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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Shaytun Offline
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I've decided on how to deal with my dad - August 12th 2010, 06:57 AM

My dad is an alcoholic and is addicted to weed. He used to beat the crap out of me nighty. My mom would never help or even try and stop it. I feel I deeply hate her for it - though I do love her. I got older and finally told a counsellor - I confronted him and said I would go further if he didn't stop. He did. He continues to drink like hell and smoke. While drunk and high he will emotionally abuse my family. He calls my sister fat then laughs about it - he never spends time with her. Gets drunk and then says I'll never get a job and will drop out of school - because I failed Chemistry semester 1. With my mom he never says I love you, hugs her, kisses her, or even talks to her. He just sits and drinks.
I got fed up with it and told him literally "Man the fuck up and quit smoking and drinking. If you can't you're weak. Grow up."
Nothing changed. I'll respond to what he says but I avoid spending time with him, if he goes after me fortunately

So once I move out, get an apartment, go to college in another 2 years I'm done with him. I want my mom to divorce him once my sister is away to college. When I have my kids - he won't be able to see them. Never will I leave them alone with him under any circumstances. I've grown up under the abusive and abrasive man but that doesn't mean any kid of mine will.

If I take my sis and mom to lunch he's not coming. If I come over and visit I won't say anything to him. My grandparents of my mom have passed away. His parents are the exact same way and are horrible people. His brothers hate him - my mom's brothers dislike him as well. I have no family in town.

It may sound cheesy but... I really wish I had a real dad.


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Re: I've decided on how to deal with my dad - August 13th 2010, 02:16 AM

I completely agree with your decision. Your children, whenever you have them, should NEVER be alone with your father. In fact, I wouldn't even want them to be around your father with other adults present. The world is a cruel place, but that doesn't mean your children have to be exposed to disgusting things like alcoholism any sooner than is necessary. I also agree with your decision to cease contact with your father. If he's willing to get help, great... but it seems he's not looking to do that any time soon. Until then (if it even happens), all you really CAN do is look out for yourself and your mom.

I'm sorry that you don't have the loving, supportive, strong father figure that you deserve. For what it's worth, you're not alone... I haven't been able to count on my biological mother OR stepmother for ANYTHING. It hurts to see my friends, bonding with their moms in ways that I can't really bond with my dad, experiencing priceless moments that I'll never have with my mom. But, you do what you can with what you have. This doesn't have to define who you are as a person. It can make you stronger. =)






   
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Re: I've decided on how to deal with my dad - August 14th 2010, 03:30 AM

I really appreciate what you said - it really hurts I don't want my kids going through that. I know what you mean my friends' fathers are all really jubilant, don't drink, always talk to them, take them out places all sorts of things I've never experienced.


I am the stone that the builder refused.
   
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