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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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ex boyfriend - September 1st 2010, 09:49 PM

I broke up with my ex about 5 months ago, since then I hung out with one guy and looked at others. When I was with that guy my ex would always call me, even at one in the morning crying and having panic attacks. I couldnt help and didnt know what to do so after awhile just started yelling. I dont know why that guy stayed around for so long since some of the nights I got calls he was there. After I got back home (from college) things calmed down and then i went to a job in oregon. Things seemed to be going really well, we could talk with minimal fighting and seemed to be becoming normal friends. Now I'm back in college and the first week isn't even over. Yet he's already spent time last night txting me until I got on facebook and talked to him, even though I told him I would talk to him later and if it got to late then tomorrow. Today I told him I would call inbetween classes and I get a facebook message from him. I get it, I was online for like 5 min but I was studying and had told him I was going to call. So these constant messages are really getting to me. And I hate talking to him in a bad mood (which is how it usually turns out) because if I don't feel like talking or don't have anything to talk about he doesnt really talk. And then usually only says general things or says negative things such as how ppl dont like him, he doesnt have friends, everyone thinks hes a loser. Ive told him multiply times that I can't help and dont know what to say, everything positive I say he dismisses. And this constant thing, I don't want to deal with, I feel like I just can't do this and today is started to trigger cutting behavior and depressive thoughts. Cutting was always my escape and I'm trying to get to a year without it. So far its been a month : (. I feel so bad not talking to him but if hes gonna be a trigger then idk, his mental health or mine?
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Re: ex boyfriend - September 2nd 2010, 03:03 AM

Yours... ALWAYS yours. What I would do is direct him to a few resources (ex. suicide hotlines, his school/college counselor, organizations, websites like TeenHelp), then tell him you NEED him to give you some space. If he's not willing to do that (or if he says he will, then doesn't), you need to cease all contact with him. Block him, delete him, etc. Change your cell phone number if he won't stop contacting you. I feel for the guy... I really do... but it's not worth jeopardizing your own mental health.





   
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Re: ex boyfriend - September 3rd 2010, 01:55 AM

You should tell him it doesn't help what he's doing and he needs to stop. That it isn't healthy for the relationship that this goes on clearly. So you need to tell him that there is a line and you need him to trust you. Just as long as you keep his trust even through temptations, cause i get it from his point of view that he doesn't want to lose you, but he is just insecure and can't be sure if you aren't cheating on him when you are away from him. Just tell him also that its hurting you and if he does like you he won't hurt you, but then again comes the possibility that he can't help himself !! So you guys just need to have a heart to heart in which the law is layed down and the trust comes into play.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: ex boyfriend - September 4th 2010, 06:04 AM

Thanks for the help, but I can't be cheating on him. We aren't together, and havent been for 5 months now.
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