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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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wonderbread Offline
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Name: Ashley
Age: 28
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My daddy - August 21st 2010, 08:26 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Your imputs and thoughts are welcomed but I guess it is really more just a rant.

Its around three AM and I really should be getting to sleep because I have to be up in four hours but my dad has been on my mind lately.

It is really odd, I don't know whether or not I should hate him or love him. Our relationship has always been so off. Yes he would spend time with me and do things I'd like to do but more often than not if I wanted to see him or spend time with him. We would have to do what he wanted to do, even as a child.
My dad has tramauzed me. When I was eight years old he come home after me and my brother had gone to bed pissed at something and started yelling at my mom. He called us out of bed but we didn't leave our rooms until he screamed saying if he called us one more time he would beat the shit out of us. Then asking me, my brother and my mom if he did enough for us. Yelling. He said some pretty hateful things to us. It got to one point where he went to the kitchen grabbed a knife from there, came back into the living room and just about forced my mom to slit his wrist and if she didn't he would. I was crying and he just told me to shut the fuck up. At that point my brother took me into his arms and almost beat the shit out of my dad. That night replays in my head so perfectly.
He has always put other things before his family or should I say did. But yet prided himself on being there for me and my mom. Ive never understood it.
There have been other things, trust me. I was so happy when my parents got divorced. I had wanted it for so long.

He claims that Im his world and he would do anything for me. I mean when I lived with him for a while after my parents divorce, he came into the living room, which was my room. Laid next to me and said "Ashley I love you so fucking much, it kills me to know that you still sometimes hurt yourself, it makes me want to take my machette and hurt myself too." or something along those lines.
But then when I decided to move back in with my mom he throws me against the room and if the couch wasn't there, I probably would have ended up in the hospital. How can that come across that Im his world. I mean his girlfriends son, had to come in and see if I was okay and had to tell him off.
If Im his world then how come he hasn't talked to me since the day I graduated high school, how come he hasn't called? How come he hasn't stopped by? How come he hasn't told me he loved me? I just want to ask him if he still loves me. But I won't. Not to mention at my graduation party, he brought his new girlfriend to my mothers house. Who was a spitting image of my mom. If I was his whole world, then how come he couldn't get me a class ring that I have always wanted since my brother came home with his. Even though he promised me he would get one that I wanted.

Its a friday night and I bet you anything he is out at some bar with his bike club getting hammered and gonna bring home a random chick.

When I was little all I could ever imagine was my daddy daughter dance at my wedding and him walking me down to my future husband but I don't feel he deserves that right anymore. All I can see is my brother walking me to my future husband. Even though me and my brother rip throats and get at it, I love my brother more than I love my dad. And to think I went to him with my engagement.
I am moving to west virgina in not even two weeks and I don't think Im even gonna tell him. Why should I? He hasn't called me in three months. He didn't tell me when he moved to the other side of the county. I even tried wishing him a happy birthday on his birthday about a week ago and got nothing in response.
I haven't even gotten a real gift from him in four years. In the last four years his gifts have required no thought. It doesn't require much to buy a visa gift card for a hundred bucks for my birthday or christmas.


I'm at the point where Im just wanting to say fuck you, Im done with you. Cut him out of my life. I think I am. I don't want him to have anything to do with me or my kids when I have them. I dont even want to tell him when Im pregant. He doesn't deserve to be a grandfather.


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Moyshi Offline
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Re: My daddy - August 23rd 2010, 06:05 AM

Hi Ashley,
I'm sorry you've had to deal with an unstable relationship with your dad for so many years. The way he's treated you and your family has been awful, and you didn't deserve to be put through any of that.

When it comes to family members, sometimes it's difficult to fully come to a decision on how you feel about them. I know you said your confused about whether you love him or hate him, and you're thinking about cutting him out of your life completely. That's a very hard decision to make, but if you feel it's the right one, then you should do it. Examine your relationship with him. Is it doing more harm than good? Really think about what would be best for you and your life.

I hope the rant helped you sort your thoughts out a bit. Sometimes it's just nice to write it all down. I hope you come to a decision sometime soon. Take care. :]


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