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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Kyeto-X Offline
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Old school Dad?? - August 20th 2010, 10:39 PM

Ok, sio it all started about four months ago when I moved from Idaho to Minnesota to be with my now fiancee. Before i left i took a week to say my goodbyes and explain my objectives to my family. My father and I have never really gotten along based on a bad history of fights, and conflicting personalities and beliefs. I told him (and the rest of the family) that I was going to move to get into a better school, for a new life and adventure, and to be with this wonderful woman I loved. My mom and dad asked me about this girl and I was honest and said that yes she is in high school and she is almost 17. They gave me their words of advise (don't have sex until you are married), we said our goodbyes, and i left.

Less then twenty-four hours after that...I was in a hotel room with my girlfriend. I had never intended to be abstinent in this relationship, and neither did she.

About two-three weeks later...My girlfriend had a pregnancy scare, and in our haste we called up my brother and announced the news. (Really, it was just psycho-somatic pregnancy and wishful thinking. She is not pregnant and her birth control was re-administered over the summer)The week after, I called my dad to wish him a happy birthday and he got onto me about the whole pregnancy and the OBVIOUS implications that I didn't keep my word about not having sex. It ended in a fight and I hung up.

Four months later...I posted a love letter on my Facebook page. (don't ask. It was good so I bragged) And out of all of the peopl who could respond...my father did.

Quote:
WOW, William that is truley awsome. I a can see that you are truley happy. To find the kind of love that invokes such enotion is a gift from God. You are a lucky man my son.
Dad
Curious, I sent him a message

Quote:
I appreciate the warm comment you put on my note. However, I am still upset over how you reacted to finding out that ******and I were sexually active. I realize where you stand on this, and I know you are looking out for my best interest. I am not a kid anymore, and i do know what i am doing.

And now I am confused on how you could suddenly be encouraging and supportive of ****** and I. Little has changed in the dynamic of our relationship. I still love her and care for her as much now as I did four months ago. What made you decide to give your blessing now?
and he just replied

Quote:
William I do not know what it is that you are talking about. I have never done anything but support you and *******. I did not intend for my complement to be taken as a blessing. I was complamenting you on what you wrote. As for not supporting you i have no idea where you got that idea. I know that the last time we talked, on my birthday, you where very vague on what was going on in your life. The only reason that I even mentioned any thing about you and ******* was because there where roomers going around here that she was pregnant. I just wanted know if there was any truth to what i had heard. William you are my son. Nothing that you could ever say or do would change that. As for how i feel about things that is my problem does not change the fact that i will support you not matter what you do with your life. You need to know that I did not stop loving and supporting you just because you grew up. Please call me when you get a chance.
(her name has been bleeped out for her protection)

I am at a lost at what to do now. I still feel mad at him, but now i wonder if it is warranted. It is none of his business what i do with my girlfriend. do i have a right to still be angry with him?


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Re: Old school Dad?? - August 21st 2010, 08:36 AM

Truthfully, I'm not sure if you being angry at your father was ever warranted. Yes, it's your father has no right to tell you not to have sex. And he has no right to be angry at you if you do. But I think it's a perfectly normal reaction to be angry when you think that your son has got a 16 year old girl pregnant. From the sounds of things, he was not angry about the fact that you had sex, but about the fact that you weren't taking proper safety precautions (or at least that it didn't seem like you were).

Also, it seems like he was upset that you chose to tell your brother that you were expecting, but not to tell him. Which I think is also reasonable. From this part of his message "you where very vague on what was going on in your life", it sounds like he feels you have been shutting him out of his life. And he is now trying to take a step in improving your relationship with him.

From that message, it seems like your father loves you and only wants the best for you. If you are still angry at him and wish to remain that way, then that's your choice. But I would think about two things: a) what are you actually angry about?, and b) have you stopped to consider how your father is feeling?



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Re: Old school Dad?? - August 21st 2010, 10:11 AM

It seems your father is looking out for you and trying to help you out. I know that if my son got his fiancee or girlfriend pregnant, then I'd sure as hell want to know of it because it may be part of family and the couple probably needs support. I think the main concern he has is you're sexually active with a female 4 years younger, and regarding her age and age gap, it may be illegal.

His response of "very vague in what was going on in your life" seems to mean he wants to know probably to help because he may now see you're a grown man carrying on the family name. He wants to know what you two are doing to help you two out but he cant help much if he doesn't know what's going on. If you want him to help or just show support, you're going to have to tell him what's going on otherwise he'd be complementing you blindly. I don't mean you have to share every single detail as there are some things he may not need to know but just in general.

You mentioned you two had many fights that distanced you two and the last 2-3 sentences of his response seem to show he wants to be more supportive and involved. The part of saying how he feels is his business means he's holding his ground and beliefs from before, nothing is going to change that but he's willing to work around these disputes to help you.

From the messages only, I don't see much of a reason to be angry at him. I think your anger is from how you two didn't get along very well before.
   
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Re: Old school Dad?? - August 24th 2010, 10:12 PM

UPDATE: I have called my dad with the support of my girlfriend, and we talked it out. Basically, you guys were right -_____- he still loves me, and while he doesn't approve of premarital sex, he still loves me and accepts my right to choice my own path. And he is still proud of me for going off and finding a loving girl friend in the first place.

So, THis was yet another case of William needing to pull his head out of his @$$ Thanks guys!


"One of the things I regret the most of being able to imagine anything,
is having to fear nothing"


"Realty is a lot more malleable then most people think.
They just refuse to believe that they can do anything about it."

"If a simple electron has a small,
but nonzero chance of doing the impossible,
what is stopping us from doing the same thing?"

-Wise Sayings from a Raving Lunatic
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Re: Old school Dad?? - August 26th 2010, 06:46 AM

Glad to hear everything has worked itself out, Will! =)

Closing this thread, since the issue has been resolved.





   
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