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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Elizaluppi Offline
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Unusual resentment? - August 19th 2010, 06:01 AM

Okay so.. I usually am a great kid. I have always loved my family and been a real-close-to-home type of person. But recently I've had to watch over my little sisters alot and had to give up alot. I have realized that I am starting to ...resent..or just..not like..my mom. We arent like usual Mommy and baby. We are like bestfriends. We make dirty jokes and gossip and tell secrets, but I NEVER have any heart-to-heart conversations with her.
SO ANYWHOOO...
I am starting to think "why on earth, would you have 4 kids that you can't take care of?" and I get really upset just randomly thinking about how I have to waste my teens years, parenting HER children. Is there anyone out here with lots of little siblings or responsiblities? Most people tell me to have a talk with her, but I honestly feel I can't. Suggestions?
   
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Re: Unusual resentment? - August 19th 2010, 10:01 PM

Hey, honestly I don't have any advice on how to raise little siblings, considering the fact that I am the little sister who needed raised.
I'm the youngest of five children, and I've heard the stories from Eric and Kori(the oldest two) on how they always had to watch Jeni, Kevin, and I because my parents we at work or out somewhere. I don't know what to tell you except that it's what families do for each other. You're younger siblings need you, believe it or not. And your mom is most likely trying her best. When it comes to large families it's hard to keep up with them. I understand you not wanting to have to always take care of her children, but they are your little sisters, like it or not.
How about you try to reason with your mom to see if maybe you guys could get a babysitter? If you can't, then have a friend who likes children come over and help you take care of them. You can also set up different activity's that don't take much supplies(if any at all), or much supervision. Have your little sisters do that for, lets say an hour, and that's an hour you get to yourself.
It isn't the same as not having to be the babysitter, but that's all that I can really offer to you.
Hope this helped. If you need anything more feel free to PM or VM me.

Last edited by DeletedAccount39; August 20th 2010 at 05:46 PM.
   
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Re: Unusual resentment? - August 19th 2010, 10:31 PM

Hey im in a similar boat as you except i have to watch my sister's kids when my mom is supposed to be watching them and i have given up a lot of my teen years to parent other people's kids and to take care of my dad and what not.
Im not gonna lie its a sucky situation but it does make you stronger and more prepared for the rest of your life. Once you go to college you will be free. In the mean time you need to hang in there.
And make sure you hang out with your friends despite how busy you are. Hanging out with friends is a great way to relax and get away and feel free for a little while.
I feel resentment towards my mother too and i cant have heart to hearts with her either which is disappointing but its manageable. Its unfair that you have to raise her kids and its normal for you to feel resentment towards her. Try not to let the resentment consume you. Try to get along with her. And find other people to support you and to have heart to hearts with like your friends, a teacher, an aunt/uncle/cousin/grandparent, a counselor, people on teenhelp like me, ect.
You can make it through this.
Any time you wanna talk feel free to PM me


~Samantha~

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Re: Unusual resentment? - August 20th 2010, 01:48 AM

Maybe your mom doesn't realize just how much this is affecting you. If you can't talk to her, try writing her a little note. Also, if you don't want to talk her directly about this you can ask her other questions that might help you understand her. Ask her why she wanted to have so many kids and what her life was like when she decided to have them. Everybody does what they do for a reason, and I'm sure she loves you and never intended to stick you with the burden of helping her out so much. She probably respects you and is very grateful for you helping her. Remember she is still your mother. I understand why you've started to resent her, but try to talk to her and get to understand her point of view too.

Also, a lot of times in life we have to sacrifice to gain. You might not be able to go out with your friends as much as you want and stuff, but you are going to have an amazing bond with your siblings. My mom was a single mother and she got sick a lot, so my older sister took care of me. I know it was really hard on her and I feel bad, but we are really close now. More so than most siblings. I always looked up to her and I feel very dedicated to her, more than anyone else in my family. In the future, when you need something your sisters are going to be there for you. Nothing can replace family.


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