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Need some advice. - August 11th 2010, 12:08 AM

So a few days ago I got an invite from a friend on facebook to an end of the summer beach party on the 20th, and I'm friends/acquaintances with some of the people going, but normally my friend and I don't hang out with the same crowd. And I want to go because my summer has sucked, but it's like ever since I moved here two years ago I've never been able to get really close to anyone. And I think going to this could help a little. I'm just really nervous about being around a lot of people I don't know very well. I am normally very shy when I first meet people, but I think a lot of people like me once I warm up to them. It takes me forever to get over this shyness though. I'm just worried they'll be like "who is that.. what is she doing here?" or something. I know it's pretty irrational. I'm just asking should I go or not? Or what would you do if you were in my shoes?


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Re: Need some advice. - August 11th 2010, 02:04 AM

I'm slow to warm up to people as well... not because I'm shy, but because I don't want to invest my time in friends unless I KNOW they're worth it. =P It took me about a year and a half before I became comfortable around the people I met through college, so don't feel bad that it's taken you this long. It's scary to move somewhere new and start all over again. =(

Yes, I think you should go. What do you have to lose? So what if people think "Who's that, and why are they here?"... there may be just as many people who think "Who's that, and what are they like?" People may want to get to know you, just as badly as you may want to get to know them! The problem is, they already have their "group" of friends, and you don't... so you'll need to make the first move. You could ask your friend to introduce you to a few people, but ultimately, you'll need to initiate the conversation and keep it going. You'll need to swap phone numbers and e-mail addresses so that you can stay in touch.

Shyness is something you CAN overcome, but it takes time and practice. The more often you go to parties and other events, and the more often you make the effort to get to know people, the easier it will become to make friends. =D I'm not saying it's going to be easy at first... in fact, I HATED meeting new people a few years ago... but after a while, I realized that the chance of making friends outweighed the (numerous) awkward silences. For every nine times I fell flat on my face, there was one time when I didn't. =)






   
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Re: Need some advice. - August 13th 2010, 05:01 AM

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The problem is, they already have their "group" of friends, and you don't...
Exactly! That's the hardest part about moving somewhere at the beginning of High school. At this point, the cliques are already sorted out, and everybody has known eachother since elementary/middle school. I wouldn't have had any trouble moving at the start of middle school (except for the fact that I'll be leaving my friends) because that's when everybody is still deciding who they're gonna be and whatnot. Thanks for the advice. I'm still deciding on whether or not I will go. But you gave me someting to think about.


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Re: Need some advice. - August 13th 2010, 11:20 PM

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Originally Posted by Fluorescent_adolescent View Post
Exactly! That's the hardest part about moving somewhere at the beginning of High school. At this point, the cliques are already sorted out, and everybody has known eachother since elementary/middle school. I wouldn't have had any trouble moving at the start of middle school (except for the fact that I'll be leaving my friends) because that's when everybody is still deciding who they're gonna be and whatnot. Thanks for the advice. I'm still deciding on whether or not I will go. But you gave me someting to think about.
The nice thing is that, as you enter adulthood, "groups" and "cliques" don't mean as much. Your life changes upon graduating, whether you go off to college or stay home and work full-time. Many people become more open to making new friends, because we have to learn to be flexible in all aspects of our lives. We can't take old friendships for granted... so we make room in our hearts to let new friends in. =D In middle and high school, however, we generally prefer to stick with what's familiar and comfortable. When you become an adult, you no longer have that luxury. =P






   
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Re: Need some advice. - August 15th 2010, 11:30 PM

I think you should go. While some people may wonder who you are, that doesn't mean they'll wonder that in a bad way. You were invited just like them and you have every right to go there and enjoy yourself. I know that in high school I was friends with a group of people and everyone thought we were very tight, and that we didn't want anyone else around us, until a new girl came to our school and walked over and introduced herself one morning. We started talking every morning and now she's one of my closest friends, she fit right in! She later told us how nervous she was, and once she made the effort to talk to us she realized how welcoming and friendly we were. Maybe these people will be like that too!

I hope you have a great time,
Megan


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