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Unhappy mom's verbal abuse b/c of virginity - September 1st 2010, 11:40 PM

I've been in my first relationship with my boyfriend of currently 15 months and we are both 18. So, about 4 months into our relationship we decided to have sex , both being our first time. Well its been about 11 months since and we have sex a lot now.

The problem is i hadnt told or mentioned it to my mom or dad whatsoever. Well, a couple days ago i had to get a physical and the stupid doctor told my mom that i am sexually active. It was somewhat of a shock for her but now she absolutely hates my boyfriend and wants me to break up with him. She's bipolar too, so at times she'll yell and disrespect me by calling me a "whore, slut, hooker" when really this is my first boyfriend and we did it outta love and we both plan on staying together for many years

. all this verbal abuse is getting really heavy on my shoulders and idk what to do about my mom. she keeps insulting my boyfriend and his family.
   
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Re: mom's verbal abuse b/c of virginity - September 2nd 2010, 02:16 AM

Try to have a calm conversationwith her. You're 18. She can have an opinion but obviously cant make you break up with your boyfriend. Talk to her about how you did it out of love and Its not necesarily her decision. I can empathize, on her half, being upset, not wanting her daughter to grow up, etc... And maybe she had a traumatic experience in her past or was raised a certain way, to make it hard for her to accept you having sex? If you cant have a calm conversation with her, try writing it out in a letter. in a lot of cases, letters work so much better than trying to have a rational conversation when both people are frustrated.

i hope this helps (:


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
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Re: mom's verbal abuse b/c of virginity - September 3rd 2010, 01:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by this_is_my_email2008 View Post
I've been in my first relationship with my boyfriend of currently 15 months and we are both 18. So, about 4 months into our relationship we decided to have sex , both being our first time. Well its been about 11 months since and we have sex a lot now.

The problem is i hadnt told or mentioned it to my mom or dad whatsoever. Well, a couple days ago i had to get a physical and the stupid doctor told my mom that i am sexually active. It was somewhat of a shock for her but now she absolutely hates my boyfriend and wants me to break up with him. She's bipolar too, so at times she'll yell and disrespect me by calling me a "whore, slut, hooker" when really this is my first boyfriend and we did it outta love and we both plan on staying together for many years

. all this verbal abuse is getting really heavy on my shoulders and idk what to do about my mom. she keeps insulting my boyfriend and his family.
Well, you have to remember, even though she is calling you those names, her being a mother is what is driving the whole thing. I don't know what to say except to tell you to try and talk to her.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: mom's verbal abuse b/c of virginity - September 3rd 2010, 02:33 AM

My mom knew I lost my virginity with my first serious boyfriend. We only had sex once. I had sex once more with another serious boyfriend but he broke up shortly after and it was hard. Then with my current boyfriend now. We are serious and we have had lots of sex and my mom is somewhat the same way. But I get more of it from brother and his wife and I know it is not easy. It is one of the hardest things to have your own family degrading you.
But keep in mind, she doesn't really mean these things when she is in these states. Not only that, it is hard for her to handle because you are her little girl growing up and all that and she doesn't want to think about you in that situation. Because despsite how old you are your parents will always always always think of you as their little kid. It will take time.

In the mean time, talk to her. Tell her what it does to you when she calls you these things. Just talk to her.


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