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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Ocean*girl2 Offline
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Me again.... - August 12th 2010, 10:21 PM

I had to make a new account for some reason, but yeah, I'm here again with problems with my dad.

I'm going to preface this with the face that I have a pretty darn good life and I love my parents but I have some problems.

I really think my dad has some kind of childhood issues (he has serious problems with his family)...every that happens is taken as some kind of insult...he seriously thinks he has no friends. He has pushed away almost everyone in his life except me and my mom and I really get sick of hearing rants about crap that happened YEARS ago. But he can't let anything go.

He gets angry so easily and my parents never seem to "kiss and make up" they just act like it never happened which is OK I guess but it bothers me for some reason.

He drinks...not an insane amount and kind of sporadically. Like, he'll get drunk every night for a while then quit doing it for a while...I don't really think he's addicted. He didn't drink at all when I was little but started again when I was about nine...he doesn't go on rampages but he rants and gets angry. The alcohol bothers me...but it just magnifies the problem, it isn't the root.

There was a huge fight earlier in the year and I've become paranoid, I go around doing things so he can't find anything to be mad about...I don't know why his getting mad scared me, he's never really done anything (OK, one time he pushed my mom, that was the ONLY time I ever saw him show agression besides punching the air, hitting thins ((not hard enough to break)) etc.)

I can't live like this, I'm only 14 so I can't get out. I have a friend to talk to but I need to stay sane. I'm homeschooled so I can't talk to a counselor.

I guess I'm rambling so I'll close, advice maybe? Or at least let me know I'm not alone.
   
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Re: Me again.... - August 13th 2010, 02:26 AM

I'm sorry to hear about what's going on at home. =( It's scary when a parent, who should be protecting you with their very life, ends up becoming violent toward you instead. There is no excuse for your father's behavior. He may be stressed out with what's going on at work, with his friends, etc. but that doesn't give him the right to terrorize you and your mother.

I know this may seem like an obvious question, but have you told your mother how this is effecting you? Sometimes, parents don't know how difficult these sorts of situations are on their kids. Your mother married your father, so she knew what she was getting in to, and she's had time to cope with his angry outbursts. You, unfortunately, didn't get to choose your father, and you shouldn't be expected to adjust so quickly from blissful childhood to stressful adolescence. Perhaps your mother would be willing to talk to your father about what he's doing to you and your family... or even better, the three of you could attempt to have a civil discussion about how his actions are hurting everyone, including himself.

You can still find people to talk to, even if you are homeschooled. If you have any adult mentors (ex. a neighbor, family member, or coach), I'm sure they would love to help you learn how to cope with this situation. You and your mother could also see a marriage and family therapist, and ask that your father attend some of the sessions as well. Marriage and family therapists might be covered under your medical (mental) insurance plan. If not, you could visit a low-cost/non-profit community clinic in your area, and find out what mental health services they offer.

I wish you all the best. <3





   
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Re: Me again.... - August 13th 2010, 04:24 PM

My mom knows. She loves him and says we can leave to our winter home but I don't want the upheaval....I really do love him but he has some issues....

He doesn't believe in shrinks....and talking does not work...

Rambling again....thank you so much for posting.


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