraid you won't believe my story". Don't give them any other details, such as your last name or your father's name, and see what they say in response to that.

You could also try going to CPS first (it might be called the Department of Family and Child Services, Department of Family and Protective Services, or something similar, depending on where you live), THEN work with an agent and contact the police together. That way, you'll already have one government agency backing you up as you face the government agency your father used to work for.





   
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Re: Mom is Sabotaging my Relationships.. She is abusive but seems to think she is "protecting me" - August 6th 2010, 12:23 AM

I wish I could help but I honestly don't know what to tell you right now if I was in your position I would sneak out and run to a foster home or something, maybe a foster family who will treat you with love and respect every child and teenager needs is the very least that you deserve, it may be risky as your mother may catch you and try to bring you home, I suggest you record your mom emotionally/verbally abusing you and bring it with you so that if she tries to bring you home against your will you will have solid proof I would say get a consellor but under these circumstances I say get out now, your father nearly killed you as a child it sounds, it is not safe for you anymore. and like PSY says contact child and family services. I hope this helps feel free to contact me in a PM


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It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.
   
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Re: Mom is Sabotaging my Relationships.. She is abusive but seems to think she is "protecting me" - August 6th 2010, 01:16 AM

I agree with CPS or other social services networks. Your mother may not forgive you for doing that to her but it's what is best for her, your father and you. Years ago when we had to put my grandmother from my father's side (now dead) into a retirement home with a good amount of medical care, she wasn't fond of it at all because she would be so far away from us. However, we all knew there's no chance in her living in a multi-level house because of her falling down and her memory was basically gone to shit. I think she understood why she needed to go but she wanted an alternative but there wasn't one we would take.

Her not letting you go to school was illegal even if you can currently attend.

I would still report to the police because abuse and neglect to children isn't something most police officers will ignore. If they don't know of your family condition, then some may try to help despite the influence of your father. If he is mentally unstable, then it's likely others are aware of that and if they're shown evidence of your mother's unstable behaviours, they'd probably help. You may though want to report this while having friends, family or even neighbours verify your statements or have CPS with you because you would need some evidence for the accusation.
   
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